To think children are kinder now than in the 80s/90s

[Bedheadbeachbum]

As a parent often I see children being kind and inclusive - or even just tolerant of other children they don't know - at play parks, theme parks, parties etc.

I was a child in the 80s/90s & my brother and I remember vividly how mean other kids used to be if you didn't know them or were established 'friends' at school etc. Or just plain picky and 'I'm not going to talk to you'. It was a pattern that ran across our childhoods & I can't believe it was just us. We lived in the south east.

I often see the opposite now. Only today, both my children on separate occasions were included by others when playing in the same area at a theme park by kids they'd just met.

I'm wondering why? Are we parenting differently & supervising our children more? Putting more emphasis on being kind? Are kids TV and films kinder & more good natured now & having an influence? (when I show my kids some of our old shows I think they are questionable by today's standards).

I agree OP. I was bright at school and that was a problem. But my kids are bright and hard working and are not teased about it.

I have taught secondary for nearly 30 years and think the complete opposite! Children in my experience now have far less respect for each other than ever before.

My kids are way nicer than I was at the same age.
Firstly they barely even comment on people’s appearance, sexual orientation etc, whether someone is gay or not is barely noteworthy.
There seems to be no meanness at all for being “different” - basic things like wearing glasses, being smart, being a bit chubby etc which would have been picked on at my school are again, barely commented on.
At my school if you made the slightest silly mistake it would be ripped on for ages, people were singled out for being “povvo” for having the wrong school bag etc, it was brutal.

Im sure there are some awful kids of course but in general they seem very relaxed and confident in themselves and way less trying to project an image of “cool”.

Yes definitely. I saw this a week or so ago and could totally relate 😂😂

This is so true for mine too - one of my boys is pretty academic and this is never a problem. I remember when I was at school one of my friends was super smart and one year won a prize for loads of subjects and was in tears because people were so mean to her about it.

They, as a whole, seem to be much more inclusive and tolerant. One of my high schoolers is Autistic, in mainstream schooling, and pretty much never has any issues with other kids. She is ‘high functioning’, bright and confident though, so I don’t know if those traits influence how others view her. She would definitely stand out in certain ways that could incur bullying, but she’s never experienced anything more than a few stupid comments. It’s interesting.

Not really. It’s mostly performative, and bullying occurs instead online.

I agree OP.

I was at secondary school in the 90s and it was tough, you had to be exactly right to fit in and could get your head kicked for having the wrong pencil case. And I was at the "best" school in town, DH's was 10x worse

My kids have had a much more positive experience, it's okay to study and be different. They have experimented with styles and hobbies that I would never dared do.

I find they're much less critical of others too - I am completely embarrassed of myself as a teen when I look at them.

We still live in the same town so it's generation not geography.

I feel like I'm in the twilight zone here. Both my kids have experienced bullying at school, they are not different from their peers and don't have any SEN. I think it's probably just putting on a front a lot of bullying now happens online instead because they think they can get away with it.

I also work in a high school and think children are much more disrespectful to staff and teachers then we where in the 80's and 90's. There is no way we would have got away with some of the behaviour I see now. And no there was no copral punishment when I was at school.

I have mixed feelings on this. I think the 80s was a much crueller time but it had a better social cohesion. I think modern kindness can be very superficial but what was overt bullying has moved underground.

In general though there is far more tolerance of difference than there was in the past.

They absolutely are not. Look at the bullying rates for ND children, racism, homophobia, transphobia, mysoginy etc. There is a reason MH and suicidal idealisation rates are so high in these groups.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cdjpx7rnredo

DD was bullied, mostly by exclusion, but also quite a lot of verbal digs. Even in lessons.
" girls dont play rugby"
"Real girls dont do that"
"Are you sure you arent a boy"
"Reading again?"
"Why are you always reading"
"Why are wearing boys clothes?" (Cargo shorts... she likes the pockets!)

Anything outside the accepted "norm".

At Secondary now... no one cares shes gay. But her non comformity bothers people still.
(And she still gets harassed because she wont date boys... even tbough they kniw she has a girlfriend... because apparently lesbians can date boys if they want to...)

I'm fully aware that I only have a 2.5yo so he might turn into a little terror, but I'm always a bit surprised by MNrs relating that children that age don't share or take turns etc.

My son and his little pals will do something then hand it off without prompting after they've (often inaccurately) counted out their goes, or they'll force adults present to take their turns. My son shares out his favourite foods to everyone around him, whilst my sister still has marks from where she tried to take mine!

Adults are much kinder to children now. Kids from poorer backgrounds were often publicly humiliated by teachers or school parents. Likewise kids from more MC families were teased sniggered at behind their back or laughed at to their face. There was a lot of 'stick to your own' mentality. I feel parents now are generally more kind and are very conscious of not excluding their kids classmates. This trickles down to younger kids and they learn to be more tolerant. I suspect what happens is teens break away from the parents and let their true colours out so bullying becomes online away from adults.

This.

Thing with these stats is that these things are reported and logged much more accurately and often now.

Back in the 70s/80s/90s and probably even the 00s they weren’t logged at all. Even ten years ago there wouldn’t have been as accurate reporting. So it obviously appears to be rising but that’s not necessarily true. It’s just reported more. And spread all over the online media.

That’s not to say it doesn’t happen of course. School is an institution and institutions breed bullying sadly.

But I agree with others that generally kids are kinder today. They are far more inclusive and accepting of difference. They’re woke innit 😜

I actually agree with you OP. Whenever I am out walking my dog and I pull him to my heel to move out of the way of cyclists, every young person always says thank you and is really polite. I walk past groups of kids out playing and when I was younger, many kids like that would shout abuse etc but I don’t come across this now. My Nextdoor neighbour’s 10 year old lad is lovely and really polite too. They were all sat out on the front gardens yesterday (him and his mates) just not being a nuisance at all and playing. It was lovely to see.

They absolutely are not as the data and concerns from education specialists show.

In my very middle class primary school there were physical fights in the playground at least once a week. The dinner ladies had to fight through the crowd of onlookers to break up the scrap. My private secondary was brutal for bullying if you stood out in any way.
I was nervous about my DS starting secondary school because he is pretty nerdy, but he has a huge bunch of friends, from a very diverse group - he hangs out with sporty kids, and kids that party all weekend, and kids that need additional help at school. They are all great kids who genuinely care about each other.

I was at secondary in the 2000s and it was absolutely brutal. Everything was ‘gay’, people were accused of being gay or lesbian, open disgust was showed toward being gay. People teased for not going far enough with boys, or going too far and being ‘slags’. The word ‘sp*stic’ was regularly used and disabilities made fun of. I can’t think of anything that was off limits.

I had a hen do recently with a girl I went to school with who didn’t come out as gay until she was in her mid 20s, such was the stigma and pressure from school.

It seems bizarre now because 20 years ago isn’t that long in the scheme of things but something changed post 2010, not sure what but the enlightenment was fairly quick after that. I think it was a mix of social media raising awareness of things, Me Too and similar movements, and finally schools clamping down on this stuff. When I was at school the teachers joined in!

Everything is about 'me' today. The others aren't important.

I don't think children are kinder today. At all.

Absolutely!

I was in school in the 90s and not only were the kids awful, the teachers were quite happy to use the unpopular kids as a way of getting laughs. It was a complete shitshow.

I have a 16 year old and an almost 14 year old and they're lovely, their friends are lovely and the little weirdnesses that everyone has are accepted without question. Both have openly gay friends and it's not really a thing.

One of my DS16's friends flirted with the manosphere for a while, but he was pulled back to reality by kids who care about him. He is gently ribbed for it occasionally but in a supportive way. But they are allowed to be who they are, and I'm grateful for that.

I think some teachers used to encourage/ join in with bullying in the classroom in the 80s. Probably thought it was just a bit of a laugh and a right of passage.

I have two ND children and I think the bullying is as bad, if not worse. It’s brutal and it’s relentless due to SM. At least you could shut your door in the 80s and not have to face it until the next day. The utter nastiness in some of the kids is breathtaking.
My daughter is broken from years of bullying. She is so damaged she will never recover and may even not be able to work as her nervous system is shot to bits. She is a wreck and has cPTSD. All because of bullying. The schools were useless.
And it was always accompanied by clueless parents whining “not my child” 😡

There is an emphasis on being kind now, there are buddy benches in a lot of playgrounds at schools, bullying used to be the norm, but now in good schools it's dealt with, people are a lot more tolerant, racism, homophobia, etc are called out and not acceptable. But yes, I think a lot of kids are nicer.