AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

I had no way of knowing or guessing that the cleaner had been in the house! Whereas the tradesmen were working there for several days. Occam’s razor and all that..

No. Occam's Razor was that it was lost, and if neither you nor your husband are absent minded or moved things around, perhaps another person did. Perhaps a person who has been in your house and has previously moved items around and put things in unusual places.

I’d say not! I had offered it and then she suddenly needed it for another job, she has limited time and didn’t want to be a nuisance arranging for me to be in at a certain time. She’s probably got more of the country living/open door mindset than me as has lived here for years. So maybe normal for her

Right, but there was no reason to think she could or would come outside her work hours, it’s extremely unusual what happened. We’ve had her for 5 years and I’ve lent her things before and she’s never just let herself in.

If anything, this thread shows how difficult a job the police can have. And dare I say it, how bias might affect people. No OP, I am not accusing, just noting.

We start with a missing ring, and the suspicion is on a workman, unknown to OP, who some posters describe a "filthy".

We go through house routine, photo forensics, DH habits, work arrangements, transport, secretaries love live, camera reliability, local and regional crime rate, and we even discuss dispatching a crack team of MH detectives over to be on site, sipping long drinks on the new paving, before we whip our fingerprint kits out.

And then suddenly a cleaner appears. A cleaner that the OP has never mentioned. And the OP remembers too that "the door is not always locked".

Tough case to crack when info is held back.

Bias ? Possibly "scruffy workman" v "cleaner" who is considered so trustworthy and reliable that the OP never considered even mentioning them. A "she" cleaner by the way. Again, not accusing, just noting.

Yup, it goes to show how the police can have such a tough job.

Yes he looked rather like a thief to me in the video (though I always maintained it could be a drink). How is that the same as “making him look like a thief”?

Right. So the door is unlocked, the camera doesn't work, and you have someone regularly coming into your home who creates piles of things, moves things and puts items in odd and illogical places.
That person would have been my first guess.

I have been following with interest and I am delighted for you!

I admire your perseverance OP. I'd have given up on this thread long ago.

I appreciate your points and agree in general about bias, though gender wouldn’t play a part in it for me. As we’ve seen on the thread there are clearly quite a lot of female cleaners who steal! I didn’t mention the cleaner as she had already been before the ring was put out and in 5 years has never popped round between visits, doesn’t have a key, didn’t mention anything to me before and didn’t mention anything after. The builders on the other hand were in the house…

I still consider the cleaner trustworthy.
And I never mentioned anything about the guy’s appearance, though Bob did!

Glad ring was found. I do find it very weird that the cleaner didn’t text to say

im going to pop round to get rug cleaner

can I borrow rug cleaner

I’ve popped in and grabbed the rug cleaner

to say to workman I’m just grabbing rug cleaner

etc. to come and just take is very strange and tbh a bit sneaky

She comes into my home as a paid employee yes, not when she feels like it and without my knowledge - until now.
I was probably only out for 20 minutes so the timing was just right. There are several factors which make what happened a very unlikely scenario to have guessed.
It’s an extremely odd situation, I’m not sure she would have been your first guess but it’s easy to judge after the fact..

It is strange, but she isn’t sneaky.
This is exactly why I wouldn’t have thought of asking her about the ring - why would I think she had been in my house?

So would I if I didn’t have long stretches with small baby! 💕

It is indeed.
All round.

Also I mentioned quite early on about the door and how it could just possibly have been someone from the street, but very unlikely

I admit a bit of bias on my part. I never thought to ask if there was a cleaner, because your DH is a tradesman himself.

I don't mean that in a "he can't afford it or you can't afford it", but from the point of view that in my experience people who are good with their hands are more likely to do stuff themselves.

That's why assumed bob and pal were doing the paving as a mates rates thing. Because a tradesperson, a joiner for example, can turn their hand to most things practical. So for DH not to be doing the paving himself, it must have been a mates rate.

Oh, come on, the OP’s had pages and pages of people going on that it’s probably in her house somewhere. And now she’s been brave enough to come back and say it is in her house, she’s getting the opposite hassle.

Please 🙄

“Workmen are the only people who could have taken my engagement ring”

Right. So she’s come back and been brave enough to say that it is in her house. So you… decide to point it out again?

Just think what a waste of time it was (yours and everyone else's) telling everyone on this thread over and over again that you had searched 'everywhere'.

I think you have the wrong poster.
I'm giving no-one "hassle" (sic).
Just trying to unpick a strange situation. Logic would have indicated the cleaner, however, she has explained why not.
It's a strange one.

That’s great news! So glad you found it! Shame the cleaner didn’t message you to explain what she’d done! Never mind.

She needed it for another job? So she didnt borrow it for herself, she borrowed it to take to a strangers home? Thats even worse.

And I think you are wrong and pp is right. She is sneaky. Very sneaky. I wouldn’t have her back after that.

I’m so pleased you found it!! 🙌🙌

I said since you started the thread that I didn’t believe it was the workmen and thought it was someone else using the front door eg postman or neighbour.

You sound very nice but I don’t know if you’re a bit too nice or actually where you live is just a nicer place in general.

I used to be a cleaner and can’t imagine letting myself in to my clients home, borrowing something of theirs, moving their stuff and just not mentioning it.

I’m assuming culturally this must be quite normal considering you don’t seem that shocked by it.

I’m just so pleased you got to the bottom of it as you’d have been forever wondering.