AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

Another thing I find odd is that DH is a tradesman himself, but from what I gather he was going to take the ring with his tool belt. Odd, because I would have thought the tool belt would have been left in his van, and he would use a small rucksack to carry other things in. Flask, lunch etc.

I would have thought a 5am departure, piling things into a works van while half asleep, would have put the van at the top of the list for a search. I have never seen a tidy works van by the way.

He was going to take the ring in his hand straight to the van’s glovebox! That’s how he carries any item that’s not his tools or his phone (which is hooked to his belt). We’ve checked the doorbell footage and he wasn’t carrying it. Obviously we have searched the van thoroughly twice anyway. It’s actually not messy as his main one (messy-ish) is kept at his premises in the city and this one is mainly for getting to and from home or do quotes. No, the ring is not in the other van as it was out with his workmen all day starting from before he arrived. Yes, they have looked in it anyway despite it being logically and physically impossible for it to be there.
It’s not as though we haven’t searched. But he knows he saw it at home in the morning and by evening it was gone.

We have obviously searched everywhere just in case, including places it couldn’t be, but in the end he saw it just before leaving and saw it wasn’t there on arriving, so it’s all a bit pointless

Yes Bob immediately laughed and said it was a drink (I hadn’t mentioned drink but thought it did look like that), so on that front I’m satisfied that the photo is ok

Ha! He was smoking cigarettes which is fine by me outside, vaping isn’t a thing where we are, and it’s been confirmed it was a drink :)

We have seen a low res image from your camera, and you are saying you could not see a ring box in DH hand, as he walked away from your house at 5am. Is it daylight there at 5am.

Then lets say it went into the glove box. I assume your DH then went onto site in his van, or on quotes. Or if he changed vans, then the van that might have had the ring in the glove box was parked up unattended all day in town.

Does your DH pick up other folk in his van on the way.

I am seeing a lot of possibilities here for a small ring box to be unattended.

And he apparently leaves the house, and then drives, wearing his tool belt ?

I'd ring the jewellers. The DP is so scatty that I'd say he already left it in for adjustment and has forgotten this fact. He doesn't sound very organised to me anyway. He had a brain fart in the heat and doesn't remember. Worth a try anyway despite my cynicism.

@Marooney oh OP you’re sounding more daft the more you post .. vaping isn’t a thing where you are 😆😆 are you seriously saying your town/village is exempt from vaping .. that’s right up there along with your dh is like no other human being on this earth. Sorry but this made me laugh.

It’s not that he never forgets anything, he forgets things he has to do and forgets names for example. But he has a truly brilliant visual memory and always knows where things are, what they are next to, where they were before that etc. and he never puts something somewhere and forgets where, never! Truly it’s an impressive skill. So while he did leave in a rush and forget to take it, I absolutely trust his visual memory of the last place he put it. I appreciate that posters on here don’t know him but I do, so my search for the ring is based on the belief that the ring was where he says. Despite that, we have both looked thoroughly in many other places.

I’m not in the UK and vaping hasn’t really taken off here. They are available to buy I guess but I never see anyone vaping. If it wasn’t for the internet I wouldn’t know they existed!

p.s. think people are misunderstanding about my DP- see previous reply about his memory

If you had read the thread properly you would see that the OP isn't in the UK.

Do the police in your country follow up this sort of thing, or would they treat it as a lost item?

One of the keys to our garden shed and a pair of secateurs went missing. Hunted high and low for them. Husband swore blind that he had not been the last person to use them. They were both found some months later in the pockets of a little used jacket.

I assume he has checked the pockets of the clothing he was wearing that day and that you have emptied the washing basket and checked inside the washing machine? I mislaid a purse and a small phone on separate occasions. The purse was hidden right under the passenger seat of our car and the phone had fallen down the side of the car seat. Both had been overlooked during our initial search. I found the phone by calling its number.

If ok, I screenshotted the photo you posted earlier. Because that is odd too.

If it is a doorbell cam, it is installed to be straddling a fence. And on the other side is a public road with a footpath. That would indicate the door is right beside a public path. But, on the right hand side of the photo there is a bush. So there can't be a door there ? So is the paved area for parking, and the cam is for car/van security?

If so, does that because you are in a crime area? That you have security cameras where you park ?

Photo att.

To be honest either way the mistake lies with the DH

Either he has lost it or misplaced it. Or he's left a valuable item on display with workmen around and not followed up when he forgot it and it went missing for 2 days. Either way I'd be pretty pissed and be expecting him to be sorting it out, reporting to the police if he's so confident or claiming on insurance if he's lost it outside the house

I don't understand all the people having a go at O.P! In this case the husband IS certain as to where he left the ring. I can understand why from logic O.P is wondering if the builder or assistant took it. Yes it's not nice to think of that happening and to think of those people possibly having done that but as a process of logic I would wonder the same. Have you asked Bob? Apologies if I have missed an update.

Sorry partner, not husband (yet!)

Vaping isn't as popular in other countries as it is in the UK.

Is that really so hard to imagine? Loads of UK things aren't common in other countries!

You can click 'see all' on OP's posts and see the many updates where she has explained what she's said to Bob.

The door in question is to the right of the large wooden doors (which lead to the garden) - the plant obscures it unfortunately, I’ll prune it today. We live on a quiet cul-de-sac and park in the street. The camera is part of the Ring doorbell so we can see who’s at the door and talk to delivery drivers if we’re out. Not a high crime area at all no.

Yes we have searched everywhere. I know that everyday items turn up in very unexpected places, even places where you’re sure you haven’t been since it went missing. Keys, phones and purses are susceptible to this because they’re constantly being moved from one place to another. In the case of my ring though it was put in one place and not moved further, people find it hard to believe but that is what happened 🫠

Borrowers. I expect Arietty is having great fun with it and Homily is berating Pod for taking something so valuable.

I don’t know but I doubt they’d do anything at all. Once I was mugged in the street by a couple of teenagers in a very touristy area, they were only young and I scared them off but I called the police anyway and they didn’t bother coming, so the muggers stayed there on the corner waiting for their next victim.

Well obviously none of this happened.
Because if something as personal and valuable as a ring goes missing then a major part of your reaction is to complain about what the loss of it means to you and how irreplaceable it is, rather than fishing about for the best intricate plot line to slot into a cod story.

That's horrible, what a nasty experience.
It sounds as if they won't investigate this, then.