AIBU to end it after he would not help with my flat tyre

[Leabee1234]

Ive been with my partner over a year and ive just ended things again as I am so fed up and I am distraught now. My final straw was today I had a flat tyre and was standed with my 3 year old in the car (not his child mine from previous relationship) I basically have a spare wheel but no.idea how to fit it and I was stressed panicking with my unsettled son in the car. I rang him he didnt once offer to help I then said are you not going to offer to help as no one else is available and im stranded. He said its not his fault I dont habe breakdown cover and im an idiot for not knowing how to chanfe a tyre. He was 30.mins away but was free this morning wasnt working. I would always and have always offered to help him if he eber needs it. So ibe gone mad and lost my shit with him. He said im entitled.i basically ended up having yo drive over 10 mins with flat tyre to garage crying as I was worried my car would break or wheel.would comd off. He just doesnt care or make effort at all. He always says he loves me and cares but he doesnt show it. He also doesnt show mucu interest in my son. Weve had alot of arguments about his lack of effort and how I feel unappreciated and unsupported but nothing changes. Now ive gonr mad he said that this is my fault and hes glad were over . We had a holiday booked in 2 weeks just me.and him for a few nights also. I just feel so shit. I feel like I make so much effort for him and always have and I dont receive it. How do I find strength to let go. I hate the thoucht of starting over again. Im exhausted from trying

What a useless piece of sh*t
dump him and don’t look back
get AA cover they’ll always come to rescue you!

Exactly it's not really about the tyre is it?

She is stranded in the car with a 3 yr old and he is available but can't arsed to help.

Personally I'd rather be single than with someone like that.

Yes, she deliberately had a flat when out and about with a 3 year old to test him!!

Op, do not be tempted to take him back. His lack of empathy and contempt for you is the issue and a major red flag. I once ignored the red flag of lack of empathy from an ex and it only got worse. You will start questioning yourself, posting on mn asking if you are being reasonable because you feel confused by his behaviour (says he loves me but doesn't act that way).

Trust his actions (or lack of actions) more than his words. A random stranger would have helped you which is why his response is unacceptable.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

He's shown you what a selfish person he is. Dump & don't look back.

You can just call the AA or whoever and pay a one off fee to them to come out

Come off it. If a man I was dating phoned me ranting and raving, losing his shit and guilt tripping me because he got a puncture. He wouldn't see me for dust.

He's a waste of space.
A man you can't rely on is not one you want.
Get breakdown cover and dump him.

Firstly - your not wrong to get rid.

Secondly for your own sake and your child’s safety - learn some basics of car maintenance and get breakdown cover!

Knowing how to change a wheel is one thing, being able to do so is another matter. I doubt I could even lift my wheels as they are 21” and I doubt I could torque them to the right settings once fitted, providing I could get them off in the first place.

Eueeeeew at all the posts from Nelly Know Alls questioning why she doesn’t know how to change a tyre. God forbid any of us should be daring to go through life without being totally capable and knowing how to do everything and anything without help at all times.

Totally missing the point of the post and just trying to find a way to make the obviously already down OP feel bad about themselves or like this is all their fault. Some women really are horrible. Hope the OP is taking no notice.

I don’t agree with this at all

Changing a tyre is only easy if you know how. There’s loads of mistakes you could make if you aren’t familiar with it - even before you start you’ve got to know where to put the (small and shit) jack, which professional tyre people wouldn’t even use. OP didn’t know how. Learning whilst supervising a 3yo in a stressful situation would have been stupid.

Also, breakdown cover these days has really changed. In the old days, you could call them and they’d come in a reasonable amount of time. I’ve cancelled my breakdown cover this year. I’d had it for 25 years and last time I called - at 4pm, the latest estimate for arrival (which kept changing) was 2-5am the following morning. So it’s actually a waste of money.

Not to mention you need to understand where your safe jacking points are on your particular make and model, and have the strength needed to manually undo wheel nuts which have been tightened using a power tool, by the side of a moving road, possibly in the rain or darkness!

I know exactly how to change my tyres and where my jacking points are, but I’ve never yet been able to undo wheel nuts manually on any of my cars.

So what would you suggest? The OP just assumes someone will come and help? Not a very safe attitude when she has a small child in the car. And that’s why people suggest she either pays for the cover or have car maintenance lessons

This was my first reaction. You also need all the proper equiment to safely jack and remove/tighten the wheel nuts, then properly inflate the new tyre after. No one should be attempting this unless they know what they're doing. Personally i wouldn't even ask unless i knew someone had done it before and was competent. It's not difficult to do, but it can be disasterous if you mess it up.

The point is he was totally unsupportive, and if that's a pattern of behaviour then you are right to end it. But i don't think there should be an expectation that all men should be able to change a tyre.

Seriously?? It is an emergency, in that it needs action from someone else before anything can be done and until then she stranded with her 3yo. I have roadside assist and my dh would still have come and we’d decide who waited with the car and who took 3yo, he’d offer to wait. I think this is a crystal clear case of chuck the whole man in the bin op, you aren’t under reacting in the slightest.

You need to get a long handle for the socket. I have one about 2 feet long, 20 quid from Halfords, it turns those suckers so easily.

I did this in response to a previous flat tyre incident where a mobile welder had to come out and weld a spanner to the nuts, then turn the spanner with a long metal pipe (after me and RAC both failed).

Get breakdown
cover or ask a friend or family member to teach you how to change a tyre.

Dump him fully - ie no more back and forth.

Buy the book “Women Who Love Too Much” and read it several times.

Take a break from dating until you feel
stronger in yourself. Focus on your DC and yourself only for now.

Bad men tell women they love and care for them all the time. They have no problem lying about that. You're only confused because you wouldn't lie like that. He's shown you repeatedly by his actions he doesn't care about you. So it's easy now. He's a shit and you can find a much better, kinder man.
If any of my hisbands female friends rang him with that problem he would have no hesitation to go and help, if he could get there, or at least ring round to find out if anyone else could help. That's because my husband is a kind and decent man.

Her post said I rang him he didnt once offer to help I then said are you not going to offer to help as no one else is available and im stranded

That's reasonable...she didn't rant until it became clear he wasn't going to help. As I said most decent men, even strangers would offer to help. No empathy, that's the major red flag.

The flat tyre sounds like the least of your problems. You and your son are clearly not a priority in his life. Actions speak louder than words. I would ditch him as he sounds like he doesn't give a shit in general. Also get a portable pump for your tyre and some breakdown cover.

He sounds awful and you are not wrong to ditch him.

You need to learn to change a tyre or have a breakdown membership.

He sounds an utter sh1t and you are right to ditch him as he will not change.

However DH and I have been married for 37 years and I have had many flat tyres. I have never needed DH to sort me out and I have no idea how to change a tyre. I do, however, have breakdown cover.

If someone asked me if I was going to offer to help, instead of just asking for help, I admit I would be fairly pissy as well.

It’s not the 1950s, surely women should be capable of dealing with things like a broken down car. Breakdown cover isn’t perfect but if you don’t have the time or inclination to learn for yourself, it is useful. And the great thing about not being reliant on some bloke is that it’s easier to bin off the useless ones 😊

Sounds like he doesn’t like you and the way he speaks to you isn’t ok. So you’re better off out of it.

I think you were U here though. He was 30 minutes away. In that time you could have rang someone to help you. You could have called the garage yourself and asked for advice or the number of a tyre fitter. Stand on your own two feet. Going mental is really immature as well and doesn’t help the situation.

Keep the man dumped and work on yourself.

You can swear on here, you don’t have to worry about changing a word to get past filters.