to tell teacher friends to stop with the negativity over our decision to home educate?

[teaandaflorentineplease]

We’ve made the decision to home educate our child. Fulltime school isn’t right for our family, and I genuinely believe that play based, informal learning suits early childhood far better than sitting at desks from age five. I’d have been open to flexi-schooling if our local school allowed it, but they don’t so we’ve chosen home education.

What’s surprised me is the strength of the negative reaction from our teacher friends. These are people who regularly describe the state of education as dire. Dreadful behaviour, no funding, days spent on crowd control rather than actual teaching, children falling through the cracks, classrooms falling apart, pressure to hit their academies’ targets rather than do what’s best for the kids, they can’t even afford gluesticks. This insight into education from a teacher’s perspective has also informed my decision to home ed.

However when I said I was going to home educate, suddenly schools are wonderful and I’m making a terrible mistake. It started a few weeks ago when a teacher friend mentioned our children will be in the same class and since then the comments about how awful home ed is have kept coming. I’ve been shrugging it off to avoid an argument, but I’m getting increasingly frustrated. I’ve spent years validating how broken the system is, for both teachers and children, and yet the moment I choose to opt out of it, it becomes the only way to educate a child.

For context, my husband and I are both well-educated and take our child’s learning seriously. I feel comfortable teaching the early foundations like reading, writing and maths, and we plan to build projects around history, geography, science and whatever else our child shows an interest in. Beyond that, we haven’t planned anything because our child is still one. As we go through it, we’ll learn about what works for our family, and we’ll have seen how other home ed families approach things as children get older. We haven’t ruled out school further down the line either; it might turn out to be the right fit at some stage.

I’m not looking to convince anyone or get into a debate about home ed vs school. We’ve made our decision and we’re comfortable with it. I just find the contradiction so confusing and a bit hurtful. These are people who in some cases we’ve know for years, know how seriously we take our child’s wellbeing, and have spent years telling us the system is broken. I want to say firmly we’ve made a decision and we don’t want to hear anything else about it, but I also don’t want to lose long standing friends over it.

It might be worth going to look at selective independent schools as an option.

I LOVE the idea of HE. I am extremely well qualified, (actually have a PGCE alongside two masters degrees) and I’m creative and good at teaching. My children would have had NONE of it when I have suggested it as an option.

School has been wonderful for them. No school is perfect but as one of my children is fond of pointing out, HE doesn’t cover playtime, dealing with friendships, having relationships with lots of other adults (teachers, TAs, office staff etc), being in school choirs, being in school plays, playing loads of different team sports - all within the school day.

One of my dc had a reduced timetable for about 6 months and we did some HE groups during the week. It was great. Lovely groups. But the children almost all had quite profound SEN and that was why they weren’t in school (and that was also why my dc needed a period of a reduced timetable!). All the parents were great. But the variety of activities the HE children had over my school educated dc was extremely limited. Yes there are drama groups and choirs outside school etc but it meant their evenings and weekends were also quite packed out and I saw the toll it took on some parents.

There is so much we’d probably all like to change about the education system but I really wouldn’t rule anything out with a one year old!

In a couple of years you’ll have a much better idea of what will suit your child.

Also, by 4/5 you child will have friend who are all excitedly starting school and might be really sad to not have that experience. They might actually WANT to go to school!

And if your child an only child? As an only child myself, school was SO important for me socially. Not just to make friends but to work out social interactions with my peers.

Some schools are small and nurturing with lots of outdoor activities and forest school. How many have you looked around.
If your child is happy and thriving in a nursery environment I think it’s odd not to at least consider school.

@teaandaflorentineplease do you know what your local schools actually offer in Reception and Year 1? Many state schools have free flow outside space and as already said the curriculum is play based.

The nursery you are using will also be following the early years curriculum, if you are in England and the nursery is Ofsted registered. I think there is similar in Scotland and Wales though.

My thought too!

OP, to be child centred, watch your child. It's brilliant that you have options and are planning for options.

It may be that at 3 and a half they are absolutely loving nursery and can't wait to go to school with their friends. I was all a-shudder about primary school, but my Dc's private nursery overlooked the playground of our primary and Dc was looking out every day and talking about being excited to go there.

It was a lovely state primary, one form entry, brilliant ethos and they were absolutely not just 'sitting at desks' at 5. Loads of learning through exploration, Lifelong friendships were forged.

Some kids really thrive at school others at Home,

Kids learn with and from each other in school. Families I know who Home Ed have done so successfully, and needed to because their child was not thriving at school. But they were children (lovely children) who didn't cope well in many social environments for different reasons. And contact with other children was arranged, sporadic, for a particular session or activity, for one part of the day - a couple of times a week. This is very different from children making a little community to discuss the minutiae of 5 year old life amongst themselves whenever they feel like it.

Keep an open mind, keep observing your child and at least go and visit your available primary schools.

Thank you, says it all.
Chilldren learn sooooo much at school, in addition to formal education.
Home schooling deprives them of an enormous amount and I won't be convinced otherwise.

Why don’t you ask to have this moved to the Home Education board where you’re more likely to get supportive and helpful suggestions. On AIBU you will just get vitriol from people who know absolutely nothing about home education but make it their mission to vilify it. Like the insane comment above suggesting home educators are homophobic (something I never came across in the 7 years we homeschooled!)

Also you can look at multiple schools (state and independent) now and you have plenty of time to move if you need to be in a particular catchment area? Schools vary so much.

I agree it's best to keep an open mind and school is definitely the right choice for many children. However, nobody criticised a parents if a one year old if they are assuming that their child is going to go to school. Doesn't seem very open minded.

I get the impression you haven’t been in an early years setting. I would suggest you do visit in a couple of years so you know what’s what rather than imagining what they’re like, or hearing second hand.

I am a teacher. I always think, 'Ok. Rightio' when I hear of someone home educating their kid. I'll get the metaphorical mop ready to clear up the educational mess when they can't be bothered any more and boot the poor maladjusted little precious back into the state system at 14.

I don't understand why this even is a topic of conversation when you're years away from having to actually make this decision.

You might find your child doesn't learn well with you at all. Lots of children don't listen to their parents in the same way they do a different adult. My daughter for example would be impossible to home school... she's too comfortable with her parents to properly learn from us. Lol I thought I'd teach her to swim and to ride a bike, etc but nope. She only learns from swimming lessons and had to get a friend to teach her to ride a bike! Your child might also really want to go to school with their friends which might shift your perception nearer the time. Reception is just like nursery to be honest.

"This is very different from children making a little community to discuss the minutiae of 5 year old life amongst themselves whenever they feel like it."

This is just the loveliest sentence. It really took me back to seeing my son in earnest discussions with his friends in the playground!

Agree. I have a relative who sounds exactly like the op. She HE her first two. They are extremely socially awkward, know so very little about a range of subjects except what they focused on, and it’s really awkward speaking to them because they don’t really know how to converse with different people. She ended up sending her 3rd to school and it’s extremely sad the difference in the first two and the third. She too thought she was very well educated and could take this on.

Quite. Doesn’t work for our family’. The kid is literally a baby.

I think this is a misconception of home ed. Playtime, dealing with friendships and relationships with other adults are some of the reasons I as an ex-teacher chose to home ed, because schools provided so few opportunities for this.

Quite. ‘Doesn’t work for our family’. The kid is literally a baby.

Agree with this completely

I think a lot of people on this thread must have experienced a different school system to me (primary teacher of many years), in most schools year 1s ARE sitting down almost all of the day and doing formal learning. Many find that extremely difficult.

Schools can be incredible places. They can also be hell on earth if you don't fit in or have a SEND. I think most people know that and it's only going to get worse because this new SEND plan to make every teacher a teacher of SEND cannot work. Yes, the majority of teachers are good but there's such a wide variety of SEND and how do you teach to so many levels with children with different sensory and physical needs?

Sometimes, you don't have to be amazing to home educate. You just have to be better than what's on offer locally or simply step in to fill the gap when there is nothing at all.

The mum knows her child. She may change her mind. She may not, but I think most teachers do know that the system doesn't always work. It won't start working till they can admit it.

Have you actually looked at any schools? My local school has a huge field, they have some outdoor lessons, they do forest school activities. Reception is a big room which is basically like a play area, with pretend shops and so on. And they have an outdoor area with sand and water play. They have outside guests coming in (I did a little talk on being a doctor, and they all played with medical kit etc). They’ve had African drumming, multiple dress-up activities, learning how to cook different foods, play in a fire engine. Loads of stuff. The year 6s do a summer play in the field. And there’s annual maypole dancing at the spring fair.

But anyway, my main point remains that you’re making this decision prematurely. And missing precious time with your baby as a result.

FYI in the UK, "homeschooling" describes a situation where the child is on a school roll but is unable to attend, so the school is sending work home.

"Home education" (or "elective home education") is the term used when a child is not on a school roll and the LA is not the provider of education.

Because school is the default. So of course going against the default brings more comment.

This reminds me of a child in my child’s class whose parents decided when she was a baby that as she was “young for the year” with a May birthday (I know) that she should start school a year late.

By the end of year 6 this child was an extremely precocious 12 year old working alongside loads of children who actually were young for their year and didn’t turn 11 until the summer holidays. Both she and her mother spent a lot of time bemoaning the other children’s immaturity and the other parents all wanted to say “yes, because your daughter is by far the oldest - 15 months older than some of her classmates!!”

What if your child really want to go to school and you have spent their early years away working with an idea of home schooling that doesn't happen? What if you have another child or even two in before you child is school age and don't have the time to home school? What if you and your partner split up? What if one of you lose your jobs? There is a saying that goes something like "Man plans, and God laughs". You just can't predict the future in that much detail at this moment in time, especially when it involves a little person who will be nothing like the baby you have right now. Enjoy each stage in life as it comes, don't be living your life with rigid plans for what is going to happen five years from now.

Not in reception, but there’s a step up in year 1 from play based education to more formal education which includes a significant amount of time at sitting in desks in many schools. Obviously there’s time between now and when my child will be Y1 age, but as it stands reception to Y1 is a big shift in a lot of schools.