To think this is a shit mortgage situation at age 40?

[Greenredbluena]

I really don’t know if this is life for most people or I’m surrounded by people who are mortgage free or owe very little.

I am on my own with a 7 year old so there’s no fall back here. I turn 40 next week and my re mortgage is due the month after. I’ve started looking at options today and it’s bleak even thinking that im in this situation.

House has been valued at 520k at a push, probably more like 500k. I owe 190. I’ve been trying for the last two years to get this down by overpaying around 400 extra a month and I feel like I’m just being ran into the ground trying to pay it off when realistically it’s still a shit situation. I’ve shared these concerns with my parents and they were adamant that id have enough inheritance to pay it off and more but of course I can’t rely on that and i certainly don’t want that that to happen so I hope it’s a long long way off when it does.

I just suddenly feel so alone and very much like it’s me and DD against the world. I feel ashamed I am in this situation when everyone around me is counting down to mortgage free and will be around their 40th. Just having a low moment and probably not helping that I have a ‘big’ birthday coming up

2 of us doesn't equal 2 incomes so I think you're making a mountain out of nothing.

I'm on my own with a £180k mortgage at 39, and I'm not sure why you feel so bad about it? I'm unclear about your concerns. There's only one of you, yes, but what do you think that means?

My mortgage won’t be paid off until I’m around 57. My husband will be 67. No one I know is mortgage free in their 40s.

Look. We get it's more stressful making decisions on your own. But you're spiraling and pretty for no good reason. Having a mortgage into your 50's is fine if you have a decent non fragile job and or income protection insurance. Stop putting pressure on in yourself with unreasonable expectations. You'll burn out in a ball of anxiety and then you will be doing your dd a discervice. Find/pay for coaching or therapy.
Deep breaths, you'll be fine. You just need to stop spiraling and be cool headed about your options.

Id downsize op. You can have perfectly nice 3 bed and either be mortgage free or have tiny mortgage* *
Perfect for 2 of you.

@JustaDream you have someone with you through it all though. That makes it very different

I think you're jumping the shark a bit now

Sat in your 'just an average 4 bed'.

Omg I don't know anyone whos paid off a mortgage on anything other than a shoebox flat by age 40!!

DH and I have 40% ltv on a property valued well over 1m. Mortgage term is still 21 years. We expect to still be paying it when we are turning 50. Most of our friends say they are in similar positions.

Ok. I didn't realise you were referring to emotional support rather than financial, apologies. Yes, I guess that having someone with you can be a big help. I'm sorry I misunderstood.

Do all of the people you know, who are almost mortgage free, have partners?

@JustaDream yes they do. I just feel so alone with it all. I feel under so much pressure

Honestly just quit with the self pity. You’re sitting in a half million pound house with a lot of equity and many years to retirement. So you’re on your own, so what, so are lots of people. You have the choice to downsize from your too big for 2 of you half million pound house, you’ve chosen not to. Which is fine, but it’s a choice you’ve made, so crack on and quit with the “poor me”.

Seconded

I was a single parent with a mortgage that I didn’t take out until I was 37. I NEVER tortured myself in the way you are. You’re not the first person in this position and you won’t be the last. And you’re way better off than most lone parents.

Don’t be.
Youre fine
Keep going, enjoy life and downsize one day rather than killing yourself to do an early pay off

We were 60 and 73 when we paid off our mortgage. Same time as we closed our business down. It was a huge relief. 40 seems very unrealistic.

Surely 2 people owing £400k is the same as 1 point £200k…

I don't know anyone mortgage free over 40.

If you feel your mortgage is too high can you downsize since it's just the two of you

But equally they only own half a house. You own a 500k house on your own , 500k is significantly higher than the average house price and yet you own that alone at age 40. You'd be in an even smaller minority if your mortgage was smaller than it is.

Most couples don't even own 500k houses.

You are doing very well. You are only 40, and yet you already own 60% of your house, and own that 60% yourself not shared with a partner.

Don't look at the amount you owe, but your equity. Your equity is enough that you could go and buy the average house outright.

This is a far from shit situation. It's more than most people will ever have in equity. As long as you can afford the monthly repayments ticking over, I wouldn't worry about the amount owed....when you're older, you can downsize by which point you'll have even more equity.

A quick Google will show you are in far from a shit situation and are in fact in the opposite, a good position. Obviously being the only person responsible is worrying, but you are doing well.

It sounds like your problem is you are single and dont wamt to be

Our house is worth 300k with 100k owing but yep, really we own half each and I am very aware we'd each need to borrow £150k on top in the event of a split so we could buy 2 x 2 beds. Both in our 40s. After nearly 20 years of paying a mortgage off that would sting.

Unfortunately those of us who grew up in nice 4 bed detached homes that were 3x the household salary have to adjust our expectations in 2026. If it stresses you out this much you can't emotionally afford to live there.

I’m 38 and still have many years of my mortgage to pay by myself and it has felt overwhelming at times. For me, when I got to the stage of having enough equity that I could downsize and be able to buy somewhere mortgage free was a massive weight off my shoulders and something I can be proud of achieving.

I have no intention of moving and plan to keep on working towards paying off my mortgage as I love my home, but just knowing I could still own a smaller property (even if it might not be an ideal location or house) if circumstances changed feels good.

Well you too are very privileged. I have friends who have been waiting for years for social housing and look like they won't get it for years more. Currently in a flat with stairs and a disabled teen son who is very heavy. Its not a race to the bottom.

There's 2 of you in a 4 bed house?! There are lots of families of 4/5 living in two bedrooms! You are in a really fortunate position compared to a lot of people and you have lots of options that could make it easier as PP have said. Downsize, stop over paying etc. I don't know anyone that will be able to pay off their mortgage anywhere near 40 and I don't know anyone who has two extra bedrooms and can still afford to make over payments. Stop comparing yourself to others or thinking what may be different if you weren't a single parent and focus on the positive. You can afford a much nicer house than most people and have the option to be mortgage free relatively soon which most people never have.

You're putting yourself under undue pressure. You don't need to overpay. You don't need to be mortgage free bi 40. You don't need a 4 bed house for 2 people.

Feel free to choose all those things if you want. But don't do any of them if they make you feel stressed. Sounds like you're doing great. Have you got appropriate life and employment insurances? That would likely do more for your peace of mind than overpaying.

"I'm very grateful that we have a lifetime tenancy with the Council and that they rehoused us when DD1's disability made our rented home unsafe"

The bit of my post that you failed to read, which acknowledged my privilege.