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AIBU?

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AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

388 replies

Marooney · Today 09:15

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · Today 18:27

You have nowhere near enough evidence to decide what happened to the ring.

Marooney · Today 18:31

Twasasurprise · Today 18:13

Your DH perhaps forgot it in the morning because it was already gone? Do you lock the door overnight?

Yes definitely locked overnight and also when DP leaves for work

OP posts:
YourShyLion · Today 18:33

You have zero proof it was one of them and tbh they'd be really stupid to steal from you as you'd obviously jump to that conclusion. Don't think they'd be that daft. Claim on your house insurance or whatever insurance you have separately for the ring. I'm sure you wouldn't be daft enough to get a ring and not have it insured so at least you'll be covered.

Marooney · Today 18:33

Viviennemary · Today 18:27

You have nowhere near enough evidence to decide what happened to the ring.

That’s what I said, no evidence. But when no one else has been in the house during the window it disappeared (Tuesday daytime), including DP who was at work, where are suspicions going to lie?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 18:35

Marooney · Today 18:31

Yes definitely locked overnight and also when DP leaves for work

But again, have you actually searched your house and where the ring was originally?

Okgoogle45 · Today 18:36

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · Today 10:56

Have you got a pet chick or a duck?
Maybe it was one of them....

Ha ha ha ha ha it's one of the best episodes 😂

Marooney · Today 18:37

NoTouch · Today 18:12

If he was visibly shocked, defending his friend, clearly mortified, and asking you to review the camera footage you said you had to prove their innocence , then you must have strongly implied it.

That man will have went home tonight worried about this job and his reputation.

In my view, deliberately lying in a way intended to upset or manipulate someone calls for an apology. If you hold a different standard 🤷‍♀️

Edited

Sorry but no; we asked outright if he thought it was possible his colleague had taken it, but we made it clear we didn’t suspect him (both DP and I over the course of the day had independently ruled him out in our minds). He did seem very surprised at the idea his friend could have done it, and we accepted that and moved on to checking out the finished work and paying him. We didn’t want to upset him and I don’t believe we did. I was hazy about the details of the ring camera on the off-chance he later chatted to his friend about it so that his friend, if he stole it, might return it. Bob is in the clear and has not gone home looking worried at all.

OP posts:
Marooney · Today 18:37

ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 18:35

But again, have you actually searched your house and where the ring was originally?

Yes of course

OP posts:
YourShyLion · Today 18:38

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · Today 10:56

Have you got a pet chick or a duck?
Maybe it was one of them....

Love this! 😄

notanotherusername2026 · Today 18:40

Many years ago a colleague lost a valuable ring in the office. We couldn't find it anywhere. I hope she didn't think I'd taken it but months later I did find it in an A4 filing box of invoices from the previous year. It must have slipped off when she filed something herself. As it was a box of invoices from the previous year the manager said you must be well behind on the filing then!

YourShyLion · Today 18:42

Marooney · Today 12:34

Something strange- this is from the day in question, the assistant walking out with something under his t-shirt! Obviously too big to be the ring but makes me wonder if he’s stolen other things

Edited

Goodness me! It's most likely a tape measure or something he has attached to his belt, that's how tradespeople have things to hand for ease of use. Pockets and belt clips.

Claim on the rings insurance and all will be fine.

itsaffafine · Today 18:46

Can I ask when you leave the house with the baby do you put your jacket and shoes/take the pram out the front door? Could you have inadvertently knocked the ring box off the ledge with your jacket? It could have fallen into the pram or the shopping tray underneath. Are shoes kept there? It could have fallen off into a shoe maybe. Into the nappy bag/your handbag? Could it be in your front garden? Maybe knocked it outside with the pram or your foot whilst going out the door.
Hope you find it. Please update as I’m really invested!

nevernotmaybe · Today 18:51

Harriet36 · Today 10:21

They won’t have taken it. Your partner has moved it.

Why is OP special and couldn't have moved it?

UDontaskUDontget · Today 18:51

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · Today 10:56

Have you got a pet chick or a duck?
Maybe it was one of them....

How random! You thought of a duck or chick before a cat or dog? Hahahaha

Allthegoodonesareg0ne · Today 18:53

UDontaskUDontget · Today 18:51

How random! You thought of a duck or chick before a cat or dog? Hahahaha

Its a friends reference

ScotiaLass · Today 18:58

Looking4Summer · Today 10:12

"Bob, could you and Andy keep an eye out for a small box with an engagement ring in it? DP was supposed to take it to the shop but he looks to have lost it! Bloody expensive mistake that was. I might have to trawl back through the CCTV to see if he's dropped it in the house or garden. Thanks so much for your help."

However, it is much more likely your DP has accidentally misplaced it than the workman have taken it.

If it did happen to be one of them, it might give them the chance to 'find' it for you.

I think this post wins. Keep it friendly like you're asking a favour, but let them know you have CCTV and IF they took it I'm sure it will turn back up.

Marooney · Today 18:59

nevernotmaybe · Today 18:51

Why is OP special and couldn't have moved it?

It’s not that I couldn’t have, but rather that I didn’t. I didn’t even know it was there.

OP posts:
SuziQuinto · Today 19:01

UDontaskUDontget · Today 18:51

How random! You thought of a duck or chick before a cat or dog? Hahahaha

It's an episode of Friends

Kettlehead · Today 19:04

Similar happened to a work colleague, numerous workmen in renovating their property and some expensive jewellery was discovered missing. Police were informed and did make some enquiries but because they didn't know the exact date when it was taken, and the house had been left open over several weeks to allow various tradesmen to come and go they were not able to take any action. It was distressing for my colleague as it had sentimental value plus their insurance company wouldn't pay up as they said they hadn't taken precautions by allowing people free access to their house and leaving unlocked doors meaning anyone could have even walked off the street and slipped into the house (although they were certain it was one of the tradespeople)

NotMeAtAll · Today 19:06

A friend of mine found a client's necklace (or bracelet) in the bottom of a toolbox/bag. The clasp must have come undone causing it to fall off. It was found a year after it went missing. They were able to trace the owner (probably in a list of contacts), who was very pleased. It had great sentimental value.

Whattodo1610 · Today 19:08

I would love to come back to this at a later date to find OP has said, actually we’ve found it, guess where .. Because no matter how diligent anyone is, they can definitely move something, put it somewhere safe, and have no recollection at all about it.

So in this situation, it definitely wasn’t OP because she didn’t know it was there, definitely wasn’t dp because he’s super switched on and didn’t move it (although not so switched on that he remembered to take it with him 😉), definitely not Bob as he just wouldn’t take it, definitely not Bob’s mate as Bob has known him over 25 years and was genuinely shocked at the thought he may have taken it.

🧐 🧐

Ophy83 · Today 19:11

How old is the baby?

Marooney · Today 19:12

Whattodo1610 · Today 19:08

I would love to come back to this at a later date to find OP has said, actually we’ve found it, guess where .. Because no matter how diligent anyone is, they can definitely move something, put it somewhere safe, and have no recollection at all about it.

So in this situation, it definitely wasn’t OP because she didn’t know it was there, definitely wasn’t dp because he’s super switched on and didn’t move it (although not so switched on that he remembered to take it with him 😉), definitely not Bob as he just wouldn’t take it, definitely not Bob’s mate as Bob has known him over 25 years and was genuinely shocked at the thought he may have taken it.

🧐 🧐

I would love that too!
It wasn’t my DP because regardless of his personal attributes he was out all of Tuesday when it went missing, I must have written this ten times now.
It could have been Bob yeah, but we don’t think so, so the most likely is still Bob’s friend but Bob’s reaction has made us less sure. Nothing much to be done really

OP posts:
Marooney · Today 19:13

Ophy83 · Today 19:11

How old is the baby?

Haha, not even crawling yet

OP posts:
Nannydoodles · Today 19:14

I worked for social services several years ago and was accused of taking a ring from an elderly lady I had visited.
Obviously I knew I hadn’t taken it but the family was adamant that nobody else had been in the house except themselves. I felt awful and felt that others were doubting my honesty.
After about a week it was found down the back of her bedside cabinet - I got little in the way of apology but it really shook me up at the time.