To have done a job interview at 20 weeks pregnant and not disclosed

[Kinekia]

I’m 25 weeks pregnant.

My original manager knew from 6 weeks in January as HG (severe morning sickness) kicked in at 6 weeks and I ended up on the sick for 2 months. After 2 months I returned as I’d found a medication protocol that allowed
me to get back to normality. I worked in an entry level customer service role. They have dozens of staff so my pregnancy didn’t really affect the team that much.

An internal role came up within the business in March. It would essentially be a promotion. Pay rise, more responsibilities (but generally nicer hours and less front-line customer contact, which is a huge bonus), no weekends, smaller team. I applied expecting nothing to come of it. I surprisingly got invited for an interview in April. I was 20 weeks when I interviewed. I had pondered over whether to disclose the pregnancy at the interview. This internal department is in a different part of the building to where I worked so they don’t know me at all. And my line manager at the time confirmed they wouldn’t tell them about the pregnancy and that it was up to me when I disclose. This job role that had come up was something I’ve desired to get into ever since joining the company, and I really wanted to give it my best shot, so I decided not to disclose, as was my legal right.

I interviewed at 20 weeks in April and felt I hid the bump well. We clicked really well at interview and they really liked me. They asked about pre-booked holidays etc. they then asked “Is there anything else we need to know about?” and I cheerfully said “no”. I felt awful about this at the time but on the other hand, as I said, I wanted them to review me as a candidate fairly without just being seen as “the pregnant candidate”.

Middle of May I got offered the role and accepted. The call where they offered the role was very rushed as they were snowed under, and I didn’t get chance to disclose the pregnancy as she said “Right I’ll be in touch when I’ve got a start date I need to go now, take care!” and abruptly hung up.

The next day (my final day before 17 days of annual leave) I messaged the new manager asking if she had time for a call and she never replied. I wanted to disclose the pregnancy then. I then went on the pre-booked
holiday and still didn’t have a start date.

Came back from my holiday and returned to work 26th May after the bank holiday and went to sit in my usual part of the office and got pulled away by my new manager, taken to their department and told I’m starting straight away. By this point I’m 25 weeks so I had to tell them. It was all quite rushed and they’ve been off with me ever since. Nobody has said anything but they aren’t friendly with me like they have been prior and at one point I was asked why I hadn’t disclosed at interview. They exclude me from friendly chat and I have to ask them what they want me to be doing with my time and my training.

I do feel awful for inconveniencing them but I don’t think I did anything wrong by not disclosing at interview. I had intended to tell them earlier than when I did but I just never got the right moment. I thought we’d have a time to sit down together and go through contracts etc and I would’ve mentioned it then but this never happened.

I have seen there is another woman on the team who is pregnant and due to go on leave so I suspect they had intended me to take over from her and that is why they are pissed off. They hadn’t told me this at interview though. Ironically I’m actually due before this other woman so I can see why they are fuming but legally I’ve not done anything wrong. It does prove that if I’d have disclosed at interview they probably would’ve not hired me and would’ve made up a non-pregnancy related reason to justify it.

Am I am awful employee? I’m concerned that my relationship with my managers will never recover from this and it’s a shame as I really have a huge interest in this role and have every intention of going back full-time after mat leave.

No you absolutely do not need to disclose that. Pregnancy is a protected characteristic and no one needs to know - same way as you wouldn't disclose having adhd, a prosthetic leg or back problem

The problem is that they will find ways to punish you for it. Workplace discrimination is rarely outright and usually takes the form of being sabotaged/picked on in some way

You protected yourself from discrimination. Don't feel bad. It is annoying for them but they will get through it and when you've been back from mat leave for a bit it'll be forgotten (and other staff will have come and gone). I feel this would be more of a grey area if we were talking about a small business but as it is far from that I feel you protected yourself and the big corporation will cope.

Self-pity from small business owners who are unwilling to comply with equality law is very unattractive

I don’t think you did anything wrong OP. Not for an internal promotion. Presumably your company know you are pregnant, but your HR team clearly didn’t let them know (quite rightly) that an internal candidate was pregnant. Is it a pain for the manager of the team? Yes. But the alternative would have been for them to discriminate against you, and that’s just the law that they have to work within, same as any other business.

I’d go to the manager, say, I know the team might be p’d off that I didn’t disclose the pregnancy, but I didn’t want to put anyone in the position of subconsciously discriminating against me. You obviously thought I’d be a good fit for the role, I’ll work my socks off over these next few months, and you can expect the same after my mat leave. And point out that you’re getting the sense that people are being off with you about being pregnant and say you hope this can draw a line under. Then, if things don’t improve follow your complaints procedure.

Agree - this massively pisses me off, but the alternative is worse.

You were absolutely within you'r rights not to tell them during the interview process. They wouldn't have offered it to you.

But I understand that they are annoyed by the inconvenience.

Just don't be an arse when you go back and it will be water under the bridge.

My colleague was offered the job next to me the day before she started her maternity leave. It's the civil service so they do that. Then they had to readvertise for the ML cover so i was on my own fir months and now she's coming back she won't come in on the normal office days and she can't work the usual hours so I'll never be able to leave early (flexible hours only available for her, not me, due to her nursery issues). I'm cheesed off with her already although everything she's done is legally correct.

Actually @ClematisBirdbath said it better!

I said up thread that one of the candidates for a job i was observing disclosed being pregnant and was not employed (not necessarily because of that).

The woman who got the job lasted two months before she got a better offer! That's less time than the op will be in post before maternity leave I think.

The point at which only the parent gets flexible hours is the point at which it does become really unfair, I think. Discrimination based upon maternity can go both ways - eg being perceived as immature for not being a parent, or not being offered the same flexibility as parents, as though it's only parents who have any actual responsibilities in life.

Id be internally miffed, but as a woman I’d completely understand why you didn’t disclose it and be looking forward to you coming back given I thought you were the best person for the job. Women returning from maternity leave are some of the best employees in my experience.

What a pregnant women who need a job actually supposed to do??

Stay in the job they're in?

Most people will not just leave a new job after 2 months.

What if they have lost their job, or are at risk of losing it?

YABU. Whilst they had no right to ask and you were under no obligation to tell them, the fact that you knowingly withheld the information means they hired you under false pretences. They advertised/interviewed for the job because they needed someone to do that job - not someone who's going to go off on maternity leave after a few short months, which means they'll have to go through that exact same rigmarole all over again. Surely you can't blame them for being pissed off?

Then their partner/husband can support them, until they can find another job (after the baby is born.)

Anyway, surely their employer can't get rid of them while they're pregnant, as pregnant women have so many rights ... ?!

And if they get laid off/lose their job whilst pregnant, (and they didn't disclose that they were pregnant,) then they won't be able to do anything about it, because they did not disclose the pregnancy, so they can't accuse their employer of prejudice.

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Don’t feel bad and don’t worry, you’ve done nothing wrong!! I was 9 weeks pregnant when I successfully interviewed for a job and I didn’t say anything until a few weeks after I started work, was probably around 18-20 weeks at that point. They were verrrry frosty with me to begin with, but when I left they did flowers and a gift and when I got back from maternity leave all was forgotten, people had moved on by then.

In my ideal world there would be ways to force deadbeat men to support the children they've helped create. Debtors' prisons and the like. Don't want to work? Don't want to pay child support? Feeling overwhelmed? Tough titties. Sadly this isn't how it works, and lots of women are left up shit creek by the men who impregnate them. Quite separately, lots of dads-to-be are great, but don't have a high enough salary to support the household single-handedly. "Shouldn't have kids then!" you may cry. Maybe, maybe not. But again, not how reality works.

When it comes to careers people will act in their self interest, and this is quite understandable. Equally you have deceived them, and it’s hardly surprising they are not being friendly (which provided they are not actively hostile treads the fine line of legality). Do your best to prove to them you were a worthwhile hire before the mat leave starts and hopefully they will suck it up, play the long game and nurture talent.

It’s one of these situations where the desires of both sides are conflicting but both understandable. To me the core idea of discrimination in a job interview is being disadvantaged for something that is perceived as a characteristic that will make you less able to do the job. Obviously not being there to do the job is not just a perceived characteristic making you less able. I think applying at 20 weeks is more understandable if unemployed rather than seeking promotion. Would I tell a female friend in the same situation to just go for it, I probably would.

🙄

That may or may not be true but I wonder if next time, if there is a choice between a woman of child bearing age and someone else, they may be influenced by this.

There are no thought police-yet-and nobody would be able to prove an employer picked another candidate because they didn't want this to happen again.

It will go on and the more experience employers have of this type of experience, the less likely they will want to choose a child bearing age woman.

Them's the facts-whether they are "allowed" to or not.

It may be an unpopular opinion on a parenting website but I feel like the dynamic involves more than just the legality.

Personally, it would be an important distinction to me whether they were looking at the longer term big picture or just needed somebody yesterday to crack on. In reality, many bosses aren't going to be too happy about employing somebody to cover a maternity leave to then almost immediately have to cover them.

I fully understand why people don't mention it because it no doubt decreases chances of being successful, but I wouldn't want to work for that company if that was their stance. I defo wouldn't want to play them by staying silent and then dropping the bomb once I had them by the short and curlies. I just wouldn't like the dynamic of starting a new role by creating hassle for my new team before they even know me properly.

I actually do hope your colleagues are more pleasant and work well with you whilst you’re still working and when you return from mat leave. It’s not fair they’re unpleasant to you (or unfriendly). Is there one colleague who’s not as unfriendly? Maybe you could go to lunch with some of them. Like a team lunch. That’s what a previous pregnant colleague did. Got lots of people on her side.

I'm also conflicted about this. A man lying about contraception (stealthing) is considered to have committed a form of rape, whilst there is no such crime for women that lie about the pill. It seems consent doesn't matter when the situation is reversed.

I guarantee that if a man slyly removed the condom nobody would be saying "oh well, it's her fault for not taking the pill. She should've taken responsibility for herself".

And let's be honest, most women wouldn't be happy with a bloke saying "sorry, gonna use a condom just in case you're lying about the pill". It'd be seen as a massive red flag/having trust issues. My male friend got burned this way. She said she didn't want kids and was on the pill but was actually on the adoption list the whole time and not taking any birth control whatsoever. 🤣

Just let it all play out now, enjoy your new baby when they arrive and don’t commit to anything now. No one should ever disclose being pregnant before the job offer is confirmed so you did nothing wrong there.

It’s easy to be “career focused” before your first baby arrives though. You won’t know how you’ll feel, when you’ll want to return or if you’ll want to do shared parental leave. Resist over promising now.