To think children are kinder now than in the 80s/90s

[Bedheadbeachbum]

As a parent often I see children being kind and inclusive - or even just tolerant of other children they don't know - at play parks, theme parks, parties etc.

I was a child in the 80s/90s & my brother and I remember vividly how mean other kids used to be if you didn't know them or were established 'friends' at school etc. Or just plain picky and 'I'm not going to talk to you'. It was a pattern that ran across our childhoods & I can't believe it was just us. We lived in the south east.

I often see the opposite now. Only today, both my children on separate occasions were included by others when playing in the same area at a theme park by kids they'd just met.

I'm wondering why? Are we parenting differently & supervising our children more? Putting more emphasis on being kind? Are kids TV and films kinder & more good natured now & having an influence? (when I show my kids some of our old shows I think they are questionable by today's standards).

It was but at least we were safe at home the walk home was a minefield but nobody got you at 1am.

I think it was commonplace for parents and other adults to be more judgmental/racist/prejudice towards other people (privately but in front of their kids) in the 80s/90s and the kids picked up on that and copied the behaviour. Now it’s much less common to comment on other people’s appearance/lifestyle etc and I think that filters down to the kids

No, there’s an agreement between the families not to. From the way the children talk I would be surprised if they had much access beyond educational use. Most of the families restrict TV too.

Yanbu. The children are kinder and more understanding and excepting of others.

Yes I agree. I remember a lot of sneering and class snobbery as a child in the 90s. My kids went to a secondary with a diverse mix of poor and affluent families. They all mixed in nicely and I don't recall any sneering.

I would definitely say kinder now for sure but less mental toughness and resilience

This is so true.

Its happening with adults, if you dont agree with the current group think, then you're shouted down. If you're a child and you say the wrong thing, or are socially clumsy then you're ostracised, you cant have a differing view to others.

You've only got to see the modelling that can be demonstrated by threads on here that someone with a normal human flaw is seen as 'inappropriate', they're name called and advice is given to go 'no contact'

This is being replicated in kids.

Everything is led by adults, thats without doubt

The fact is that there are rigid views about what makes a girl and what makes a boy and kids are horrible to each other if they dont fit into that

Teachers could be bullies yes but we didnt have the amount of suicides and cutting there is now most classes seem to have 3 or 4 on the watch list and is mainly due to online bullying.

It’s finally shifting again, slowly.

Guessing you’re from the affluent end of the spectrum and don’t see the fact that working class and poorer children are still bullied mercilessly by richer classmates at school and university. Just like all the white people don’t think there’s racism anymore. Some of the shit that comes out of the mouths of private school toffs would make your hair stand on end.

There were other reasons. There was a huge peak in teenage suicide in the 90’s , it started going down, then fairly stable levels and then it peaked again in 2020(not entirely surprising) and not getting better.

No idea about self harm , or how accurately it would’ve been reported and registered back then.

I don’t think I had that experience in the late 90s/00s.

Actually I remember being teased on the school bus by some of the richer kids as my family were from the poorer village.

I also have primary aged children and agree with OP. DH, who is a secondary teacher, says that he also finds the kids he teaches much more tolerant of difference than when we were young.

I was really scared for DS1 before he went to school - he's a bit socially awkward, not at all sporty, bookish, likes a lot of things traditionally considered feminine and also likes things aimed at slightly younger children. When I was a child - in a school of quite similar demographics and location - boys like that were bullied to complete misery. Teachers not only turned a blind eye, they often also made it clear they thought sad boys were pathetic. DS1 certainly isn't the social centre of his class, but he has never been picked on, and has friends. The other kids seem to just accept him and others who would have been considered 'weirdos' in the 90s.

Incidentally I find the posters on this thread who are so resistant to the idea that anything can possibly be better now than in the own youth so depressing. I really feel like our changing age demographics means that 'it was better in my day' has gone from being that thing all old people say to being the spirit of the nation, and it's dragging us all down.

There was loads of self harm in my school in the 90s/2000s - it was, horrifyingly, pretty fashionable. What there wasn't was any sort of watch list. Actual rates of teenage suicide were higher in the 90s, possibly in part because schools didn't have the focus on suicide prevention they have now.

Dp and I were just talking about this. We went to an event at ds11 school and a Dad was wearing luminous tie dye trousers and a hairy/shaggy fleece thing, if your Dad turned up wearing something like that in the 90s you'd never hear the end of it. Absolute ammunition to be teased rotten. Ds hadn't even noticed the guy, said nobody commented.

I remember someone's Dad wore sandals to school pick up and that boy was called Jesus for the rest of his school career. Brutal.

I was bullied awfully in the 90s in primary school, and into secondary as well. I don't think the way in which it is done is the same (I was either too young or repressed the memory my mum has told me of one of my bullies putting a coat over my head in primary and banging my head on the wall).
Now as others have said there is a slyness about bullying and the disguise of banter. I used to teach secondary and that was the term I hated the most amongst young people. If you pulled any of them up on their behaviour they would say it's only banter.
Working in primary now I think when they get into year 4 onwards depending on the school is when it starts, particularly if they own phones. As others have said bullying tends to be more online. I refuse to let my son have WhatsApp much to his disgust but there have been issues with his peers in group chats, singling out other class members and being rude about them. I also think those who are ND (and therefore 'different' are still targeted). In the upper primary years I have noticed that some students are quite cunning and know how to wind up usually their ND classmates. They will taunt them (perhaps with a silly comment) and when confronted over it will make out it's all innocent and that they were trying to help.

🤷‍♀️ I think that children have learned that being performatively kind will win them brownie points.

i don’t do nice or kind. I do honest and direct and genuine.

Trust me that still happens. Big time. And there are far more expensive gadgets that determine your wealth these days too.

This is so nice to hear - I'm glad my school is not necessarily representative! I teach in a comprehensive, in quite a deprived area. Misogyny, racism and homophobia seem to have really come back in fashion, with no taboo around it anymore, like there was when I was in school. A lot of antisemitism, too. And many of the kids are defintely not kind to eachother; they communicate via insults, even when they are friends! Very unpleasant.

so much kinder now

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/news/letter-to-ministers-about-sexual-violence-and-abuse-in-schools/

or not!

It’s bad now. Is it worse though? It is better? Is it the same? Do you know?

The post is about the 80s

Is this a normal school