to tell teacher friends to stop with the negativity over our decision to home educate?

[teaandaflorentineplease]

We’ve made the decision to home educate our child. Fulltime school isn’t right for our family, and I genuinely believe that play based, informal learning suits early childhood far better than sitting at desks from age five. I’d have been open to flexi-schooling if our local school allowed it, but they don’t so we’ve chosen home education.

What’s surprised me is the strength of the negative reaction from our teacher friends. These are people who regularly describe the state of education as dire. Dreadful behaviour, no funding, days spent on crowd control rather than actual teaching, children falling through the cracks, classrooms falling apart, pressure to hit their academies’ targets rather than do what’s best for the kids, they can’t even afford gluesticks. This insight into education from a teacher’s perspective has also informed my decision to home ed.

However when I said I was going to home educate, suddenly schools are wonderful and I’m making a terrible mistake. It started a few weeks ago when a teacher friend mentioned our children will be in the same class and since then the comments about how awful home ed is have kept coming. I’ve been shrugging it off to avoid an argument, but I’m getting increasingly frustrated. I’ve spent years validating how broken the system is, for both teachers and children, and yet the moment I choose to opt out of it, it becomes the only way to educate a child.

For context, my husband and I are both well-educated and take our child’s learning seriously. I feel comfortable teaching the early foundations like reading, writing and maths, and we plan to build projects around history, geography, science and whatever else our child shows an interest in. Beyond that, we haven’t planned anything because our child is still one. As we go through it, we’ll learn about what works for our family, and we’ll have seen how other home ed families approach things as children get older. We haven’t ruled out school further down the line either; it might turn out to be the right fit at some stage.

I’m not looking to convince anyone or get into a debate about home ed vs school. We’ve made our decision and we’re comfortable with it. I just find the contradiction so confusing and a bit hurtful. These are people who in some cases we’ve know for years, know how seriously we take our child’s wellbeing, and have spent years telling us the system is broken. I want to say firmly we’ve made a decision and we don’t want to hear anything else about it, but I also don’t want to lose long standing friends over it.

Sorry OP, but your thread sounds very like a typical know-it-all first time parent of a baby. We all know everything at the start. Organic food. No McDonald’s. No toy guns. Wooden toys only. No painting their nails and using make up till they’re old enough. Etc etc etc.

But kids are their own people, and whilst we can impose plenty of rules, and steer them in our chosen direction, ultimately we have to take their individual personalities into account. And right now you have absolutely no idea what sort of 4 year old your baby will become. Not a clue.

I’d suggest you keep an open mind, and especially don’t close doors that leave you financially vulnerable.

We would use resources to teach our child how to read and do maths. We’re planning on getting the Lovevery Reading and Maths sets which start at age 3 and builds up to age 7. We’ll do projects and I can learn with them as we go through them. Maybe we’ll learn about Florence Nightingale, maybe Anglo Saxons, maybe space and I can follow my child’s interests and get inspiration from other HE parents as to what works and doesn’t. I don’t need to know everything about everything from the start. It doesn’t have to be an echo chamber where if my child expresses an interest in dinosaurs I’ll have to say ‘sorry darling, I only vaguely know what a T rex is’. Information has never been more readily available and we can learn together.

What if you have one of those super sociable children? It seems odd to me to decide to HE so young. “It suits our family” means it suits you as it’s too young to work out what suits your child.

Also pretty much all my local friends I met through primary school. I would be really lonely and bored without knowing them. Our kids afe all pretty much leaving school and mostly aren’t friends with each other any more but we see each other all the time.

When it came to choice of schools/type of education for DC we always looked at what suited DC, when older they were also involved in the discussion. No way would I have made a blanket decision at 1, as we don't know what they would have been like at 4. And early years isn't just about learning to read and basic maths, there are many social skills they learn. And there is the fun and social side too, and learning about being separate from their parents and gaining that independence.

5 year olds don't sit at desks.

At least find out about the curriculum properly before you reject it,

You can’t “put a child’s name down at a school when they are born”, that’s not how the admissions process works at all.

Oh dear ..... What will her friends do if their 4 year old see the OPs child being home educated and says they want to be home educated too? Cries as he/she sees the home ed kids walking past the window on the way to the museum/beach/shop/home ed group etc?

You can obviously play team sports without going to school and there are plenty of opportunities to be part of "shows and stuff" within home ed and in the evenings and at weekends.

Not for state schools.

One might think that you'd be better off enjoying your 1 year old now, and going back to work when they reach school-age and are more independent, instead of working now during early years that will never come back?

It probably is for places like Eton, but for us normal parents we apply to the preferred local schools in the October before they start, as I recall.

I think for most people, school is the default, that requires no real thought or planning till application time. At that point parents can decide to home educate if they think it would work best. I think planning to HE and quitting a job when the child is a baby is very premature.

As a teacher, I completely agree with the benefits of informal, play based learning.

I also know that home schooling can be done very successfully. Unfortunately, as a teacher we tend to come across the children who have been completely let down by their parents who have effectively "unschooled" them for a number of years and then want them into formal education later down the line - The vast majority of whom are miles behind their peers socially, emotionally and academically. But the parents had no awareness of this and surprisingly seemed to think they were way ahead of their peers in school 🤔

It may well be your friends are concerned about this too?

I agree with the PP who said it would be troubling if teachers didn't react negatively to that, but I suspect they're also reacting to what comes across as hubris on your part. No one knows what will be right for their 4 year old three years in advance. Life changes, schools change, marriages change, careers change, children change and grow. Why not just relax and see where your parenting journey takes you?

is very different to facing a class of 20 children with vastly different skills and experience which I obviously I don’t think I could do.

Learning to be a happy, flexible and functioning part of that class of 20 children with vastly different skills and experience is the main point of early years education, and a very valuable one too.

Are you planning to have more than one child?

This

😂😂😂

I am loving the way your try to picture homeschooled vs formal school, but you do realise this has NOTHING to do with real life? And kids crying because they are mournfully looking by the window at FOUR while others walk past on their way to beach/ museum etc. 😂
In which movie did you see that?

Your school 4 yo will be too busy playing at school with their friends to notice yours walking past for a start

The work a lot/dc in childcare when dc is small and then quit when dc is school age is an unusual model people will be struggling to get head around. Who minds dc now?
I also assume dc is an only and not planning any more. That 1-1 intense environment isn’t always for best.
Whilst you can manage on one income now your expenses will increase as dc grows and wants hobbies and days out plus saving in case they want to go to university.
I think deciding what you will do in 3 years is odd before you know their personality. But I wouldn’t have put my dc down for private school at birth either.

Absolutely baffling decision to leave your child for longer periods during these most vital early years so that you can afford to homeschool. Birth to 4 is the most important time to be with your child – I’d give anything to have been able to be at home with DD more during those years.

I know it seems odd but the nursery is small and nurturing, and outdoor most of the day. My child loves it and I love it. If school environments were more like that, then I’d love that happily use a school like that. I know it’s the opposite of most parents who SAH in the nursery years and return to work at school age.

@Mixerfixer I think you’re missing my point. The fact is that no one can know what their baby will be like when they’re 4, and it’s best to keep an open mind.

My DS1 was born end of August. I applied to school as normal, but then realised when the time came that he wasn’t ready, so I deferred him for a term. His friend in the village was also an August baby, but she was itching to start school, so off she went.

My point is that parenting is about adjusting your expectations and modifying your plans, based on how your child turns out. And at one year old, it’s impossible to know.

Having worked in schools for many years this is exactly the experience I have had as well.

Are you going to do home dentistry too?

A lot of schools are like that. DD is in P4 (year 3) and play-based learning still makes up the majority of her day, and they have “outdoor classroom” every single day. I think you’re making this decision based on a very antiquated view of what early years school is actually like.

Why not consider a Montessori school?

It’s your decision - not theirs. And everyone is different.

As a teacher I can understand their concerns. I have taught quite a few children who have been disadvantaged by previous ‘homeschooling’ - both academically, socially and in some respects emotionally. There have also been safeguarding issues in some cases. Yes, some parents make a really bad job of it! I guess this is why you are encountering negative responses from teacher friends.

However, it can also work well for some families, especially if they are in contact with other homeschoolers. If you have done your research and are willing to make the commitment then why not try it?

I'm a primary school teacher. The system is broken, to an extent, but home education is far worse. Learning how to socialise is far more important than any academic education. I understand the desire to protect and nurture your child. My dd is 2.5. I know how important the early years are so I have taken leave to see her through this formative stage. Financially, I don't need to go back to working but I recognise she needs to socialise at this stage.
You'll see the same from your child soon. My dd is always asking to go out and meet people now. She loves being part of a group when we meet with friends' children.
Your child will meet tricky characters along the way, but that's all part of learning. If you're worried about academic success, then supporting the learning from home is all that's necessary.
Don't wrap your child in cotton wool; they need to experience real life before they're 18!

I didn't see it in a movie. I was replying to another post.