AIBU to end it after he would not help with my flat tyre

[Leabee1234]

Ive been with my partner over a year and ive just ended things again as I am so fed up and I am distraught now. My final straw was today I had a flat tyre and was standed with my 3 year old in the car (not his child mine from previous relationship) I basically have a spare wheel but no.idea how to fit it and I was stressed panicking with my unsettled son in the car. I rang him he didnt once offer to help I then said are you not going to offer to help as no one else is available and im stranded. He said its not his fault I dont habe breakdown cover and im an idiot for not knowing how to chanfe a tyre. He was 30.mins away but was free this morning wasnt working. I would always and have always offered to help him if he eber needs it. So ibe gone mad and lost my shit with him. He said im entitled.i basically ended up having yo drive over 10 mins with flat tyre to garage crying as I was worried my car would break or wheel.would comd off. He just doesnt care or make effort at all. He always says he loves me and cares but he doesnt show it. He also doesnt show mucu interest in my son. Weve had alot of arguments about his lack of effort and how I feel unappreciated and unsupported but nothing changes. Now ive gonr mad he said that this is my fault and hes glad were over . We had a holiday booked in 2 weeks just me.and him for a few nights also. I just feel so shit. I feel like I make so much effort for him and always have and I dont receive it. How do I find strength to let go. I hate the thoucht of starting over again. Im exhausted from trying

What a horrible post. If he was truly a partner, he would have either gone to help or organised help for her.
Your partner is the one person you should be able to rely on.

I refer you back to my comment about it not being the 1950s…

An adult should be able to deal with things like this (car breaking down isn’t completely unforeseeable) without having to play the damsel in distress.

Only if you are happy to be vulnerable and subject to the whims of another person. I couldn’t do it but each to their own. It’s nice to know someone has your back but you should be capable of looking after yourself

Using the child to guilt someone into helping is never going to end well

I'd have dumped him already. You know he's no good.

You need to value yourself more, op.

I’d like to see you come and change my 21” wheel on my SUV having first got the wheel nuts off that have been torqued with a wheel gun, get the 70lb wheel off, then do the lot in reverse ensuring the wheel is retorqued properly.

I take it you’re a man, right?

Sometimes you need an incident like this to see who someone really is. I bet this isn’t out of character.

You deserve better.

It's technique, not strength. Try it sometime rather than being a woman who thinks it's OK to rely on men.

Your relationship isn’t working. It’s should be nice and fun in the first years! Get rid and make space for someone who respects you and your son, speaks to you properly and shows you that he loves you with actions.

Perhaps some of us don't feel the need and may know because we have been here since it were fields.

Nah…that’s why I breakdown cover! Don’t keep a dog and bark yourself.

Using torque guns to tighten your wheel nuts is a really stupid idea and any garage who are too lazy to properly tighten nuts by hand in a criss cross pattern and then with a torque wrench should be avoided at all costs.

I don't think it's that easy. Getting those wheel nuts off is quite difficult. I had to borrow some swept up tool from a neighbour once because the tool in the boot required far more strength than I had. The car was in our driveway so I could take my time. and that is the one and only time I have changed a tyre.

The last flat tyre I got was from hitting a rock where a hillside had slipped. I phoned for roadside rescue after I phoned my husband who checked whether I wanted him to come out. Roadside rescue turned up in half an hour and managed to change the tyre in the pouring rain in the dark far faster than my husband or I could have managed. Really with a small child you should get proper breakdown cover.

He sounds quite unpleasant. In my younger hotter days men practically rushed to change my tyre when I had a flat - complete strangers who stopped to help. Now I have roadside rescue. Yes, I would have expected him to come especially if he said it was so easy to change the tyre.

I would dump someone who obviously did not care for me and spoke to me unpleasantly, yes. I would view this not as "having to start again" but choosing to improve my life.

At the same time whilst a flat tyre is inconvenient and stressful, especially with a small child in the car but it's best to learn to manage these things yourself if you are a driver and using the vehicle to transport children.

Ultimately you managed the situation by driving to a nearby garage and were able to deal with it without him anyway. The wheel will not fall off from a flat tyre however if you genuinely felt it was unsafe to be on the road with the vehicle as it was then you should not have driven it at all, especialy with the child in the car, and should have called for recovery. You don't need a recovery plan to call a provider and get assistance.

I would recommend you sort breakdown cover so you don't have to worry in future.

Not when your car has a central wheel lock.

Then why use the twee character substitution? If you don’t want to type the word shit then I’m sure others are available 😆

Gosh you do like to pick an argument don't you. It isn't even about a point relevant to the thread.

So basically, the op is with a shit, cheating, uncaring man who has no interest in her or her small child, and loads of people on here are saying;
Ooh, why don't you know how to change a tyre? Why haven't you the strength to deal with it? Why can't you just buy roadside assistance?

You need to post in relationships, op. Not on aibu where these people lurk.

I would help him if he ever needed it and I was able to.

The point is you've done what a lot of people do.

You haven't bothered to learn a useful skill.
You know he can do it.
You could previously asked him to show you how.
Or even questioned him about what ways you could resolve this yourself (mobile tyre fitters etc)

But instead you've relied on him having useful skills. So much so you've saved money on breakdown cover. And then got annoyed when you can't leverage those skills.

So there's likely an imbalance about what help you are actually able to offer him. Which does make your protestation a little hollow and I can understand why he sees you as entitled. Odds on this is not the first such incident.

YABU

Yes because being unable to handle things herself increases the chances of being stuck with someone like that. Why make yourself that vulnerable when you don’t have to

The man sounds pointless for a myriad of reasons, but honestly; what's with the breaking/making up nonsense?

You knew he was a shit, so he hasn't revealed anything new here. Just choose better for yourself- i.e, dump him for good.
Save all that wonderful energy for yourself and your son.
The holiday money will also buy excellent breakdown coverage, as I can almost guarantee you paid for that too.

I’m going tbh and say I don’t know how to change a tire either. I sort of know but I lack the confidence that I’d Jack the car up at the right point be able to get all the nuts off and back on. I know someone whose wheel fell off after the nuts weren’t properly tightened ( over tightened can also be a problem.) I would say RAC cover is worth it in my area they always subcontract tyre jobs to a local company who will come and get spare on or put you on the back and take you to a car park where a mobile tyre fitter will replace however many tyres you need. Never had to wait over an hour and I’ve gotten through a few tyres due to crappy roads.

One of the best things in my very long marriage was the fact we always had each others backs. I manage on my own now (widow) but i miss that.

and a 3 year old and jack up a car at the same time?