To think children are kinder now than in the 80s/90s

[Bedheadbeachbum]

As a parent often I see children being kind and inclusive - or even just tolerant of other children they don't know - at play parks, theme parks, parties etc.

I was a child in the 80s/90s & my brother and I remember vividly how mean other kids used to be if you didn't know them or were established 'friends' at school etc. Or just plain picky and 'I'm not going to talk to you'. It was a pattern that ran across our childhoods & I can't believe it was just us. We lived in the south east.

I often see the opposite now. Only today, both my children on separate occasions were included by others when playing in the same area at a theme park by kids they'd just met.

I'm wondering why? Are we parenting differently & supervising our children more? Putting more emphasis on being kind? Are kids TV and films kinder & more good natured now & having an influence? (when I show my kids some of our old shows I think they are questionable by today's standards).

My friend and i had this precise conversation on Monday. I'm an 80s kid and it was fucking horrible. Psychological and physical warfare.

I am a teacher and I definitely think that children are kinder now than in the 80s and 90s.

I teach in secondary education and being gay is no longer worthy of comment. There are far fewer incidents of racism or misogyny.

However, a lot depends on the school.

Some are some aren’t

(teacher)

there is a big big focus on being kind in education at all levels these days however that I don’t remember being there in the 80s.

Tbh I'm very surprised by your post OP.

Yes, completely agree. Adults used to be quite mean about other kids too so I think it was learned behaviour. People don’t do that now.

They are. But they are also less resiliant and it's very much a surface kindness as they get older. All done for show - in the same way that reality tv shows have people saying how much they love someone they met two days ago and how they are now 'friends for life'. I also teach teens and some of the nastiness on Snapchat and social media you would not believe.

I grew up in the 70s where kids were definitely mean and blunt to your face, but there was far less subtle bullying, and none of the online shit that today's kids are exposed to.

HELL YES.

in the 80s and 90s we were much more violent (I have a theory it’s related to smacking 😎) fighting scraping etc

bullying was common- there wasn’t even the self awareness about what it was and certainly not the sophistication to understand bullying by exclusion etc

children seem generally kinder and a lot more emotionally intelligent now

That’s nice to hear OP. I don’t have kids but I was talking to a friend who does and she was mentioning how they were more knowledgeable than her about things like autism, and mindful of what they needed to do to support a kid in their class who had it (eg if he was getting overstimulated). Whereas my generation (also 80s/90s) was that horrible one that greeted every kind of difference or special need with slurs. I do think there has been a bit of a societal shift in terms of recognising and respecting difference, although obviously we’ve also seen the backlash to that with the likes of Trump and Farage.

And yet every day there is footage of kids violently attacking others uploaded to SM, teens being stabbed or stabbing others, gangs of teens wandering around intimidating others, stealing with no fear of any reprisal so I don't think it's as simple as you make it sound.

Yes!! It was that way for me too 🙏

Having kids and witnessing kids not be absolute first rate little shits has been healing, not going to lie.

Ok glad it's not just me.

Yes agree so much about emotional intelligence and also, intelligence to realize when a child is younger and less able to do things & trying to help or include them.

Completely agree there is a world of subtle bullying on social media but we are a way off navigating this.

Imagine 80s / 90s kids with social media accounts though. No, just don't.

I was telling my teen who wants glasses, how back in the 90s that was the last thing anyone would have wanted to have had. It was seen as geeky.
Wed get taken the mick out of if if we didn’t have our socks rolled down exactly right. The right bag - which had to be carried on one shoulder only. The right shoes. Etc etc

And yes no one would have dared be gay!

It was exhausting. She looked at me like I was mad! They are much more inclusive now. One of the TAs commented on it actually to another parent, she said it’s not like when we were at school. When they were worried about something.

But obviously no one could take or share footage back then?

Exactly this, Im amazed at the OP and some of the responses

Its masking. Kids are subject to expectations about group think and restriction and impulse control that they're not really developed for at times. Having to think about and bear in mind some quite adult concepts and psychological insight that is beyond them.

Its no wonder we have kids having a MH crisis.

Its absolutely superficial and I work with kids and the amount of online and social media bullying and risk and sexting etc is rife along with various social contagions of trans and self harm.

There’s seems to be generally more emotional intelligence with kids today- perhaps that is school effect, promoting kindness towards others etc lots of reinforcing anti bullying

In the late 80/early 90s at primary school I experienced bullying by exclusion, lead by this one awful girl- she used to pull my ponytail out, tell me how ugly I was etc, she had her 2 sidekicks who didn’t have a brain cell between them

Also I got called a paki by another boy in the playground (I’m a bit brown but definitely no Pakistani heritage…I’m white/SE Asian mix) and I said some swear words in return & got bollocked by the lunchtime supervisor

luckily my year 6 teacher asked me what happened so I told her, I still see that other boy in the local area- he’s now got a wife & kids, hope they aren’t calling anyone else those kinds of things!!

The knife thing definitely on the up sadly than those days but teens were definitely being intimidating back then and stealing.

I'm talking more about children.

I think it’s very different but not necessarily better than it used to be.

Ds2 had a terrible time all through school and we had to pull him out for his own safety. This was nine years ago. I don't think things will have miraculously improved in this time. It's okay if you fit in, but kids are absolutely brutal if you're bright or stand out.

I’ve wondered about this too. I was obsessed with Malory Towers as a child and couldn’t wait to read the series with dd. She declined to go on after the first chapter because she felt so sorry for Gwen and her mum, feeling sad about parting for the first time, and thought Darrell and Janet were nasty bullies.

Having grown up in the 70s/80s it’s weird to be in a world now where so many of the very wrong things (being gay, pregnant out of wedlock, atheism, living in sin,) are completely acceptable and normal and what was considered evidence of poor character (addiction, neurodiversity, poverty) is treated with compassion instead of judgement.

It was like there was widespread gaslighting - and it was safest to just play along. There were so many social injustices that weren’t acknowledged and people who spoke up were pilloried, so you learned to figure out what the rules were and toe the line, do what teacher or the priest or your parents said was right, and don’t question (give lip/talk back) because there were physical consequences.

Enid Blyton made it clear that Gwen and her mother were to be despised and Janet and Darrell were much better people, and I was so conditioned to accept what I was told by authorities that I couldn’t have begun to question the authorial voice.

I was really shocked by DD’s reaction to the book. Then shocked that I hadn’t seen that myself. I think there’s been a huge shift in both parenting and wider social attitudes that allows children to think for themselves, question their world without fear of being smacked, and that has resulted in emotional intelligence.

I expect they’re the same, but they do their bullying online where adults can’t see it

God yes, I'm always astonished at how nice DC are with their friends. I take no credit, I didn't raise them to be like that, lol. There is a lot more mutual support than we had.

I think this is area dependent. We moved across country and one of the things that shocked me most is how unfriendly the children were (and the parents tbh).

Kids in general are pretty accepting, I think a lot of mean behaviour in the past was learned from adults in their lives eg it’s ok to be racist, take the piss out of glasses etc. Parents today are less likely to do that & schools teach inclusivity so kids are less likely to see anything wrong with a different skin colour.

That said I still think kids have the capacity to be very mean

I agree with this

Totally agree.
And my lived experience of children today is very negative. I feel as though OP and some of the posters on this thread must live in a different world.