AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

No not really, but I have been and continue to look all over

He looks dodgy as fuck.

I'm in the "workman is a thief" camp.

So the ring was placed on the ledge the night before. Your husband can't confirm that it definitely was there in the morning - because if he had seen it, he would have picked it up and taken it with him as planned. You were never aware of it being there at all. Could something have happened to it overnight?

When I was nursing on a surgical ward we would lock patient’s jewellery in a small cupboard having itemised it on a form when they were going to theatres. One woman, on her return from theatre asked a nurse for her jewellery back. Nurse went to cupboard and there was nothing there for that particular patient. Patient raised merry hell as it had most definitely been locked away, calling us all thieves for stealing her multiple gold rings, bracelets etc. and demanding we call the police. When her husband turned up he informed her he had taken her jewellery home for safe keeping. We didn’t get one word of apology.

OP: did you tell Bob you have indoor camera footage that you do not, in fact, have?

It's possible it was the workman but the amethyst brooch story in Anne of Green Gables does spring to mind... check all bags/coats etc.

I know you’ve written it many times .. but already there’s been discrepancies over the actual day .. left Tuesday noticed Wednesday, then actually no, noticed Tuesday, then back to Wednesday 🤷‍♀️
We all at times think we remember things exactly, but in actual fact, we don’t. 🤷‍♀️

Or he thought about taking it and meant to put it there the night before, but didn’t. In his head/memory, is convinced he did actually put it there. I do this regularly. I know I’ve done something, but actually in reality, I haven’t. But in my head I can absolutely remember doing it 🤷‍♀️

No not back to Wednesday. I originally thought Wednesday as that’s when he asked me if I’d moved it, but today I called him to clarify the timeline. It was Tuesday morning when he left without it and realised soon after while driving, and and Tuesday evening when he got back and immediately saw it wasn’t there. There was no time for him to have moved it as he wasn’t there!

Correct, that’s what OP has done.

I said that we might have, was hazy on details. Can’t see an issue with that, if they’re guilty then lying to make them return it is obviously justified, if they’re innocent what possible difference could it make

How valuable and distinctive is the ring?

Not might have. You definitely did tell him this, as He actually looked mortified but insisted it couldn’t have been his friend, and urged us several times to check our (non-existent) indoor camera footage. I made up an excuse about having to download it from the cloud etc. so he still thinks we’ll be able to confirm who it was at some point.
To be fair, I agree, no harm in telling him this little white lie. But I honestly think it’s going to turn up somewhere unexpected in your house.

When your husband realised he had forgotten the ring he should have phoned you so that you could have put it somewhere safe.

If they didn't use the front door, how would they know the box was there?

Do you mean the ex child minder that was inciting violence.

Surely if you left the door unlocked an then think the builders came in the house, you would see them enter through the unlocked door on the camera

It could still be your partner, he may have picked it up and put in his pocket without thinking, then it's fell out of his pocket whilst out

But you don't know that is was Tuesday when it went missing. It was Monday evening when your partner thinks they put it on the table. Maybe they put it somewhere else or forgot to move it at all? Or maybe something happened to it between the evening and the morning?

Haven’t read the full thread but just wanted to say I’m certainly not assuming he wouldn’t steal. It can happen.

One stole my earrings that were given to me by my grandma. They were of sentimental value and quite expensive too as pure gold.

I was fuming at my mum, she had the worst judgment when employing tradesmen and there was always some mishap, plus despite all that she didn’t supervise them at all.

This happened while I was away at university and I came back to find them missing from my jewellery box after she had apparently done some redecoration done in my bedroom which was completely unnecessary . my mum was like oh well ffs 🤦🏽‍♀️ if I’d known she was doing that I’d have taken the jewellery box with me.

A workman stile my Apple AirPods. They were on the table when I left the workmen alone. Then they disappeared 😞

For an engagement ring and only 2 workmen, I would involve the police!

He wasn't out all day when it went missing though was he?

He's the one who put it on the ledge, no one else can verify it was there. He's the one who then says it's missing. It was last seen when he was in the house, it went missing at some point from when he put it on the ledge Monday night.

Realistically it sounds unlikely to be the builder. Would the builder have known it was there, as he didn't go through the front door at any point? He was sneaking through the house to the porch to look for valuables randomly left in a porch? That's pretty risky, and if Bob was surprised there's no known history of theft

Given the fact your DH forgot to take the ring, left it by an unlocked door all day and then didn't even think to ask where it had gone when he got home he doesn't sound the most organised of people. Most people would be pretty panicked to find a ring they'd left out by an open door had gone missing

Are you sure? If you say you were at home it should.

Is it insured?

Do you have a photo of it you could email pawn brokers.

Happened in our village a casual labourer working with a contractor came back alone after the job was finished and burgled them. Luckily the neighbours recognise the van and he was caught.

It's a horrible thing to happen. I'm sorry OP