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AIBU?

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AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

338 replies

Marooney · Today 09:15

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · Today 13:04

I would definitely speak to Bob. Just explain that it’s missing and has he seen it whilst he’s been here. I would possibly be showing him the picture as well. Even if it’s just a heads up to him to keep and eye on the assistant and maybe not work with him anymore.
I presume you don’t really think it was Bob? It’s not an accusation at him.

Zov · Today 13:05

fabstraction · Today 12:58

Obviously some workmen can and do steal, especially if it's someone hired as an assistant on a temporary basis and not someone with an established reputation in the local area. Workmen are only people, after all, and some people steal, even when there's a risk of being discovered.

I do hope your ring turns out just to have been put 'somewhere safe' and forgotten, but I wouldn't be shocked if it has been stolen. I hope you don't discover more things missing!

Of course you may get the odd workman stealing, but it's just that 'one of the workmen must have stolen it' is straight where the OP's mind has gone. Not a chance her partner could have mislaid it! 🙄

AMurderofMurderingCrows · Today 13:06

MeetMeOnTheCorner · Today 12:56

Claim on insurance. Who leaves a ring box lying around?

Who leaves a ring box lying around?

It's not exactly lying around when it's in your own house 🙄 especially if you're taking it to be resized the next day.

Marooney · Today 13:08

Zov · Today 13:05

Of course you may get the odd workman stealing, but it's just that 'one of the workmen must have stolen it' is straight where the OP's mind has gone. Not a chance her partner could have mislaid it! 🙄

This is a bit silly. If you read my updates you’ll see I clarified the timeline with him- there wasn’t any time for him to mislay it between realising he hadn’t taken it with him in his van and arriving home to find it gone. I only heard about it the following day but it was all in the space of one day while he was at work (without the ring). I would love there to be another explanation but there hasn’t been the opportunity for it to have been mislaid

OP posts:
Zov · Today 13:09

Sigh....

You seem to be sooooo convinced that a workman has stolen your engagement ring @Marooney - and there is no WAY that your partner has mislaid it, so why are you not phoning the police instead of going on about it on Mumsnet?

.

StudentsTwo · Today 13:10

I don’t think it hurts to ask - as you no longer trust Bob he won’t be coming back anyway

Marooney · Today 13:11

Smartiepants79 · Today 13:04

I would definitely speak to Bob. Just explain that it’s missing and has he seen it whilst he’s been here. I would possibly be showing him the picture as well. Even if it’s just a heads up to him to keep and eye on the assistant and maybe not work with him anymore.
I presume you don’t really think it was Bob? It’s not an accusation at him.

Yeah we don’t think it’s Bob really. We’ll speak to him later when he comes to do the final bits, the assistant has finished unfortunately

OP posts:
BinNightTonight · Today 13:11

Marooney · Today 13:03

How will that help though?

Because its an accusation, though it may not be a direct accusation and they know that youre aware the ring is missing/has been misplaced. I think its quite a natural thing to do when something is lost and you have workmen, asking if theyve seen the item.

Zov · Today 13:12

BinNightTonight · Today 13:11

Because its an accusation, though it may not be a direct accusation and they know that youre aware the ring is missing/has been misplaced. I think its quite a natural thing to do when something is lost and you have workmen, asking if theyve seen the item.

And what do you think will happen then........?

They will sneak it back into the place they 'stole' it from? (If indeed they did steal it.)

Marooney · Today 13:14

StudentsTwo · Today 13:10

I don’t think it hurts to ask - as you no longer trust Bob he won’t be coming back anyway

Not quite true, we strongly suspect it was the other guy. DP has known Bob in a professional capacity for years, he’s laid-back, bit of a hippy biker, doesn’t seem to care much about money. I offered for them to use the loo and he said no so not even looking for an excuse to come inside. We might want to use him in the future

OP posts:
Zov · Today 13:14

Marooney · Today 13:11

Yeah we don’t think it’s Bob really. We’ll speak to him later when he comes to do the final bits, the assistant has finished unfortunately

Why are you going to speak to 'Bob?' Someone has stolen something valuable from your house, why have you not reported it to the police? If you claim on the insurance, they will want the crime number.

BinNightTonight · Today 13:15

Zov · Today 13:12

And what do you think will happen then........?

They will sneak it back into the place they 'stole' it from? (If indeed they did steal it.)

So if you have someone in your house, an item is lost/misplaced, you wouldnt ask the individual who has been in your house if theyve seen said item? Who knows what will happen. They put it back, they havent seen said item, theyve stuffed it in a cupboard for safe keeping etc.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · Today 13:15

Zov · Today 13:09

Sigh....

You seem to be sooooo convinced that a workman has stolen your engagement ring @Marooney - and there is no WAY that your partner has mislaid it, so why are you not phoning the police instead of going on about it on Mumsnet?

.

Edited

OP is 'going on about it on mumsnet' to get some advice.

Maybe take a break from the internet if it's annoying you so much that you need to leave a snarky comment.

Marooney · Today 13:16

Zov · Today 13:14

Why are you going to speak to 'Bob?' Someone has stolen something valuable from your house, why have you not reported it to the police? If you claim on the insurance, they will want the crime number.

There’s no evidence of theft, no forced entry. What could we report?

OP posts:
Zov · Today 13:16

BinNightTonight · Today 13:15

So if you have someone in your house, an item is lost/misplaced, you wouldnt ask the individual who has been in your house if theyve seen said item? Who knows what will happen. They put it back, they havent seen said item, theyve stuffed it in a cupboard for safe keeping etc.

That's not going to happen. If they HAVE stolen the item, they are hardly going to admit it!

MeltyMomenrs · Today 13:16

Looking4Summer · Today 10:12

"Bob, could you and Andy keep an eye out for a small box with an engagement ring in it? DP was supposed to take it to the shop but he looks to have lost it! Bloody expensive mistake that was. I might have to trawl back through the CCTV to see if he's dropped it in the house or garden. Thanks so much for your help."

However, it is much more likely your DP has accidentally misplaced it than the workman have taken it.

If it did happen to be one of them, it might give them the chance to 'find' it for you.

That would be my approach too!

Zov · Today 13:18

Marooney · Today 13:16

There’s no evidence of theft, no forced entry. What could we report?

Errrrrrrrrrr. The. Theft. Of. Your. Engagement. Ring. Confused

You seem to be 100% convinced one of the workman has stolen it, so why are you not reporting it to the police?

.

Marooney · Today 13:18

Zov · Today 13:09

Sigh....

You seem to be sooooo convinced that a workman has stolen your engagement ring @Marooney - and there is no WAY that your partner has mislaid it, so why are you not phoning the police instead of going on about it on Mumsnet?

.

Edited

Even dafter than your last post. There’s no evidence of a crime to report as I’ve made clear from the start. My partner has not misplaced it as he was not in the house when it disappeared, it’s quite easy to follow!

OP posts:
frumpydump · Today 13:19

Marooney · Today 13:16

There’s no evidence of theft, no forced entry. What could we report?

The theft you’re convinced has happened?

BinNightTonight · Today 13:19

Zov · Today 13:16

That's not going to happen. If they HAVE stolen the item, they are hardly going to admit it!

I didnt say theyd admit it. They may "find" it, they may sneakily put it back somewhere now theyre aware OP has noticed and theyre the only probable culprits. They may have not taken it, but theyd noticed a box on the floor in the hallway while they were popping to the toilet or for some water. Who knows.

loislois · Today 13:19

PurpleThistle7 · Today 10:32

I think you've lost it yourselves between you. The workmen surely didn't push open your door and grab a box at random. They'd need to know what they were looking at and looking for. I am guessing it's somewhere super random.

A few years ago I left my new mobile phone on the coffee table in the front room of my terraced house, no hallway.
Went to get something from my car parked across the road and when I got back my phone was gone. There are opportunist thieves everywhere. The labourer was definitely hiding something.

Zov · Today 13:19

@Looking4Summer · Today 10:12

"Bob, could you and Andy keep an eye out for a small box with an engagement ring in it? DP was supposed to take it to the shop but he looks to have lost it! Bloody expensive mistake that was. I might have to trawl back through the CCTV to see if he's dropped it in the house or garden. Thanks so much for your help."

Yep, that is 100% accusing the workmen of stealing the engagement ring!

Zov · Today 13:20

Marooney · Today 13:18

Even dafter than your last post. There’s no evidence of a crime to report as I’ve made clear from the start. My partner has not misplaced it as he was not in the house when it disappeared, it’s quite easy to follow!

Nope, there is nothing 'daft' about MY posts.

YOU are accusing a workman who has been in your house of stealing your engagement ring, but are inexplicably NOT reporting the theft to the police.

Now THAT is 'daft!'

.

leccybill · Today 13:21

Have you thoroughly checked DP's van?

Mabiscuit · Today 13:21

I've been accused of stealing on a couple of occasions and it is awful. You need to have some proof.