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AIBU?

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AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

409 replies

Marooney · Today 09:15

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

OP posts:
Marooney · Today 20:29

Deadleaves77 · Today 20:04

He wasn't out all day when it went missing though was he?

He's the one who put it on the ledge, no one else can verify it was there. He's the one who then says it's missing. It was last seen when he was in the house, it went missing at some point from when he put it on the ledge Monday night.

Realistically it sounds unlikely to be the builder. Would the builder have known it was there, as he didn't go through the front door at any point? He was sneaking through the house to the porch to look for valuables randomly left in a porch? That's pretty risky, and if Bob was surprised there's no known history of theft

Given the fact your DH forgot to take the ring, left it by an unlocked door all day and then didn't even think to ask where it had gone when he got home he doesn't sound the most organised of people. Most people would be pretty panicked to find a ring they'd left out by an open door had gone missing

Edited

The door wasn’t open all day! It may have been unlocked at times while I was in but in general it’s closed and locked.

He put it out on Monday night and saw it on Tuesday as he was packing his work bag, was going to take it and then got waylaid with something. As for anyone “verifying” this no, I just take his word for it.. bizarre to suggest I should do otherwise really. A lot of people on here are very convinced he’s lost it- he hasn’t!

OP posts:
HortiGal · Today 20:45

Saying you lock the door when he goes to work but earlier said you do forget to lock the door regularly.

Deadleaves77 · Today 20:56

Marooney · Today 20:29

The door wasn’t open all day! It may have been unlocked at times while I was in but in general it’s closed and locked.

He put it out on Monday night and saw it on Tuesday as he was packing his work bag, was going to take it and then got waylaid with something. As for anyone “verifying” this no, I just take his word for it.. bizarre to suggest I should do otherwise really. A lot of people on here are very convinced he’s lost it- he hasn’t!

I mean it was still last seen when he was in the house, so didn't go missing whilst he was out

You said in your opening post you haven't been locking it when you go out on errands?

Theonethatlurks · Today 20:57

Marooney · Today 13:08

This is a bit silly. If you read my updates you’ll see I clarified the timeline with him- there wasn’t any time for him to mislay it between realising he hadn’t taken it with him in his van and arriving home to find it gone. I only heard about it the following day but it was all in the space of one day while he was at work (without the ring). I would love there to be another explanation but there hasn’t been the opportunity for it to have been mislaid

Why didn’t he tell you straight away when he noticed? Seems a bit weird to not try and make sure it’s fine when he saw it wasn’t there.

NearlyNinety · Today 21:00

IF it's been taken, might it be worthwhile looking outside & around your house in case the box has been discarded & just the ring kept.

Theonethatlurks · Today 21:05

Marooney · Today 13:45

I had no idea it was there! DP took it from where it was hidden in our bedroom to take to the jewellers, unfortunately left without picking it up, that was a mistake yes, and then came home to find it gone. They didn’t have full access to the house

Maybe your DP misremembers where he left the box. Nobody is saying that it’s definitely your DP but equally you can’t say that it definitely isn’t. You say he is so diligent etc but 1)he forgot to take the ring (it doesn’t matter he apparently realised very soon after leaving) 2)didn’t tell you until next day 3)didn’t notice that the box was there (if it was) when he was leaving. So I think it’s not THAT impossible to believe he could have misplaced it.

Marooney · Today 21:07

HortiGal · Today 20:45

Saying you lock the door when he goes to work but earlier said you do forget to lock the door regularly.

He locks the door when he leaves in the early morning, I’m asleep

OP posts:
lessglittermoremud · Today 21:10

I had something similar happen although it was in the workplace.
I had my bag under my desk, later that day an unusual transaction appeared on our joint account in a town about 30 minutes drive away, and it was my card that was used.
That same day workmen had been in the offices completing work on the air conditioning system, they just so happened to be based at the same town that the odd transaction was done.
It was a very small company doing the work, 3 men doing the job one of which my workplace had used multiple times before.
I blocked my bank card, the next morning the card was declined in the same area about an hour before they were due to be back at my workplace, so the timings still fitted with their movements.
I reported it as a theft but because there was no cctv of them taking my card, just them entering the office to check the vents no further action was taken.
Because I was reimbursed by the bank for the original transaction they were the ones that were then the victims and they weren’t bothered about requesting the cctv from the shop to see if we could identify the person using the card was one of the people from the air conditioning company.
We didn’t directly accuse them ourselves as we had hoped the police would look at the shop cctv, but it meant that my company will not use that firm again. You can’t accuse people with no proof, but you can say that an item is missing and did they notice anyone hanging around by the front door etc

BurnoutGP · Today 21:16

All these people saying no way it was one of them and cant/don't do anything must have led very sheltered/lucky lives...many years ago my girls gold charm bracelets went missing (very sentimental very expensive). DD1 then about 8 remembered showing them to our regular babysitter (once a week) and then putting them away.
I actually called the police for advice (a few thousands pounds worth of jewellery). They took it seriously and went to speak to the family (she was almost 18). And asked to search her room. Her mum was so sure it wasn't her she agreed. And guess what they found.

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