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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

1000 replies

Marooney · 28/05/2026 09:15

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
NoCommentingFromNowOn · 09/06/2026 00:08

Your cleaner let herself into your home and took your rug cleaner?

Is that…..normal?

MeltyMomenrs · 09/06/2026 00:19

I'm very pleased for you!💕

I do think it's a little odd she just took your rug cleaner without asking if it was still
ok to borrow it & if that day was convenient & if you'd be home at x tine so she could get it, but as she openly brought it back today, (nit trying to sneak it back in next time she was due to clean) I guess she thinks differently to you & I. Who let her in to get it (or was the door unlocked??). 'Sweeping' stuff into a box seems really odd too, I might have done that in my own house, but at someone else's house I'd have carefully removed everything, then put it all back.as I'd found it. ESPECIALLY a Ring Box. So that's quite odd.

bellsofnorwich · 09/06/2026 00:20

Cleaner: White ring box. Oh, I'll just chuck that in a box with some other random stuff I've moved out of the way to help myself to the rug cleaner, and then I'll put that box in a different cupboard...

OP: The ring box is gone! It can only be the workman! My DH has an excellent memory (but neither of us noticed the entire ledge has been cleared of random stuff along with the ring box)! We have searched the entire house! (But neither of us came across the box of stuff from the ledge that we never noticed was missing).

RedTagAlan · 09/06/2026 00:33

LasersInTheJungle · 08/06/2026 23:20

To whom does he look like a thief?

It's in the thread title.

AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

But it was the Butler Cleaner who moved it.

CombatBarbie · 09/06/2026 00:40

LasersInTheJungle · 08/06/2026 23:20

To whom does he look like a thief?

Erm to the workman himself when Bob asked him...... I would be absolutely raging if I were him.

bellsofnorwich · 09/06/2026 00:46

Marooney · 28/05/2026 12:34

Something strange- this is from the day in question, the assistant walking out with something under his t-shirt! Obviously too big to be the ring but makes me wonder if he’s stolen other things

Edited

To whom does he look like a thief?

See above.

Homeeddy · 09/06/2026 00:49

So glad for you OP. And for Bob and his mate!

pusspuss9 · 09/06/2026 01:20

so glad you were able to come back and update.
says a lot for your character! warmed my heart , There are still good people around.

TiredSENMummy · 09/06/2026 02:35

Did you have any post/Amazon/Deliveries (due) that day?

As you said its a rural cul-de-sac, so not necessarily likely an opportunist thief.
If your ring cam missed a chunk of the day and the door was unlocked, could it possibly be a delivery person?

Yoyokitten · 09/06/2026 03:14

What a weird ending to the story.

CypressGrove · 09/06/2026 03:44

bellsofnorwich · 09/06/2026 00:20

Cleaner: White ring box. Oh, I'll just chuck that in a box with some other random stuff I've moved out of the way to help myself to the rug cleaner, and then I'll put that box in a different cupboard...

OP: The ring box is gone! It can only be the workman! My DH has an excellent memory (but neither of us noticed the entire ledge has been cleared of random stuff along with the ring box)! We have searched the entire house! (But neither of us came across the box of stuff from the ledge that we never noticed was missing).

Edited

Exactly, none of this makes sense.

FeralWoman · 09/06/2026 05:14

Your cleaner isn’t trustworthy. Are you going to sack her? Did she mess with the camera footage? Does Bob remember her coming to the house and leaving with the carpet cleaner? Are you sure she doesn’t have a key?

Marooney · 09/06/2026 05:48

Ah I see people are still angry 😆 I’m up with the baby so may as well answer some of the questions. Thank you to everyone who commented something nice!

OP posts:
Marooney · 09/06/2026 05:50

Zov · 08/06/2026 23:41

HOOORRAAAYYYY! Grin

You have had a bit of a rough ride on this thread@Marooney but I am so genuinely pleased your ring has turned up.

AND IT WASN'T THE WORKMEN! Shock

Pretty brave - and decent - of you to come on here and admit it wasn't any of the workmen. Took some courage that did. (To admit it's been found, and it wasn't them like you suspected.)

Nice one. Smile Thank you for letting us know.

I wish all the happiness in the world to you and your fiance (soon to be husband!) 😘

Thank you! ❤️ I did actually move away from thinking it was the workmen halfway through the thread but no one remembers that

OP posts:
FannyNesbet · 09/06/2026 05:53

Glad you found your ring. If you have people going in and out of your home, and something goes missing, I don't see it as unreasonable to question everyone to see what happened. Not sure what the outrage is about that or if I've missed something.

Marooney · 09/06/2026 06:02

BettyBoh · 08/06/2026 23:57

Why did the ring doorbell not pick up your cleaner? Why did Bob not remember your cleaner coming? She has no key! Who let her in? Why did you fail to notice the rug cleaner was gone? Why didn’t you notice other stuff had been cleared from the cabinet area? Why didn’t you notice the sudden box of stuff in a cupboard when you searched your entire house for the ring?

Why did the ring doorbell not pick up your cleaner? It missed a chunk of the afternoon (helpfully just when I popped out on an errand) as mentioned a few times, the camera turned out to be useless.

Why did Bob not remember your cleaner coming? He didn’t see her I imagine. They were working outside the back of the house, she went in the front.

She has no key! Who let her in? As I said previously the door was unlocked at times - we live in a rural cul-de-sac where no one passes by at all so I’m not super vigilant about the door during the day.

Why did you fail to notice the rug cleaner was gone? How often do you think I use it? It’s like asking me why I didn’t notice a bag of Christmas decorations was gone.

Why didn’t you notice other stuff had been cleared from the cabinet area? Because the other stuff was a couple of receipts, a child’s spoon and a mini screwdriver. Not anything important. The area is sometimes clear and sometimes has some random items on it, nothing you’d take notice of either way- until it’s a ring!

Why didn’t you notice the sudden box of stuff in a cupboard when you searched your entire house for the ring? We searched places we pass through or use on a daily or weekly basis. Kitchen, bathrooms etc. We didn’t empty out whole cupboards that we don’t open from one month to the next.

OP posts:
Marooney · 09/06/2026 06:05

FeralWoman · 09/06/2026 05:14

Your cleaner isn’t trustworthy. Are you going to sack her? Did she mess with the camera footage? Does Bob remember her coming to the house and leaving with the carpet cleaner? Are you sure she doesn’t have a key?

Haha! She is very trustworthy. Why would I sack her? She doesn’t have a key but I wouldn’t mind if she did. Of course she didn’t mess with the footage - as I’ve said, the camera missed part of the day, must be due to being far from the wifi.

OP posts:
Marooney · 09/06/2026 06:07

FannyNesbet · 09/06/2026 05:53

Glad you found your ring. If you have people going in and out of your home, and something goes missing, I don't see it as unreasonable to question everyone to see what happened. Not sure what the outrage is about that or if I've missed something.

You and me both!

OP posts:
Marooney · 09/06/2026 06:09

CombatBarbie · 09/06/2026 00:40

Erm to the workman himself when Bob asked him...... I would be absolutely raging if I were him.

What are you on about? Bob didn’t say anything to him

OP posts:
SuziQuinto · 09/06/2026 06:09

FannyNesbet · 09/06/2026 05:53

Glad you found your ring. If you have people going in and out of your home, and something goes missing, I don't see it as unreasonable to question everyone to see what happened. Not sure what the outrage is about that or if I've missed something.

Maybe because she questioned the tradesmen and not her cleaner? Who knows.

Hundslappadrifa · 09/06/2026 06:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Soonbbbqweather · 09/06/2026 06:14

@Marooney very pleased to hear you found your ring but I would personally be speaking to the cleaner to ensure that she asks before taking something or coming into your house unscheduled. We had a cleaner working for us for many years. DH’s wedding ring went missing so after hunting high and low, we asked her if she’d seen it. Definitely not. The following week it was on the kitchen worktop with a note stating she had found it under the sofa. That was definitely not true as we had moved the said sofa from one side of the room to the other during our search. Did her small child whom she started bringing with her pick it up? Maybe or maybe she took it from the drawer in the bedroom thinking we wouldn’t notice, but the trust was gone after that. We also discovered another trusted cleaner was taking items from the back of our food cupboard and rearranging items to hide the theft. We knew it was her so took photos of the cupboard contents before and after her visits. When questioned by the agency that employed her, the response was “so what they can afford it”!

Marooney · 09/06/2026 06:23

MeltyMomenrs · 09/06/2026 00:19

I'm very pleased for you!💕

I do think it's a little odd she just took your rug cleaner without asking if it was still
ok to borrow it & if that day was convenient & if you'd be home at x tine so she could get it, but as she openly brought it back today, (nit trying to sneak it back in next time she was due to clean) I guess she thinks differently to you & I. Who let her in to get it (or was the door unlocked??). 'Sweeping' stuff into a box seems really odd too, I might have done that in my own house, but at someone else's house I'd have carefully removed everything, then put it all back.as I'd found it. ESPECIALLY a Ring Box. So that's quite odd.

Thank you! Couldn’t agree more, it’s odd but I think she came by on the off-chance I was in and then checked the door. The mornings she comes I sometimes leave the door open for her if I have to pop out. I would just never think she’d do that on a day she’s not cleaning! She does have form for putting things in odd places just to have a surface clear, I once couldn’t find a nice bottle of wine I’d been looking forward to because she’d shoved it in a cupboard with all the oil and vinegar. And she does make little collections of things but I don’t mind as it means I don’t have to tidy before she comes. She says she didn’t notice it was a ring box! If I’d had any idea she’d been in the house she would have been number one suspect! (Not in a criminal way)

OP posts:
SuziQuinto · 09/06/2026 06:25

Marooney · 09/06/2026 06:23

Thank you! Couldn’t agree more, it’s odd but I think she came by on the off-chance I was in and then checked the door. The mornings she comes I sometimes leave the door open for her if I have to pop out. I would just never think she’d do that on a day she’s not cleaning! She does have form for putting things in odd places just to have a surface clear, I once couldn’t find a nice bottle of wine I’d been looking forward to because she’d shoved it in a cupboard with all the oil and vinegar. And she does make little collections of things but I don’t mind as it means I don’t have to tidy before she comes. She says she didn’t notice it was a ring box! If I’d had any idea she’d been in the house she would have been number one suspect! (Not in a criminal way)

Reading this update, and her general habits, I'm surprised she wasn't the first person you asked!

LasersInTheJungle · 09/06/2026 06:25

RedTagAlan · 09/06/2026 00:33

It's in the thread title.

AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

But it was the Butler Cleaner who moved it.

Eh? So after everything op has said, you think that the workman "looks like a thief" to himself and his colleague that maintained it wouldn't be him?

That makes no sense. Neither of them has ever entertained the idea that one of them is a thief!

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