AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

So the workman in the photo is not at the door. He is just looking out over the fence. And it seems taking a break as he maybe holds a cold drink against his skin to cool down.

So he is on a break, on a hot day. Not being suspicious ?

Looks like a hard grafter too. Someone who does this for a living, not a casual labourer.

Yes we’ve already established it was a drink! And yes Bob has known and worked with him for years

But you still think he stole your ring?

As a matter of interest, has DH searched his other van ?

I’d covered both those topics in other updates, yes when I mentioned the other van I also mentioned that it had been searched..

We've probably all at some time been sure we've done one thing - but actually done another. Maybe DP's unfailing visual memory has let him down for the first time. When I read about another van and more workers I thought uh oh. OP never saw the ring on the ledge at all. Hopefully it'll still turn up on the property, in some weird place - inside a hat or something.

Probably too late now but I would hot foot it to the local pawn shops personally!

😄👏 Love the Borrowers.

Where are you that vaping isn't a thing?! It's a thing everywhere!

Yup. Been following your thread. When you posted the photo, I did comment at the time like vid artefacts.

Is this the same camera you used to verify that DH had empty hands at 5 am ?

She's not in the UK.

I can see that, but from my experience vaping exists everywhere! I'm intrigued to know where OP is that doesn't have it...

It's because things are lost more often than they are stolen. And because the OP isn't entertaining there being any other possibility. Sure, it might have been one of the workmen, but it might not have been either. Looking at the problem with only one unverified cause isn't going to help solve the issue.

Her DP is human, there is no way to be 100% certain he didn't mislay it. Even if his visual memory is superhuman he could have knocked it without seeing.
Or she could have knocked it either. She didn't even know it was there and went in and out of the door.

I don’t know how many more times I can say this- we have searched everywhere! Obviously first idea was the floor and furniture surrounding where he put it. It’s not there, and the space is small and sparse so once you’ve looked you’ve looked.

Especially given that DH does not use a bag it seems. He has 2 vans. And I would assume a desk area at his yard where he does the quotes etc.

All we have to go on. as amateur sleuths, is one grainy photo that does not apparently show what the OP first suggested.

OP, can we get a zoomed in clip of your cam footage that you used to establish DH did not have a small ring box as he left at 5 am ?

So neither Bob nor his friend went near that part of the house, plus you trust Bob and he’s vouched for his friend.

No one else caught entering by your Ring camera.

DH is certain he didn’t pick it up and has an excellent visual memory so no mistake over where it was left.

What are you thinking OP? What do you think has happened?

I have AuDHD so I simultaneously have an excellent memory and can be very certain of where I placed something. But the gremlin ADHD part sometimes takes over and I forget that I’ve moved it afterwards….I’ve made myself look a giant dick at times when I’ve been utterly convinced I left it somewhere, only to be proven wrong on investigation 😂🫣

I’m not saying that is what happened here but if you’ve effectively ruled out theft - which you seem to have done - either absent-mindedness or accidental movement seems to be what’s left?

You said it was on a window ledge - no chance that you picked it up and chucked it into a bag thinking it was rubbish left there? Or any chance that it was knocked into a bag/bin etc if you knocked it off the window sill? Have there been any big cloths in that room that you might have flapped out and folded up? I’m thinking maybe dust sheets or something that could have knocked it off the sill and then got caught up as you bundled them back up?

I think given everything, if Bob’s mate isn’t the culprit, some kind of accidental movement seems like the most likely outcome?? Perhaps??

Being someone who perennially loses things because of the aforementioned personal issues, honestly I’m invested in this for you OP 😂💐

If all else fails, a little plea to St Anthony might help 😂

If it got knocked it could really be anywhere. Fallen into a bag that got moved somewhere else, or you brought out on your errands? Fallen into the baby's pram and lost on your errands? Fallen out the door and a bird picked it up/got blown in the wind.

Anything could have happened to it but you made a post saying the only possibility is that one of the workmen stole it. Even though it was not in a part of the house they go to or would have seen/know it was there. You also then pondered if they'd stolen even more.

It's good you've started searching for it, but you are still saying your partner couldn't possibly not remember 100%, or even knock it accidentally. And that you couldn't have moved it accidentally or absentmindedly either.

If you've had a theft why aren't you reporting it to the police?

You can't just accuse people with no evidence

We haven’t “started searching for it”, bloody hell! Obviously I searched for hours before even thinking of the builders, but DP was so unsettled and adamant he saw it there just before leaving that in the end what conclusion can we draw? In the room itself there isn’t really much stuff, it’s not a typical hallway, it’s not actually the official entrance but we use it as it’s closest to the street. No buggy or bags or anything like that. Also if it was the ring on its own without the box I’d be much more inclined to search every cranny of skirting etc but a chunky white box has limited possibilities to disappear in this particular area.

Both points have been covered multiple times throughout my replies!

What I’m beginning to think is someone must have come in off the street. As someone pointed out, Ring cameras can miss whole chunks of time and there is a gap in the afternoon- it didn’t record me leaving or returning from an errand, so that’s the strongest possibility currently. It’s odd given where we live (a remote cul-de-sac) and the fact that people were clearly around (the builders), and the fact nothing else appears to have gone.. but that is currently the least unlikely theory.

Forget the grainy photo of the workman, I wasn’t trying to pin the theft on him based on that but it did seem odd that he was carrying something (clearly not the ring) under his top, but we’ve got to the bottom of that. The video is less grainy when seen as a video rather than screenshot, but here you go, here’s DP brushing an insect away just before getting in the van. Nothing in his hands.

Oh I see

OK I have read all your posts OP and believe it wasn't Bob or Jim. I also believe it wasn't your DH as you have footage of him leaving empty handed and it's not in the van. So that leaves... you.

Do you put post on that ledge/table thing? Could you have scooped it up and dumped it with some post? Binned it? Gathered it up with some laundry? Put it in a dressing gown pocket? Anything else?

Where's his tool belt?

So he says, or so he remembers. It doesn’t make it a certainty.