AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

The door wasn’t open all day! It may have been unlocked at times while I was in but in general it’s closed and locked.

He put it out on Monday night and saw it on Tuesday as he was packing his work bag, was going to take it and then got waylaid with something. As for anyone “verifying” this no, I just take his word for it.. bizarre to suggest I should do otherwise really. A lot of people on here are very convinced he’s lost it- he hasn’t!

Saying you lock the door when he goes to work but earlier said you do forget to lock the door regularly.

I mean it was still last seen when he was in the house, so didn't go missing whilst he was out

You said in your opening post you haven't been locking it when you go out on errands?

Why didn’t he tell you straight away when he noticed? Seems a bit weird to not try and make sure it’s fine when he saw it wasn’t there.

IF it's been taken, might it be worthwhile looking outside & around your house in case the box has been discarded & just the ring kept.

Maybe your DP misremembers where he left the box. Nobody is saying that it’s definitely your DP but equally you can’t say that it definitely isn’t. You say he is so diligent etc but 1)he forgot to take the ring (it doesn’t matter he apparently realised very soon after leaving) 2)didn’t tell you until next day 3)didn’t notice that the box was there (if it was) when he was leaving. So I think it’s not THAT impossible to believe he could have misplaced it.

He locks the door when he leaves in the early morning, I’m asleep

I had something similar happen although it was in the workplace.
I had my bag under my desk, later that day an unusual transaction appeared on our joint account in a town about 30 minutes drive away, and it was my card that was used.
That same day workmen had been in the offices completing work on the air conditioning system, they just so happened to be based at the same town that the odd transaction was done.
It was a very small company doing the work, 3 men doing the job one of which my workplace had used multiple times before.
I blocked my bank card, the next morning the card was declined in the same area about an hour before they were due to be back at my workplace, so the timings still fitted with their movements.
I reported it as a theft but because there was no cctv of them taking my card, just them entering the office to check the vents no further action was taken.
Because I was reimbursed by the bank for the original transaction they were the ones that were then the victims and they weren’t bothered about requesting the cctv from the shop to see if we could identify the person using the card was one of the people from the air conditioning company.
We didn’t directly accuse them ourselves as we had hoped the police would look at the shop cctv, but it meant that my company will not use that firm again. You can’t accuse people with no proof, but you can say that an item is missing and did they notice anyone hanging around by the front door etc

All these people saying no way it was one of them and cant/don't do anything must have led very sheltered/lucky lives...many years ago my girls gold charm bracelets went missing (very sentimental very expensive). DD1 then about 8 remembered showing them to our regular babysitter (once a week) and then putting them away.
I actually called the police for advice (a few thousands pounds worth of jewellery). They took it seriously and went to speak to the family (she was almost 18). And asked to search her room. Her mum was so sure it wasn't her she agreed. And guess what they found.

I have a mental note now, that chimes loud, whenever I have lost something and start the process of looking to apportion blame and accuse others of it's theft.
Don't do this Deepdas - don't make a twat of yourself........

Yes you did say it disappeared when DP was out but you can’t possible know that! Unless you stood at the door waving goodbye and seeing the box was there when he left. This is why, despite you repeating 10 times that he was out when ‘it went missing’ people don’t take much notice of it. Because you can’t say it with 100% certainty. DP could have misplaced it before le left that morning. You say he was sleepy, it was 5:30, he forgot, he didn’t see it…. Come on, you CANNOT exclude this possibility.

This is perfect

DH locks the door Tuesday morning while the OP is asleep. At some point on the Tuesday, the OP has unlocked the doors and gone out without locking them again. Bob’s colleague has spotted that the OP has gone out, has - without Bob noticing - gone into the house via the back door, gone through the house to the front door and looked at the ledge that is only big enough to fit a ring box, taken the box, and got out the back of the house again without Bob noticing. Incredible.

@Marooneythis is an obvious logical fallacy: two wrongs do not make a right. It’s poor form even to suggest you have footage you do not.

You’re no further forward, I see and will likely never see the ring again unfortunately. Lesson learned (on your DP’s part) hopefully.

I think you can ask if they noticed when it stopped being there and see what they say. Anything else, you'd need proof.

So your DH put it out on Monday night and it was still there on Tuesday morning. He was going to take it but got waylaid by something else. All good.

But there’s no chance that “something else” involved opening the door? I’ve got as far as the garden gate and then remembered I’ve forgotten my glasses / car keys / the parcel I need to post, unlocked the door, run upstairs to get the thing leaving the door open, and then left again.

(I live in the middle of nowhere and don’t have anything worth stealing)

Is that a possibility? Opportunist thief on Tuesday morning, or on Tuesday evening, when your DH opened the door and something stopped him coming inside and closing it immediately? Maybe he remembered he’d left something in the van / hadn’t put the bins out / someone spoke to him over the garden fence…?

OP, you should contact every pawn shop around with a description of the ring. My workplace fairly easily located stolen laptops this way.
The pawn shop will have footage of the person depositing the items.
Not sure why everyone is questioning your judgement, it's most likely a worker who took it.

I lost my engagement ring in the house. It was right before the first covid lockdown and I was taking it off to wash my hands as soon as I got into the house. I could have absolutely sworn up and down that I had left it in my bathroom on a little dish I kept there for that reason. We had quite a few people in and out that day, several friends of one of our teens, gardeners, we met with a team from our builders. We searched and searched and searched but didn't find it. It's quite a valuable ring and I didn't want to claim on insurance because it was a significant loss, so we kept putting it off. Two years later, when we were moving, we emptied our chest freezer and it was at the bottom. DH had bought me a new ring in the interim, so now I have two.

OP, are you absolutely sure that you didn't put it somewhere out of sight precisely because you knew workmen were coming?

I think cleaners etc often get accused of stealing stuff that's simply been misplaced.

My parents have too much stuff and cant keep tabs on it all - so if they cant find something expensive they convince themselves the last stranger in their home mustve taken it. It cant be them moving it somewhere obscure or it ending up in a charity bag. Human nature I guess.

If I had a job working in someone's home I'd show them my bag on the way out!

I hope you get your ring back OP

This sounds smooth and offers the opportunity to return the ring if indeed it was taken by either of the builders.

Absolutely second looking everywhere before accusing but the above sounds friendly enough to encourage a return.

Exactly, I’ve heard lots of stories of these things happening. It was reasonably common in my area of Scotland where I grew up which is why I’m especially annoyed at my mum for being so lax about my stuff when workmen were in.

I lived in a working class area and remember a friends mum having a big showdown on our street with a tradesman for stealing from her and he eventually gave her back what he had stolen after she made a few threats, while claiming he had been going to replace the cash anyway. He was just “borrowing” it,

Like my mum she was a single mum and probably a target for these kind of men - but unlike my mum she was up for rough and tumble and scared the heck out of these men.

Ah so lucky you got that back! She obviously wasn’t the sharpest thief or she’d have given it to a mate to hold lol

I'm so sorry this must be distressing.

Firstly do as other suggest and double check.

Don't accuse the workmen, but ask them if they've seen the box. Describe it in detail. Tell them how gutted you are because you've just got engaged etc etc.

You never know it may turn up as if by magic.

I would also go visit pawn shops in a 20mile radius showing them images of the ring and asking them to notify you if it turns up.

If it doesn't turn up, household insurance is the only option.

Have you or DP checked the original hiding place in the bedroom?
Just a thought because you say you have no recollection of it being on the table by the door in the first place.
I dont think your DH is likely to have taken it with him and then just "lost" it but he may well have thought he'd taken it out from the hiding place and left it to take for the next morning but didn't actually do that, just thought he did.
Worth a look?

How depressing.

Every single "fella" you know has the capacity to work, pay bills, have children, but not to go to a shop and relay a simple instruction?

I don't think I'd want to marry someone who couldn't even manage such a basic task anyway!

Traditionally it was the man who chose and purchased the engagement ring so not sure how that tallies with your belief that they are incapable of being "in charge" of it....