AIBU to end it after he would not help with my flat tyre

[Leabee1234]

Ive been with my partner over a year and ive just ended things again as I am so fed up and I am distraught now. My final straw was today I had a flat tyre and was standed with my 3 year old in the car (not his child mine from previous relationship) I basically have a spare wheel but no.idea how to fit it and I was stressed panicking with my unsettled son in the car. I rang him he didnt once offer to help I then said are you not going to offer to help as no one else is available and im stranded. He said its not his fault I dont habe breakdown cover and im an idiot for not knowing how to chanfe a tyre. He was 30.mins away but was free this morning wasnt working. I would always and have always offered to help him if he eber needs it. So ibe gone mad and lost my shit with him. He said im entitled.i basically ended up having yo drive over 10 mins with flat tyre to garage crying as I was worried my car would break or wheel.would comd off. He just doesnt care or make effort at all. He always says he loves me and cares but he doesnt show it. He also doesnt show mucu interest in my son. Weve had alot of arguments about his lack of effort and how I feel unappreciated and unsupported but nothing changes. Now ive gonr mad he said that this is my fault and hes glad were over . We had a holiday booked in 2 weeks just me.and him for a few nights also. I just feel so shit. I feel like I make so much effort for him and always have and I dont receive it. How do I find strength to let go. I hate the thoucht of starting over again. Im exhausted from trying

Fair enough but no need for the worn out 1950s comment. Let's be honest most women don't have the strength to change a tyre especially a large one nor would wish to do it!

Well I wouldn't be able change my wheel either but I do have breakdown cover and a can of some foam stuff (that I also don't know how to use)..... regardless, this sounds like the straw that broke the camels back OP. You say you don't want to start again, but being on your own is surely better than being with your partner??

As an aside, carry a tyre inflator in the boot. You can get inexpensive ones and they’re ridiculously easy to use. Depending on the reason for the flat tyre it’s often enough to get you carefully home.
Also learn how to check tyre pressures and do it regularly.
And I second the long-handled tyre wrench mentioned upthread.

To those saying you should know how to change a tyre, I know perfectly well as my Dad taught me to the week I passed my test but getting the locking nuts off when they've been put on with air tools is a whole other ball game.

Changing a tyre is easy for some people, but not for all. Particularly those with no experience.
I can change a tyre. I can change plugs, put furniture together, and all sorts of practical shit that my partner cannot do as our varying strengths are complimentary rather than matching, and in this context it is absolutely irrelevant because if my partner phoned me distressed with her kid from the side of a road with an emergency, i would be there ASAP whether it was due to a flat tyre or a broken shoelace, because thats what you do when someone you love is having a crisis, whether you think its dumb or not, you get there.

Breakdown cover is fine, but tyres are often at an additional premium, as are keys etc etc. For a full bells and whistles cover its £50 a month.
In world where everyone people are skint and need to trim the fat so they can afford to fill their tanks, i can understand why cover would be the first thing to be cancelled on a "let us pray" basis.

Other than that, I hope that posting what you did to someone who's clearly distressed with a shite partner made you feel a lot bigger and better about yourself. Well done.

I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day, but he’s showing you he doesn’t care and you’re better off out of it. But also think about how you speak to him “are you not going to offer to help” why not say “please can you help me”. The former immediately gets someone’s back up as a criticism. Extract yourself and your son from this drama and take care of practical things yourself so you don’t need to be ‘rescued’ by a romantic partner.

Sounds like it’s best to stay broken up this time, take your son away on the holiday instead and get breakdown cover. I have it included with a bank account with some other benefits like phone/travel insurance etc which works out competitive.

Sounds like he wants a relationship with you, but not your kid. You playing the I need help because my toddler is upset is making him responsible for a child he has no interest in.

You've ended it, and you say that this last incident was "the last straw". That sounds like you were dissatisfied, upset and fed up for a long time and had already given him second chances after you'd first thought of ending it. Why, then, would you second-guess yourself and consider staying with him now? Even giving him every benefit of the doubt, the two of you have completely different ideas of what a relationship entails and how to treat a partner, and neither of you has been able to compromise on that.

Breakups are hard even when they're necessary. Change and uncertainty are upsetting, you may miss the good times and his good qualities or just having someone there even if you can't count on them and they treat you badly, you may be mourning who you thought he was and what you thought the relationship could be. But you will get through it. My advice is to cut contact and put this stage of your life mentally behind you as much as you can.

He's not wrong to say you should be prepared to change a tyre and/or have dependable professional help on hand to change it for you - what if you'd been stranded and neither he nor any of your family and friends had been reachable? - but that's a separate issue from his being an arsehole to you when you asked for help and putting you down because you don't think exactly the way he does.

He doesn't sound very nice, does he have another car that he could have helped you with. I would have called a taxi or the garage. You are not good together, it's better if you end it now, it won't get any better and screaming and shouting doesn't ever help anyone. Do you live together.

Don't have the strength 😳. Your World sounds more like the 1850's.

I bet he wouldn't have thought twice if it was a male friend that phoned him op, that't tells you everything you need to detatch.

Ive been with my partner over a year and ive just ended things again

Even if I didn’t read another word of your post, this is enough to tell it’s a crap relationship.

But I did read it. You asked for his help, he belittled you and didn’t give it. This is not a supportive partner. And not the first time, by the sound of it.

Ditch him.

Go on the holiday with a friend and celebrate getting away from him.

Depends on the car, most people should be able to change the tyre of a small to medium vehicle, they are just too lazy to learn (loads of very good youtube instructions). I get that the wheels on large SUVs are heavy though. I guess I am more surprised at just how crap people are with general car maintenance these days and would struggle to put air in their tyres or fill up the windscreen wash or even worse just assume its the man's job.

Secondly, find someone - brother, father, colleague, friend, trusted car mechanic, to show you how to change a tyre.

I learned from a YouTube video. It took about 20 minutes.

It did, thanks.

Which is why they should have breakdown cover.

Why, esp if you have a small child, would you drive around knowing that if you have a car issue, you are helpless? I used the 50s reference deliberately, it’s hard enough for some people to take women seriously as it is.

Definitely, and in this order:

• Dump the arsehole, if he wouldn't help you with this he's not gonna help you with bigger things either.
• Learn how to change a tyre, where the jacking point is, where the locking wheel nut is, get a decent jack and wheelbrace.
• Get break down cover

Your life will be significantly better for all three things.

It's not about why you can't change a tyre or why haven't you got cover.
Your problem is a man who doesn't care , everything aside your comment about how he is not interested in your child is enough to end it -BIG RED FLAG !
Please don't stay with this waste of space just because you don't want to start again, put your child 1st you come as a package.

But people are more likely to feel they should stay with men like this if they depend on them for things. Freedom is not needing someone but wanting them.

You said you have broken up with him “again”. If he doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t make an effort then it isn’t even about the tyre. Personally I wouldn’t introduce a partner to a child until at least a year so I don’t think I would put too much stock in if he makes an effort with your 3yo.

It was unkind to call you an idiot, there isn’t much you can do about it in that situation and he could have calmed you down on the phone and helped you realise you could call a mobile fitter or talk you through changing the tyre.

You’re doing the right think in dumping him. He could have offered to pick you up and drop you and toddler home for example, he could have changed the tyre.

he’s selfish, you already knew this. None of this is coming as a surprise to you. You know what to do. Kick this one to the kerb.

you need to set an example to your toddler that you aren’t treated like this, so they will grow up knowing they are worth the effort

This is literally why boyfriends exist and he should be happy to help you if he can. Even if you can change a tyre yourself, you had a child with you. What are you meant to do with the kid while you jack the car up?