AIBU to feel anxious about my husband playing tennis with a woman?

[Bunnysdoingliterature]

DH and I are 29 and 30, he loves playing tennis, usually plays once a week and goes to the club social, I have no interest in tennis, would rather watch paint dry!
He’s been a member of the same club for the last 5 years, we’ve been together for 6 years.
I feel bad for him as some of his friends he would normally play with are moving further out of London and joining clubs local to them. It’s hard at his club to play with non-members.
I am pregnant with our first child so perhaps a bit anxious and paranoid in general and I can’t tell if I should be worried about this or not.

On Wednesday night he went to the tennis social, he came back and told me he had got chatting to this girl and they might go and play tennis together at the weekend. I didn’t want to be controlling so I said that’s nice.

This morning he went to play tennis with this girl, 11-12. He then messaged and sent a pic showing they were having a drink at the club house. This made me a bit anxious, I don’t know this girl.

When he came home I asked how it was and I told him I felt a little anxious about him spending time alone with a woman I don’t know. He said he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable and wouldn’t see her again, but it sucks as he’s running out of people to play tennis with as everyone moves further out and she is actually good so he enjoys playing against her.
I feel bad, I don’t think he would cheat but it’s making me anxious. It probably hasn’t helped that I asked about her and he showed me her insta and she’s clearly very very attractive, Italian and young (I think 25). I will admit I’d probably be less bother if I didn’t feel so threatened by her.

AIBU to feel anxious about this? I worry I’m being controlling, he hasn’t argued that he wants to, says it’s fine, joked it would be easier if I just played too then we could play together.
Should I just suggest we all meet up, maybe after they play again and try to not let my anxiety control me?

Clearly @User774563 definitely is not ok and still hurting for the latest man in her life cheating on her!

As a tennis person I can also guarantee the OP that when they chat over drinks later, they will spend all that time talking about their backhand technique or their tactics or Alcaraz's injury or Serena's comeback or the French Open results - the kind of conversation they can't have with non-tennis people because they'd bore them senseless.

Wow I’m surprised at how little support there is for the OP’s concerns in this thread. A bit of jealously and mate girding is entirely natural especially when you are vulnerable and pregnant. It’s not like she is acting out on her feelings unreasonably.

Yeah, I seek out male match partners for this reason too.

Some men are just at my level and it's no different to playing another woman. But testing yourself against slightly better men can really help you get used to a different level of pace and spin. It helps me tactically too when I can't overpower them (which is my default game) - I have to actually think about accuracy and placement!

Also it feels really really good when you win a match against a man.

Get a grip. I go on walks with other men who are attractive. It means nothing and my DH doesn’t care because he trusts me. I’d hate to be as jealous as some of the people on here. It must be exhausting

Ha ha this is so true!

What are you talking about ? You might speak for your tennis club but you don’t speak for mine. There are several levels of players at my club and some fairly active WhatsApp groups for planning matches ( mostly doubles I should say ). I play with a regular doubles partner but if I didn’t I’d be on the groups more often to make plans. I also have coaching but I wouldn’t pay for a lesson every time I want to hit a ball. There are about 3 or 4 blokes that I like to play with / against because they’re at a good level for me and we get on but logistics of it are challenging. I’ve not had drinks with any of them but the evening meet ups are much more social.

None of this really helps the OP but I’d emphasise it can be awkward finding partners at the right level and then co ordinating diaries with times that courts are available.

You clearly have no knowledge at all of tennis clubs. Those who have money to burn may well pay for a coach but coaches don't usually hit they coach. Some clubs have hitters who will just train with you. They're usually juniors who are working their way up to potentially becoming a coach.
Most people don't bother with coaches or trainers/hitters, they just team up with other club members of a similar standard, male or female. I have a variety of hitting partners - some are female, some are male. Sometimes I put a message out on a group chat asking for a hitting partner for a certain time and, shock horror, usually it will be a man that responds. Then we have a great 60-90 minute hit and sometimes I'll buy him a drink in the bar afterwards to say thank you.

Seems there are two types of tennis club, those you go to to play tennis and those User774563 goes to that seem like something out of an 80s Jilly Cooper novel where hot Italian women go to seduce married men!!

OP I think it's fine for OH to play a tennis with someone new he met at the club (of either sex) and also fine to grab a drink after.

It doesn't sound like he's given you any cause to doubt him, perhaps chalk this feeling up to pregnancy hormones and just let him know you're feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment and if he's as decent as he sounds he'll reassure you and be mindful of your feelings.

My mind's a bit boggled at the idea of a members-only tennis club where it's taboo to .... play tennis with the other members

A young fit woman tennis player is probably going to be reasonably attractive. Is he supposed to go out of his way to find an unattractive partner only???

I’m sorry but this is bizarre. Obviously posters like OP aren’t going to moan if he was playing with an ugly woman, it’s confirmation bias.

Maybe he finds her attractive, oh well. You can’t control everything. We all interact with people we might think are good looking.

Well I mean you can be very confident…. But given you don’t know anyone in this scenario, I don’t think you can “guarantee” @gannett

Seems sensible to enjoy as much tennis as possible before the constraint of a child comes along. What exactly is it that his pregnant partner needs him to be doing whilst he’s out playing tennis!

i wouldn’t get together but I’d feel the same as you OP. And I wouldn’t feel sorry for him, he knew you didn’t play when he married you!

If he's going to do that he could do it with anyone at work or who meets in the supermarket.

Nothing wrong with him wanting to play with a female member, nothing wrong with her wanting to work up a sweat playing with a male member. It helps both practise technique. For example men are usually taller - so if she gives him a lob he will probably smash that, in a way that a female partner wouldn’t.

Hi, I train in a male dominated sport and have become “one of the boys” by default. I hang out with them after training too. The thing I like about them is they are solid guys, good fun and most importantly, devoted to their partners. Their partners/wives also trust them, in fact, I’ve become friends with their partners through social events or being invited to their homes. My point being, not all training partners/female friends are a threat, and if you have a solid relationship based on trust with your husband/partner, then you nothing to worry about. I cherish and value my male friendships, but I’m also a girls girl and have really loved meeting the “other halves” as it’s like getting a 2 4 1 on friends ☺️

It depends what your boundaries are, I want my DH to feel emotionally safe and I know I deserve to too. For us we dont really spend time with the opposite sex 1:1...loads of group stuff but not 1:1..we both want to choose and prioritise our relationship like that. Everyone is different but thats what feels comfy to us.

i'm also surprised that the majority of those responding here are mocking and criticizing the post.....as someone with probably far more life experience (im old) in this dept, I feel it's naive. What's the % of spousal cheating these days, like half? Given reality, husbands Should be sensitive especially during pregnancy. I was that "cool wife" with my 1st husband, I felt pressured to accept all his socializing with women. If I ever questioned, he'd laugh me off and give assurances (didn't hurt that i was considered "beautiful", so mistakenly less threatened?) . 17 yrs and 3 kids later discovered he was a serial cheater the whole entire time. Im remarried, more kids, and my husband (also the wronged partner in his past) are both understanding and Sensitive to each other over any potential threats to marriage. Sure, most men won't act on opportunity- but an awful lot DO. id say keep the tennis in short term if he cant find a male partner, but have a super quick drink or no drink (better) after. Again, it's respect/love for your partner and mom to be's Feelings, that must take priority right now!

OP you sound unreasonable and controlling not very attractive traits, you either trust your DH or not. If he wanted to cheat on you it doesn't have to be with his tennis partner it could be with anyone, anywhere.

This is OTT. I have male friends and meet them for lunch and coffee and shared interests as I do my female friends. Personally I think its healthy to have friendships across different sexes, ages and backgrounds, ive never understood couples where the men only socialise with then men and women with women. They are in a tennis club together, you have no interest in playing but want to stop him because she's attractive?? There will always be attractive women in the world. Doesn't mean dh fancies them nor that they fancy him! If he wanted to cheat its unlikely he will do so with a women he plays tennis with and has told you all about it

My parents had a court, a guy they knew in the village played with a 'friend' it seems when they went to find balls in the woods beyond they got up to more and eventually he divorced and they ended up together.

I’m a tennis player and arranging to play with other members of similar level is normal - so is having a drink after.

im sure you’re feeling anxious about baby and probably thinking you’re not attractive etc at moment. Please don’t worry - your husband chose to play tennis with this person, who happens to be female. He chose you to spend his life with.

Fascinating

Another female tennis player here who plays a lot with males. It’s totally normal. I don’t ever stay around for a drink but lots of people do. I wouldn’t worry.