AIBU to feel anxious about my husband playing tennis with a woman?

[Bunnysdoingliterature]

DH and I are 29 and 30, he loves playing tennis, usually plays once a week and goes to the club social, I have no interest in tennis, would rather watch paint dry!
He’s been a member of the same club for the last 5 years, we’ve been together for 6 years.
I feel bad for him as some of his friends he would normally play with are moving further out of London and joining clubs local to them. It’s hard at his club to play with non-members.
I am pregnant with our first child so perhaps a bit anxious and paranoid in general and I can’t tell if I should be worried about this or not.

On Wednesday night he went to the tennis social, he came back and told me he had got chatting to this girl and they might go and play tennis together at the weekend. I didn’t want to be controlling so I said that’s nice.

This morning he went to play tennis with this girl, 11-12. He then messaged and sent a pic showing they were having a drink at the club house. This made me a bit anxious, I don’t know this girl.

When he came home I asked how it was and I told him I felt a little anxious about him spending time alone with a woman I don’t know. He said he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable and wouldn’t see her again, but it sucks as he’s running out of people to play tennis with as everyone moves further out and she is actually good so he enjoys playing against her.
I feel bad, I don’t think he would cheat but it’s making me anxious. It probably hasn’t helped that I asked about her and he showed me her insta and she’s clearly very very attractive, Italian and young (I think 25). I will admit I’d probably be less bother if I didn’t feel so threatened by her.

AIBU to feel anxious about this? I worry I’m being controlling, he hasn’t argued that he wants to, says it’s fine, joked it would be easier if I just played too then we could play together.
Should I just suggest we all meet up, maybe after they play again and try to not let my anxiety control me?

My husband plays tennis with lots of women, I am sure there is much flirting and fun that I am not involved in. However, he is still here and I don't want to play tennis. Always leave the doors open. If someone leaves then they weren't yours to start with. You stay with you husband because you love him, not because he stops you seeing or speaking to other men. If one partner breaks the trust the relationship is probably over. Let them go, they weren't yours. Better to find out sooner than later. Good luck. Ps I was once told having a romantic partner it is like having a dog. You hope the dog won't ever bite you, but you don't really know and it might one day. If you don't like that risk, don't get a dog. If you keep a partner on a short leash, expect it to run away the first chance they get

I think at least hes been open and honest with you, and told you what hes doing, rather than trying to hide anything. I think like people have said, if theyre going to cheat, they will, I would say its probably your pregnancy hormones at play, if you dont normally feel anxious about this sort of thing!

Yeah this thread clearly also brought out all the serial other women too! Or the delulu "cool-wives" who are in total denial that their husbands are shagging behind their backs. They kid themselves that it's perfectly fine for a married man to have one on one drinks with platonic female friends because that's what normal people do (it's not, but ok).

blimey, some of these men must have so much energy! Working full time, shagging their own wives, doing their hobbies and practicing sports for hours AND shagging anyone behind the wives' back.

That's quite impressive.

I can’t imagine how dark and distressing your relationship history with men has been @User774563

Have you ever had a healthy relationship where you haven’t been cheated on?

Maybe have him skip the drink after.

and go straight to shagging? 😂

Good story, bro.

Ha! yup, men prioritize sex, no one can deny that. All the other stuff will suffer (work, spending time with spouse, "other" hobbies)....My ex 's heavy travel career in top tech enabled his deception

@BunnysdoingliteratureIgnore @User774563who clearly doesn’t know anything at all about “tennis culture”. It’s extremely common to play with other members who are almost total strangers, even if they’re of the opposite sex. I paired up with both of my last two mixed doubles partners doing exactly that. And no I haven’t had an affair with either of them.

If it was me, I would have no problem with him playing tennis, but would have a problem with him socialising afterwards. He can just say he must head home, letting her know that you are the priority when it comes to spending time with someone. I think its ok to let him know, that you are not comfortable with him having a brand new 25 year old female friend - its called setting boundaries!

Why has he got her insta?

I’d guess as a place to communicate and make plans?
This isn’t strange to me, I also give out my instagram more readily than my phone number for people I don’t fully know.

A one off game is ok but you’re pregnant and understandably instinctively wanting to know your husband is 100% behind you at this point more than ever. I’m not surprised it triggered a bit of anxiety in you. With repeated games and drinks of course they’ll get closer and this wouldn’t be the first time an affair had started in just this way - starting out 100% platonically between colleagues and then time together and mutual interests draws them together. You’ve come here for support and are querying yourself which doesn’t suggest obviously higher levels of jealousy in you than in most other women IMHO. I think a simple fix is for you all to organise a perfectly relaxed drink together after the game so your husband can clearly paint a picture for his new playing partner that he’s a loving husband and family man. If she’s hoping for more from your husband he’s sending her a clear message without anything contrived or awkward happening other than his wife joining him before they go in to something else together. If your husband puts up resistance to making such a tiny gesture that could allay your anxiety then that’s a bigger issue…and it may be something in fact in his behaviour ( maybe past experiences) making you a little over sensitive. But listen to your instinct, be honest with your husband you’re feeling anxious for no reason and ask him to arrange a casual introductory if he wants to keep on playing with her, is my advice. If I were you I’d probably hope he’d just stop playing with her altogether so he’s showing you he’s listening and respecting you at a vulnerable, joyful time.

I don't really know about tennis but I do a sport where you need a partner. I partner up with a lot of men, anyone i can get my hands on so I can train. I don't "target" any of them.

And, tbf, I have become very good friends with a lot of their wives/girlfriends (was even a maid of honour at a wedding )

I don't think you're unreasonable. Pregnany is wild. However, I would say he made all the right noises when you told him you were uncomfortable. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship. You've got feelings you can't control but don't want to hold him back and he's willing to give up playing with someone he enjoys playing with to make you more comfortable.

Do you trust him ? If you don't then I can understand your feelings. Could he be persuaded into being unfaithful due to her fantastic beauty and sportiness ? If so, then maybe you can mention it to him. You really need to have a view on how much you can trust him.

You're obviously going to a posh tennis club 🤣

Mine is in SW London, costs about £250 a year and you meet other players at club night/afternoon where you find someone of a similar standard and arrange to play outside of club night if you want to. There's no having to be wealthy or having lessons with a club coach - in fact our coaches work mostly with the juniors (annual fees less than £50)
They do run group training sessions in the evening, but these are mostly aimed at beginners or improvers, or the club teams.