To think children are kinder now than in the 80s/90s

[Bedheadbeachbum]

As a parent often I see children being kind and inclusive - or even just tolerant of other children they don't know - at play parks, theme parks, parties etc.

I was a child in the 80s/90s & my brother and I remember vividly how mean other kids used to be if you didn't know them or were established 'friends' at school etc. Or just plain picky and 'I'm not going to talk to you'. It was a pattern that ran across our childhoods & I can't believe it was just us. We lived in the south east.

I often see the opposite now. Only today, both my children on separate occasions were included by others when playing in the same area at a theme park by kids they'd just met.

I'm wondering why? Are we parenting differently & supervising our children more? Putting more emphasis on being kind? Are kids TV and films kinder & more good natured now & having an influence? (when I show my kids some of our old shows I think they are questionable by today's standards).

I don't know I think kids are and have always been able to be pretty ruthless with a huge capacity for being horrible to each other and that will continue for as long as they are little humans. The same child who is horrible can also be kind and empathetic, such is human nature.

Are you asleep? I find your post deeply concerning.Misogyny, sexual harassment , racism, homophobia and ableism are rife. And as for being “gay is no longer worthy of comment” as the mother of a gay son driven suicidal that’s beyond ridiculous. Open your eyes.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cdjpx7rnredo

Misogyny and sexual harassment in schools have reached alarming levels, deeply normalized among peer groups and exacerbated by online influencers.
The Scale of the Issue
Normalization: Reviews by Ofsted reveal that peer-on-peer sexual harassment is so commonplace that many students see no point in reporting it.
Sexist Language: Up to 90% of girls report being subjected to frequent sexist name-calling or derogatory language, and nearly as many report being sent unsolicited explicit images.
Impact on Staff: The issue extends to teachers; reports indicate a significant spike in female educators facing misogynistic and abusive behavior from pupils.

Lol you reckon? It’s actually rife, as it’s always been. I work at a university and we have had to discipline students engaging in deeply unpleasant racist and misogynistic bullying. Jokes about certain races having lower IQ and the like.

I hear kids calling others gay all the time. Not because they are gay but because gay means crap.

The sexist stuff — I went to school in the 60/70s. Boys looking up skirts etc - no -they’d have been called a perv.
the be kind stuff is rife and being more accepting of difference is good
but people dress in ways that would have got them ostracised in those days

I’ve seen a massive difference between my child’s (11) peer group and mine. My junior school was full of bullying and name calling. When I went on holiday to groups and stuff you had to navigate all the same. Not particularly to me I might add!

My daughter’s peers are inclusive and would be horrified at name calling or picking on someone’s worst attributes

This.

My memory is getting worse and worse! I think I’ve conflated both series and probably a swathe of Secret Seven and Famous Five too.

I think things like this can be cyclical. We’ve kinda peaked 5/10 years ago, and certain attitudes are coming back. Just look at the adults!

The other issue is that perspective can be massively skewed by personal experience and a bit of confirmation bias, so it’s hard to judge.

Do you ever get to read social media posts and the vile messages posted on them?

Do you think children of the 80s/90s would have been kind online?

Hmm I expect a lot of it is performative

They weren’t online!

Only because online didn't exist. I don't believe for one minute my tormentors would have passed up the opportunity to put the boot in online as well.

@ObelixtheGaul absolutely.

Those mean kids of my childhood would have been just as awful online, probably more of them bullying and just as bad if not worse tbh.

It would have been absolutely dreadful if that generation of kids had been online. I'm so thankful we missed it.

Agree. We see all the negatives but kids with additional needs much less likely to get laughed at in public. Boys less likely to be mocked for wearing pink.

No there isn’t as education specialists and data shows. The increase in bullying and discriminatory behaviours are deeply concerning.

I dont think this is true given the number of kids as they approach puberty who are being convinced that they're the wrong sex.

A girl cant have short hair and being 'non girly' without the narrative being that 'she's a boy'

Same for boys.

Totally agree, on line nastyness and mysogeny are rife but kids know what to say in front of adults. Its very 2 faced when the kids arent getting what they want. We have lots of 12/13 year olds self harming due to bullying.

That makes sense actually - I feel
the kids are less kind and there’s far more drama/bullying but I live in a far more mixed area than I did growing up or when my kids were young.

We did back then too. The only difference was , adults/teachers sometimes were the ones that started the bullying, or there wasn’t a need to hide it.

Not all kids are online. At our school there’s a big movement to restrict access to screens and the internet and almost no pupil under 15 has a smartphone. So perhaps these children are kinder.

That attitude has been heavily promoted and drip fed for several years (but more recently) by adults with an agenda. There was a time before that when this wasn’t the case. Or at least not at such a high societal level.

They might not have them at school but i bet most have online access outside.