AIBU to feel anxious about my husband playing tennis with a woman?

[Bunnysdoingliterature]

DH and I are 29 and 30, he loves playing tennis, usually plays once a week and goes to the club social, I have no interest in tennis, would rather watch paint dry!
He’s been a member of the same club for the last 5 years, we’ve been together for 6 years.
I feel bad for him as some of his friends he would normally play with are moving further out of London and joining clubs local to them. It’s hard at his club to play with non-members.
I am pregnant with our first child so perhaps a bit anxious and paranoid in general and I can’t tell if I should be worried about this or not.

On Wednesday night he went to the tennis social, he came back and told me he had got chatting to this girl and they might go and play tennis together at the weekend. I didn’t want to be controlling so I said that’s nice.

This morning he went to play tennis with this girl, 11-12. He then messaged and sent a pic showing they were having a drink at the club house. This made me a bit anxious, I don’t know this girl.

When he came home I asked how it was and I told him I felt a little anxious about him spending time alone with a woman I don’t know. He said he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable and wouldn’t see her again, but it sucks as he’s running out of people to play tennis with as everyone moves further out and she is actually good so he enjoys playing against her.
I feel bad, I don’t think he would cheat but it’s making me anxious. It probably hasn’t helped that I asked about her and he showed me her insta and she’s clearly very very attractive, Italian and young (I think 25). I will admit I’d probably be less bother if I didn’t feel so threatened by her.

AIBU to feel anxious about this? I worry I’m being controlling, he hasn’t argued that he wants to, says it’s fine, joked it would be easier if I just played too then we could play together.
Should I just suggest we all meet up, maybe after they play again and try to not let my anxiety control me?

No, you interpreted it that way.

Yes you are being controlling and people dressing it up as you being a woman and it is ok women are allowed to be irrational it is expected doesn't make it any less controlling

I've obviously pressed some kind of button to trigger you! Sorry about that. Maybe you need to take a benzo, deep breath outside and a good look at your own life.

I think it’s sad that men and women can’t be friends without someone feeling threatened.

It’s really normal for men and women to play tennis together. It can be hard to find someone the same level as you and you said that many of his tennis friends have moved away. It’s good you acknowledge that this may be pregnancy hormones. Maybe as a compromise he could keep playing with her but skip the drinks afterwards.

I've never heard so much bullshit in my life.

OP says she has zero interest in tennis so she probably isn't familiar with club politics. I have a DH who has played tennis for 35+ years, been a member at countless different clubs and currently two different clubs. I'm just giving an objective opinion of how a female pairing herself up with male she doesn't know well is somewhat of a red flag. It might be completely harmless of course, but it's definitely not something that happens very often and will raise a few eyebrows.

Of course it might also differ based on club, but in most places, people play with friends they know in real life. It's basically a social/networking/friendship sport. It's rare to make friends exclusively on the court, and if that happens, it's often same-sex.

Also, this entire thread has been hijacked by women who are clearly pick-mes with low self esteem who think there's nothing wrong doing one-on-one activities with a married men in the name of feminism. Any critique of that seems to be triggering them to high hell and back. They probably see themselves in this fabulous young tennis player and defending her like their lives depend on it. Lol.

I think you are right op. You dont lead the wolves to the door. You did the right thing.

I have a DH who has played tennis for 35+ years

but do YOU play tennis? I mean, you are still talking absolute nonsense, but if also don't even play tennis yourself, you are just making it up entirely

Also, this entire thread has been hijacked by women who are clearly pick-mes with low self esteem who think there's nothing wrong doing one-on-one activities with a married men in the name of feminism.

if someone has low self-estime here, it's not who you think they are...

Welcome to 2026, it's possible to interact with men! 😂

I reckon he doesn’t go out much or socialise and was so proud and over excited to actually be having a drink with someone, anyone!! That he was basically showing off to the OP. I wouldn’t be surprised if he also shared on SM @Bunnysdoingliterature ?

@User774563 what’s your relationship history? I am going to take a punt that you have been cheated on a number of times?

Yanbu.
Men are pigs and I wouldn't trust a single one of them. Him spending 1 on 1 time with an attractive young woman is just asking for trouble.

Go on @AhBiscuits off load your tortuous relationship history with men!

So if 'men are pigs' then why would this woman you presume is attractive would want to spend any time with him if he was a pig?

Doesn't say anything about her judgement then, nor the op for having a relationship with a pig, according to you that is

Again, absolutely not our experience. We make loads of friends through tennis and that’s because it’s usual to play people who are at a similar level - I’m sure you can understand why - and so when new people come in, irrespective of their background or other interests, they will play with people they can actually have a game with. I know people who join as a family or a couple, but not as a group of pre-existing friends. We have loads of non-tennis friends who have no interest whatsoever…I’m really struggling to understand why you wouldn’t know this.

i don’t know why you’re so desperate to make this situation worse for the OP.

As someone who's been a tennis club member since I was a teenager, this is complete nonsense.

You pay for a trainer when you want specific coaching. You wouldn't organise a match with your trainer because they're out of your league, level-wise. Finding someone in the sweet spot where you're both similar enough in level to give each other a challenge without the matches being foregone conclusions is really, really difficult - especially when you factor in logistics in terms of who's free to play when you are - and when you find a suitable match partner you grab on to them! And the beauty of tennis is that this doesn't have to be determined by gender.

Also, going for drinks and making friends with people is also one of the points of being in a tennis club. Sometimes you can even do this with people of the opposite sex.

Anyway, I've had many men as match partners over the years and the idea that DP would have objected at any point is mind-boggling.

this entire thread has been hijacked by women who are clearly pick-mes with low self esteem who think there's nothing wrong doing one-on-one activities with a married men in the name of feminism.

This made me laugh!

Call me a raging bra-burning feminist, but I have chatted to, done activities with and had drinks with married men.

Somehow failed to have an affair with any of them, though - where have I been going wrong??

This.

This is one of the reasons that these "men and women can't be trusted to socialise with each other" posts really annoy me - I've seen it hold young women back at work way, way too much (and had experience of it myself 20 years ago).

Perfectly normal work friendship involving drinks, meals or common interests outside work - in line with how all the young men bonded with their managers - ending up in drama because when you're a young woman enjoying a platonic drink with a male colleague, too many people can only see it in sexual terms.

As someone who ACTUALLY plays tennis and is a team captain and club committee member of many years standing I have to completely and utterly disagree.

I play with many men, sometimes on my own, that I have met through tennis. It’s normal to meet people at social tennis and then arrange games with people you have met that will give you a good game at your level. I’m better than most of the men that aren’t at team level so I regularly get invited to play. I don’t play with any friends I have outside of the tennis club.

Surveys and relationship research indicate that between 74% and 80% of men admit they would cheat if they were guaranteed they would never get caught. However, these are hypothetical admissions; in reality, about 20% of married men report having actually had sex outside their marriage

So you can all carry on sticking up for the men all you like, fact is that most of them put sex above their relationship. OP is right to feel uneasy about the situation.

My DH has played tennis for years, with men and women. It's not uncommon for him to have a drink with them afterwards - they have a club house with a bar. Playing tennis is a sociable activity and usually there are others around playing or waiting to play. If you don't trust yours, that's a you problem - unless you have a concrete reason not to. (Though if someone did want to stray, I can see that tennis is a good place to meet someone, but then so is work or the gym, potentially)

U ok Hun?

I play tennis ans regularly hit with or play matches against men. Fortunately in my area there is plenty of choice and I guess I could restrict myself to women only but it's better for my game to play men too. It's all about the tennis but sometimes we'll have a drink in the bar afterwards.

You are being unreasonable especially if your DH is running out of hitting partners.