AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

Good summary, @ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey

My engagement ring was stolen by workmen.It’s not beyond the realms of possibility. Mine was fake though, a hideous joke ring my husband bought from a cheap jewellers with a note in saying I could choose my own. It was sentimental to me though. I do get satisfaction on thinking of their disappointment when they tried to sell it and found out its real value.

Looking at the photo, the ring box could actually be under his palm, under the shirt, and the 'object' (kind of the shape of a kid's toy rifle from yesteryear) might just be the way the shirt drapes, and associated shadows 🤔
Did you ask Bob? Any resolution?

(Sorry OP, just seen the updates about speaking to Bob. Hope it turns up, one way or another 💍)

If you have a table in the hall you should never leave valuable items on it anyway. Especially not car keys. I’ve seen videos of burglars reaching through the letterbox to retrieve car keys. I’m sure they could easily grab a ring box.

@Marooney you have to admit that your DP leaving it in the hallway and not letting you know to put it away as soon as he realised (10 mins later according to him) was sooo careless considering that you had people working on the house. And if it seems irrelevant to you as the workmen never got in the house then how would they know it was there. Honestly, the simplest explanation is that he accidentally misplaced it. It happens all the time to all kinds of people. By completely dismissing this possibility you make yourself look naive and arrogant. The truth is that IT ABSOLUTELY IS A POSSIBILITY. Not for sure but not impossible.

DH is confusing me too. Because he is also a Tradesman, so he will be very familiar with this sort of scenario. So I would have thought he would know the best action, and of course, the best way to bring it up with Bob.

Also, as he is a tradesman, and given that tradesmen do tend to be handy at many tasks, I would assume that Bob doing paving work or whatever would be a sort of "mates rates" thing. That they know each other from being on jobs together.

My experience of the builders etc that I know, is that they do know each other across trades. The plasterers know the tilers, and they know the joiners and the brickies. Because there is a fair amount of cross function and teamwork.

So really DH should be in the best position to investigate.

I would feel the need to at least go and look at it on a regular basis. But you didn’t.

Yes OP, why aren't you dropping what you're doing every hour and going to gaze in admiration at your ring? Clearly you are to blame. maybe home insurance providers should make that a clear condition of insurance cover. Have a rota up like on toilets where you sign to say you've checked it that morning.

You won’t want to hear this, but sorry your DH was very naive to have left it there the night before, knowing he was leaving, probably half asleep at 5;30am the next morning.

He was also naive not to have contacted you immediately when he realised he had left it, KNOWING that you had builders at your property.

i think the assistant builder did take it. Why would anyone conceal something under their t-shirt like that. I saw a thief do exactly the same thing a long time ago because of security cameras.

Did you show the main builder the footage? If you didn’t, you should have, because he needs to know.

It’s absolutely heartbreaking for you 💔

The photo of the alleged miscreant is not conclusive.

A valuable item goes missing from the house and he doesn't mention it for 24 hours? Surely his first instinct would have been to call you and ask if you had moved it.
It was your dh.
I think the workman is concealing a vape under his t shirt because he doesn't want you to know he was vaping on your property.

I understand your mum is upset but surely you can understand her friend’s thought process if your mum was the only other person with access. I’m sure if the tables were turned, your mum would’ve wondered if it was her friend, even if she didn’t outright accuse her.

Indeed, it’s actually not a hallway table though, our entrance is basically an old garage/mudroom type thing with no letterbox.

I don't think I'm going to get an answer to this but I'll complete the thought.

Most people have no idea how little engagement rings fetch on the second-hand market. Unless the ring has a very large or good-quality mined stone (and anyone willing to pay a premium for mined will want certification) the chances are that a pawnbroker or dealer will only offer the scrap value of the gold / platinum. A ring can cost thousands to buy at retail and only achieve a few hundred when sold on, even with gold prices so high. An opportunistic thief likely won't have realised this and the ring might be miraculously 'found' when they realise how little it is worth.

He didn’t think it was missing though, he assumed I had it. Honestly it wasn’t him but I’m tired of explaining this to strangers, my OP was about how to bring it up with Bob but we’ve done that now.

How is this a weird take? You both seem like vague ditherers. The ring was allegedly placed on the ledge days ago.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there.

He finally notices. He finally tells you.

Honestly he realised soon after leaving that he hadn’t taken it and looked for it as soon as he got back- my OP was wrong, it was just that it took him till Wednesday to mention it to me.

But you insists: My DP is not absent-minded at all.

Then you are on here asking for "urgent advice" - which you proceed to get and then carry on interacting all day on your thread, rather than contacting Bob.

Finally, late afternoon, 8 hours after your OP, you post:

Right, Bob has come back to finish up and we’ve talked to him.

Your husband's vagueness, forgetting to tell you he's put the ring there and have you seen it, coupled with your dithering around and waiting for Bob to show up before raising it... Any chance of finding it in a pawn shop reduces massively as time goes on.

So he left the ring on a ledge in an old mud room which isn't always locked?
It's really a very strange story but we all make mistakes. I'm sure he's gone through his van and bags and every other nook and cranny.
Bob seems convincing, I don't know what else you can do. I hope it turns up.

Very strange and sorry your ring has gone

if Bob trusts his friend then it’s a real
puzzle

any chance it got put back where it was originally placed before moved to take with him the next day

the pic is also strange. If hot holding a cold drink to stomach - rather then forehead

do the cameras show any other pics of bulge or not coming into the house - was the cold can his from his packed lunch kinda thing ?

As I’ve said multiple times I made a mistake with the timing, he realised after leaving the house he didn’t have it and noticed as soon as he got in that it wasn’t there, the same day, but thought I had it. He didn’t forget to tell me he’d put it there, it was unnecessary as I knew he’d be taking it at some point and wasn’t wearing it so there was no need for further info. Nobody dithered, we were waiting to see Bob in person to see his reaction, texting him in advance wouldn’t have been a good idea for several reasons, I imagine you can understand that?

And unfortunately there’s no chance we can trawl pawn shops to find it, we live miles away from the city, wouldn’t know which area to start, he works full time and I’m with our baby. It just isn’t realistic at all. I’ll let the police know as apparently pawn shops send them lists of their items regularly.

What country are you in?

This. Been in a similar situation before and could have sworn the only person who could have taken it was x, only to find it somewhere.

Thank you, yes it is strange although according to half the people on here it’s a no-brainer that DP has either lost it or has got cold feet and returned it 😂 That did give him a good laugh last night. I also just laughed at “pic of bulge” as my mind went somewhere else, but Bob did confirm it was a drink as I thought. I think it’s reasonable to hold a cold drink to any part of your body when it’s 30° plus! 😅

@Marooney I don’t find it strange that half the posters here (myself included) think your dp has probably moved it and forgotten. I find it strange that you’re categorically unwilling to even ponder this thought. You insist over and over that your dh is not absent minded etc .. yet he forgot to pick it up in the first place - therefore absent minded before it even went missing 🤔
It must be great living with a person who never ever forgets anything at all, ever 🤨 I don’t know, or have heard of, any such human being on the planet 🤷‍♀️

Well, it is a bit of a whodunit.

Sherlock Holmes and the adventure of the blue carbuncle. That is the one about the tradesman being in jail for theft of a jewel, and it was really the night porter who stole it.

That involved it being hidden in a goose.

He forgot to pick it up. He forgot to tell her it was missing. But he is not absent-minded.