AIBU to end it after he would not help with my flat tyre

[Leabee1234]

Ive been with my partner over a year and ive just ended things again as I am so fed up and I am distraught now. My final straw was today I had a flat tyre and was standed with my 3 year old in the car (not his child mine from previous relationship) I basically have a spare wheel but no.idea how to fit it and I was stressed panicking with my unsettled son in the car. I rang him he didnt once offer to help I then said are you not going to offer to help as no one else is available and im stranded. He said its not his fault I dont habe breakdown cover and im an idiot for not knowing how to chanfe a tyre. He was 30.mins away but was free this morning wasnt working. I would always and have always offered to help him if he eber needs it. So ibe gone mad and lost my shit with him. He said im entitled.i basically ended up having yo drive over 10 mins with flat tyre to garage crying as I was worried my car would break or wheel.would comd off. He just doesnt care or make effort at all. He always says he loves me and cares but he doesnt show it. He also doesnt show mucu interest in my son. Weve had alot of arguments about his lack of effort and how I feel unappreciated and unsupported but nothing changes. Now ive gonr mad he said that this is my fault and hes glad were over . We had a holiday booked in 2 weeks just me.and him for a few nights also. I just feel so shit. I feel like I make so much effort for him and always have and I dont receive it. How do I find strength to let go. I hate the thoucht of starting over again. Im exhausted from trying

He sounds like a twat but if you’re going to drive a car there is a responsibility on you to know the basics. Anyone can have a flat tyre at any time. My DD had changed 2 (first with supervision) before she was 12. It’s an important life skill. (And I always buy a spare wheel if the car doesn’t come with one. A can of foam or hours of waiting for a breakdown service when a wheel can be changed in under 10 mins is a no-brainer.)

How does this rely on men?

Breakdown cover can be female and or the necessary EQUIPMENT professional not amateur to remove a tyre and owned by a man or woman...but not owned by the average driver

Even cars without spare wheels come with the tools to remove one (to squirt foam in and inflate it).

OP didn’t say she didn’t have the equipment, she said she didn’t know how to. It’s no different to the male partners of members of this site that apparently can’t operate washing machines or toilet brushes. You need not be a professional for any of this, just a competent adult.

You still dont use a torque gun on a central wheel lock unless you are driving an F1 or NASCAR.

I have been driving for just over 40 years and only once had a flat tyre. I had 3 DCs plus excitable dog in the car. Lots of luggage on top of spare. Some very kind gentleman stopped (in tennis whites) and changed the wheel.

I couldn't physically empty that boot now, let alone change a wheel, so would call a breakdown company.

Go on holiday without him.

If you want help you should ask for it, not call someone to tell them you’re having a panic and then demand to know whether they are going to offer to help. That is the very definition of Passive-Aggressive behaviour.
He doesn’t really sound like Prince Charming though, so maybe it’s for the best to knock it on the head.
I hope things get better for you soon.

Your OP seems to have got derailed. Getting back to your question you’re not unreasonable to think about leaving him as it sounds like he’s checked out anyway.

You’d be a fool to stay with him. He couldn’t have shown you any louder or clearer what he thinks of you. Listen and act.

Sometimes you need an incident like this to see who someone really is. I bet this isn’t out of character.

You deserve better.

My df showed me how to do all the car related things, and impressed on me the importance of breakdown cover, carrying the right tools (a long handled wrench). He was one of those wonderful 1970s men who supported women’s empowerment and at the same time looked after and took care of the women he loved.

He set the standard really high for me and it didn’t occur to me to settle for anyone that would shrug me off when I had a difficulty, or wouldn’t step up. Dh is similar - capable, happy to share his knowledge and would never leave me stuck. If there’s a conversation to be had about preparation and resiliency it would be had later. In the crisis he’d be helpful.

This is the sort of df you want for your dc. You can be independent, capable and resilient but it’s still important to make good choices in men.

ltb

You must end it. He is a cunt.

How can you think of him as a partner when he won't make a small effort to make your life easier.

What's the point of a partner who doesn't make you feel loved and supported.

Seriously, what's the fucking point of him?

Sorry, not 'must', but I hope you will/can end it.

Some weird replies siding with this horrid man. At the end of the day, he deliberately chose to not help you out of pure spite. Dump him and don’t look back (again), for good this time.

I don’t think people are siding with him but to say ‘so you aren’t going to help’ is passive aggressive and will get someone’s back up.

Plus people should be able to deal with things by having the appropriate cover rather than expecting someone to come and sort them out when he’s already shown he is unreliable

I could tell you what my husband did when I had a flat tyre recently, but it won’t help. Suffice to say, he dropped everything to come to my aid, like any caring partner would. I have no clue how to change a tyre, I had no clue that my new car doesn’t even have one 😂

You might think being in a relationship, any relationship, is being better than being single. Of course It isn’t. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t care about you.

You could tell her, it won’t help and then what told her anyway, you’re right it doesn’t help, but gloat away,

It's more about his lack of concern and help. Can't you see that? I'd have dumped him too. Primarily because I like people in my life that are kind and care about me. The exact same traits that I show people I care about. I would never leave my partner stranded. It's just mean and this world is mean enough.

I wouldn’t be very sympathetic of you didn’t have break down cover.

Thanks for the helpful replies and the unhelpful ones. 🙄
I have ended it (not like he cares) I dont think he has cared for a long time but has stayed wuth me out of convenience.
I rang him crying stressed in a panic as I was stuck with a toddler in the car crying and had no idea what to do. I wasnt travelling far. His response was its not my fault you dont havr breakdown cover and simply im not driving 30 minutes to come and help you. I then got upset and mad and said I deserve better and that I am asking for help stranded with my child and if this was the other way around id help him with no hesitation.he then turned his phone off for over an hour so I had to deal with it obviously without him. I have been upset all day about this. He then says im dumb for not knowing how to change a tyre and im entitled and a nightmare girlfriend . He doesnt like me clearly so I dont know why he continues to stay with me and lie saying he does love me. This has opened my eyes . Ive put up with alot and the lack of effort ive stayed hoping hed make more wffort and care about me more. Unfortunately today has shown even more that he doesnt care and that I am completely alone

I hope you and your child are able to have something to eat, then snuggle up and have a good night's sleep. Tomorrow, please tell the man to do one - break up, block. You perhaps don't realise it yet, but you and your child will blossom and thrive without him. A life without him will be wonderful. Best wishes.

I don't need to read any updates (if there are any) or other comments to say that you absolutely did the right thing in ending it. What an unpleasant man.

Not to mention loosening the wheel nuts. I know how to change a tyre, but it's a moot point if I can't get the wheel nuts loosened in the first place.

Op honestly as someone who's been there, it's lonelier being around someone like that who you can't rely on than actually being on your own. Do you have a friend you can call? Or family? If not can you use the energy you were wasting on him to build a good network of friends who you can actually count on? A partner should feel like a nice extra in life, not something you need.

You are really lucky to see what he's truly like over something 'lesser' like a flat tyre...

Imagine having a disabled child with this loser.

Rejoice he's gone. Some other poor sucker can have him.