AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

Very unlikely.

I work in construction and we had a case of a regular employee of a building firm who stole an Oyster card (London tube and bus) travel card - when these were a thing - from the client's desk. Very stupid as the client's online account showed all the journeys - so the builder could work out which of his guys had stolen it. He was mortified.

Prior to that I had always assumed that no one would be stupid enough to steal from a client's home when they are known to be there. Defo speak to Bob and us know what he says.

Exactly!

While I can understand the op's frustration and suspicions, at the end of the day nothing will be achieved by accusing anyone. They need to just put it down to experience and the dp be more careful with anything valuable in future.

I’d say yoir ring has gone missing and before you search through internal cameras you’re offering to see if it’s back by this evening before you look and go to the police

I just remembered another thing that went walkies!

My great grandmother's glass dressing table set. Stored in the loft, disappeared during solar panels installation.
That certainly wasn't misplaced.

I would always lock my valuables away now or move them to another location

What if there's no response?

You trust Bob, you don’t think it was him. Therefore I wouldn’t do the passive aggressive ooh we can’t find the ring, we will have to check the footage route.

I’d say Bob, this is really awkward but how well do you know your assistant, explain where the ring was and when it went missing, and show him the suspicious photo.

^ This. At the very least Bob's reaction will be interesting.

Workmen stole my cousins car keys! Then came back and stole the car off the drive in broad daylight. They crashed it and police got them. it definitely does happen!!!

Reminds me of working in hotels.
The amount of calls we would get about cleaners robbing - money / jewellery / clothes….
you name it.

All accusations treated seriously - cameras checked, employee chatted with, keycard machine checked to see who entered the room via key cards and you know what, it was never the housekeeper.
The item would turn up even after the guest being adamant they left it ‘on the desk’.

We’ve had calls from guests who have checked out and saying something was stolen… only for them to eventually ring back and say they found it.

It’s a bloody horrible situation to have someone accused of theft and people are so quick to blame ‘the staff’ and don’t give a 2nd thought to the employee they accused of stealing once they’ve found their item.

I would definitely talk to Bob. I'd say something like this is really embarassing and i hate asking but have you known Jim long? He. Would then say yes or no. He might ask wyhy you are asking andyou can explain. i would add to the conversation that you thought it important to talk to him because it could affect his reputation. My husband used to run sites. the only time he got his phone nicked on site was when a very trusted electrician had a new helper with him who had just got out of prison. Tradesmen rely on their reptations.

Check your single item value limit

No-one is suggesting that workmen are always completely honest.
However, there would be ample evidence in the case of that car.
In this case, there is nothing on the Ring, and the photo shows nothing. It could easily have been misplaced by the husband.

His hand looks enormous

Many years ago we had a workman laying some wooden flooring for us. He was a mate of DH from the golf club who was also a bit of a handy man. He had a younger man helping him. I didn't really like the younger one as he was quiet and seemed sullen. One day my gold cross and chain was missing. I was certain it was this younger man who took it and also said as much to the mate when the job was finished. A few months later I found it in a kitchen cupboard so I must have put it there without realising.

Similar could have happened here. Because you haven't been locking the doors you can't be 100% certain the workman took it. If they didn't need access to the house (were they not borrowing the loo?) then you should have kept both front and back doors locked.

He's probably changed his mind and taken it back and hasnt the nerve to tell you yet

I strongly suspect that the answer lies with the husband.

That photo looks odd and proves nothing.

I agree with the direct approach to Bob.

Bob this is really awkward, and to be clear - DH trusts you implicitly - but how well do you know your assistant? We know we left my engagement ring on the table on Tuesday because DH was taking it to the jewellers to resize. Just to be sure we weren't going mad, we've turned the house upside down - the car as well. But to be honest, that's where it was.

Before we check all our camera footage and talk to the police, I wanted to see what you thought about Jim? A quick glance had footage has already thrown this up and although it's not evidence, it does look dodgy (show photo). What do you think?

Report it to the police and let them investigate it.

Report what? A lost ring?

A friend of mine accused a company of stealing a watch and on moving found the watch. You may think you are 100% sure as they were. However someone lost their reputation or job and it was not them

That's awful. Someone at work was accused of stealing a woman's ear buds from her desk drawer because she was the last person to use the desk. They turned up somewhere else. It was very unpleasant with the woman getting very angry and accusing the colleague. She found them later.

Oh ffs the suggestions are really grasping now. Next one will involve aliens or something....

Why would the DP bring it up the ring going missing first if this was the case?

Surely he'd wait for OP to ask what happened to it? Not to mention HE has worked with Bob multiple times in the past - why on earth would he potentially risk a business relationship with someone (who has access to his house!) just to delay an awkward conversation that he'd have to face at some point anyway - its not like OP is going to not notice if they never get married!

Absolutely! The boys in blue will be pulling up outside OP's house with a screech of brakes in no time!

I am amazed that no one said speak to the Police after a good search. You mention a dog, could they have picked it up my labs move stuff all over the place my DBS notification letter took a tour of the house. I would certainly mention it casually to the lead workman you know. I imagine the vast majority of workman are on the level but a few aren't. I remember my elderly Grandfather talking about the carer stealing linen/silver spoons etc, we were sceptical, but in fact it was all true.