AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

I thought one of our builders had stolen amazon vouchers I'd bought as Christmas presents. I signed for them and put them in the right hand drawer in my sideboard, where everything like that goes.

Amazon cancelled and reissued them for me, I never found them and subsequently moved without ever finding them, so I guess I was right. Sometimes workmen are unfortunately lightfingered

Yes i'd do this ^ more tactful. Or tell them the story of it like "Oh, bloody DP has lost my engagement ring! He left it just there! What's he like?! Anyway, it doesn't matter as it's all on camera anyway and we're hoping it will show up."

Well in my mid-length life I've had the cleaner steal my phone, a builder steal a box of memorabilia of mine, and another builder steal a set of vintage toy cars of my partner's (which actually weren't valuable, but presumably he thought they were). And my aunt's collection of Lilliput houses was stolen by a workman too (admittedly back in their heyday). So anecdotally, I'd say fairly common.

My mum was getting new central heating fitted by a sub contractor via the council. Because the full house was pretty much upturned and my mum was frail, I stupidly let them have the run of the house and took mum out most of the day but I removed all her jewellery. I used to buy my mum royal doulton images of nature animal figurines. The one that went awol was a special edition one via WWF. Turns out they had had a good haul stealing coins, medals, money and jewellery from predominantly over 75yr olds. So I just replaced the ornament and let it go as we'd got off relatively lightly.

Maybe Bob will know if his assistant recently got engaged. Or turned up at work this morning with new trainers and a new phone. Warning him that he might be employing someone who could steal from him, or damage his business by stealing from other customers, seems sensible. Police maybe can't do anything but might know of this guy already, might find your ring with other stolen property. There is evidence of a crime surely (if you're positive it's not lost), even if no proof who committed it.

It was 10 years ago now. I didn't replace it. Other things have taken priority finance wise. My husband has said a few times he would like to replace it, we have two children and they are quite an expense and generally their needs/ wants trump ours! Maybe one day.

If you go through the Ring doorbell alerts, surely you should see who opened the door?

I have a friend who left a substantial amount of cash in an envelope on her kitchen sideboard, which then went missing. Only two people living in the house. The gardener has been at the house recently. She was livid. As she had been incredibly kind to him and his family, she was distraught that he could have stolen money from her, but couldn't bring herself to have a confrontation, but stopped giving him jobs. About 6 months later she found that very envelope shoved in a drawer in the garage.

It's a horrible feeling OP especially when you can't be 100% sure. I would never generalise about tradesmen because the majority of them are decent living hardworking, talented people.

Unfortunately as in any walk of life there are exceptions to the rule. I had to call an agency to send out an emergency plumber. When he arrived my DH wasn't home from work. He acted threatening from the outset, getting too close etc when talking about the issue. He asked if he could check the radiators upstairs. When he was preparing the invoice he stared at me & said how are you getting on with your Christmas shopping, that's my mothers gift sorted. When he left I went upstairs to check the rooms & an expensive gold necklace I kept in a drawer had gone. He had indeed sorted his mother's gift but again I had no proof.

Sorry: did the envelope she found in the garage still have the cash in it?

Unfortunately, unless you have CCTV that has captured them taking it then I wouldn’t say anything. They could just say an opportunist has tried the door and found it unlocked and taken it.

I do have a Ring camera which shows no one entering the house, but they could have got in from the garden

you have no proof…

Was going to urge you to be cautious as my DH did ring up a fencer and ask about missing money to find it pushed under some stuff on the kitchen table (I was at work, he panicked and rang the fencer who had a new assistant with him). However having seen your updates and the photo would be VERY suspicious. Would go with the internal camera angle and see if you can get it back. Good luck!

6 hours dithering about on this thread. Just speak to Bob.

You trust Bob, you don’t think it was him. Therefore I wouldn’t do the passive aggressive ooh we can’t find the ring, we will have to check the footage route.

I’d say Bob, this is really awkward but how well do you know your assistant, explain where the ring was and when it went missing, and show him the suspicious photo.

Yes it was all still there. Her or her husband must have shoved it in there "to keep safe" and then completely forgotten what they did with it.

Treat them as witnesses not suspects. Tell them you are calling the police as your ring is missing and that the police will "no doubt want to speak to them" and then ask them if they had seen anyone else. You might see a reaction, and if it was the dodgy assistant your main man may try to flush it out of him as he will infer he may be under suspicion. At best it may well be "found". But report to police not accuse people. You dont know if someone else came to the house.8

What if there's no reaction or response?
What do you imagine the police will do? They're not going to interview them all in your front room like in an Agatha Christie.
The police need evidence. It's entirely possible that it's in the husband's van somewhere.

We had private overnight carers some time ago, when my father was very ill. A new one came a few times, then my mother noticed a couple of hundred pounds missing from a filing cabinet in the house. Mum felt sure this carer had stolen it, as all the other carers had been with us a while and without problem.

Mum mentioned to the carer that some money had gone missing but that she always left her computer camera on at night so she would be able to see who had gone near the filing cabinet and report them to the police. Mum let this woman work one more night, the money suddenly appeared back in its place, and then she never contacted the woman again.

Of course, there was no such camera, there was no evidence at all but the ruse worked. So a hint and fear of retribution does sometimes work.

Do this asap!

I've been looking at the picture, in what way is it suspicious? I can't see anything.

They will take a statement and they will check backgrounds by running a quick search. It's not an Agatha Christie but you are raising police involvement which is pretty scary to most people. Well the innocent anyway.

Do you really think the police are going to come round just in response to a lost ring?

Yes, but it's not necessarily going to flush anyone out and (I could be wrong) but the police won't question these men. There's nothing on the Ring camera and the photo isn't evidence.
It could just turn up in the husband's van, then they've wasted police time.