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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be shocked by swearing in front of kids and wife

149 replies

shockedwifeanim · 28/05/2026 08:55

I’m from a different culture to my husband, and I genuinely don’t know if this is just a British cultural difference or whether other people would also find it inappropriate.

Where I grew up, men simply did not swear in front of women or children. Men might swear privately with male friends, but if a child or woman entered the room, the language would immediately stop. Even teenage boys would correct each other if younger siblings were around.

My husband is British, and over time he’s become much more casual with swearing at home. Things like:
“I had a shit day”
“My fucking belt broke”
etc.

He also occasionally says things like “you little shit” or “piss off” to our pre-school daughter in a joking/annoyed way.

What shocks me isn’t even the words themselves, adults swear where I’m from too, it’s the fact it’s done so casually around children and family. I’ve also never heard my parents raise their voices at each other, whereas he can at our daughter (if she’s done something wrong, won’t get ready fast enough, broke something) or me (in an argument) so the whole atmosphere feels very harsh to me when he is in argument mode.

Before anyone asks why I married him: when we were dating/engaged he genuinely did not speak like this around me. I think once we got married and he became comfortable, his normal way of speaking came out more.

He thinks I’m overly sensitive and that this is just normal British behaviour. I find it coarse and honestly quite shocking every time I hear it. It’s never abusive and he’ll apologise the next day but it just seems so bizzare and striking to me whenever I hear it.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Foraor · 29/05/2026 09:26

ByGraptharsHammer · 29/05/2026 09:21

Btw it used to be accepted that men swore but moderated their language at home. If your husband can’t do that, then he’s being aggressive.

Yeah. It used to be accepted that men beat their wives. I don’t think ‘what used to be accepted’ is much of a guide to how things should be.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 29/05/2026 09:28

AmberSpy · 28/05/2026 08:57

The way he speaks to your daughter is unacceptable imo. Calling a pre-schooler a little shit is vile. I don't care if it's done "affectionately", she deserves better than that.

Tho you both deserve better
I wouldn’t tolerate this at all. He’d be gone!

WonderingWanda · 29/05/2026 09:31

I really dislike swearing at children but I think in British culture swearing has become much more acceptable day to day and now my children are teenagers I am a bit more relaxed and the odd swear word slips out in front of them. I am careful to point out to them that swearing needs to be audience appropriate and they should notice that I mutter swear words under my breath when driving but never openly shout or call people names. I don't swear at people. I generally don't swear in front of my parents / grandparents. I don't swear at work. I wouldn't swear in interactions with shop workers etc. As a teacher I do encounter some children who just don't understand why wearing and name calling is wrong and sadly it's because this is how their parents speak to them.

ByGraptharsHammer · 29/05/2026 09:37

Foraor · 29/05/2026 09:26

Yeah. It used to be accepted that men beat their wives. I don’t think ‘what used to be accepted’ is much of a guide to how things should be.

What a dickish and stupid response. Men moderating their swearing at home is good. They recognized aggressive behaviour in the home was bad in the 1950s. As if wife beating was prescribed for all men.

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/05/2026 09:46

WhatAMarvelousTune · 28/05/2026 09:40

I wouldn’t like anyone swearing at a child.

But I don’t see any reason whatsoever why “I’ve had a shit day” would be ok to say to a man but not a woman.

This. Calling a child “a little shit” is horrible. Horrible enough to end a marriage. Because its a personal insult directed at a vulnerable child (yes I know its a joke but its nasty).

I don’t see a problem with “my fucking belt broke,” it’s directed at an inanimate object. It’s very different from directing a swear word at an individual and I don’t understand why it should be acceptable to say this to a man but not to a woman?

I understand why you are upset about the way he spoke to your child and would nor be tolerating that but I think your attitude to different standards for different sexes is a bit old fashioned and sexist.

Usernamenotav · 03/06/2026 14:31

I agree with not swearing in front of children. But women?? What kind of sexist shit is that?

whitefluffydog · 03/06/2026 15:27

It is abusive....how old is your child, is it 1 child? You might discover that as life goes, he goes more abusive or he thinks he is not abusive but just casual. Is he a tradie? I just left a job working with tradies and they all swore in every single sentence, also describing their wives used the word: my bitch and one man described his baby girl as his fucking daughter.

My husband is English but has been to uni....so he does not swear like this in front of me or the children...and yes, in Eastern Europe men who swear are regarded as bad < wether you are Eastern or Central....I suppose you are Slavic or Magiyar >

whitefluffydog · 03/06/2026 15:29

Usernamenotav · 03/06/2026 14:31

I agree with not swearing in front of children. But women?? What kind of sexist shit is that?

I left a job exactly because of the sexist shit you are accustomed to: to be swore at and taking it casually.....lol, Continental women do have standards, British???? - another story

Foraor · 03/06/2026 15:30

Usernamenotav · 03/06/2026 14:31

I agree with not swearing in front of children. But women?? What kind of sexist shit is that?

Oh, someone who has timetravelled from the days when men had madonna-whore complexes as a matter of course and the madonnas blushed and cried if someone said 'bloody'.

TheWineoftheChicken · 03/06/2026 15:48

Well obviously he should not be talking to your daughter like that, it’s completely unacceptable and I wouldn’t tolerate it.
I don’t really understand the issue with swearing around women though, they’re not a different, more delicate species. Obviously if you don’t like him swearing around you then you’re entitled to tell him you don’t like it, but I don’t see what that’s got to do with you being a woman.

TheWineoftheChicken · 03/06/2026 15:50

TheWineoftheChicken · 03/06/2026 15:48

Well obviously he should not be talking to your daughter like that, it’s completely unacceptable and I wouldn’t tolerate it.
I don’t really understand the issue with swearing around women though, they’re not a different, more delicate species. Obviously if you don’t like him swearing around you then you’re entitled to tell him you don’t like it, but I don’t see what that’s got to do with you being a woman.

Oh and I’m ‘continental’ not British, but according to a PP still have no standards!

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 03/06/2026 15:57

Women aren't children. So I'd never expect my dh or I to call our child a shit or tell them to piss off, however I have he and I will swear around each other e.g. "fucks sake I just trod on some lego". He would never swear at me or vice versa. They're adult words, for adults, regardless of gender. I'd put your concern on that rather than him swearing around women (we are just as capable as a man when it comes to offensive language thank you very much).

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 03/06/2026 16:01

whitefluffydog · 03/06/2026 15:29

I left a job exactly because of the sexist shit you are accustomed to: to be swore at and taking it casually.....lol, Continental women do have standards, British???? - another story

But swearing at work is very very different to swearing at home. I agree, its unprofessional and I'd not work somewhere people swore at each other. It's not a sex/gender thing, it's a professional standards thing. Someone swearing when they stub their toe or cut their hand, in their own kitchen, when only their wife is present - I don't see an issue and it wouldn't upset me. Maybe that is a British thing but I'd rather a husband who swears when he cuts his hand making me a delicious dinner, than one who always speaks formally because I'm a woman but then expects me to do all the cooking and cleaning because I'm a woman.

DallazMajor · 03/06/2026 16:02

Swearing/name calling a child is just inappropriate.

augustusglupe · 03/06/2026 16:05

It’s not you OP. We’re a non sweary family. Tbh if anyone’s sworn abit it’s me 🫢
We all hate gratuitous swearing. My husband works with a guy who swears badly a lot & DH hates it.
I was brought up in a house where bloody hell was the norm and I can be like that too. DH’s house was non sweary.
Our DD is in her 30s now and she rarely swears in front of us and if she does she quickly says sorry.
I’m like oh it’s fine 😄

Cherriesandapples1 · 03/06/2026 16:10

whitefluffydog · 03/06/2026 15:29

I left a job exactly because of the sexist shit you are accustomed to: to be swore at and taking it casually.....lol, Continental women do have standards, British???? - another story

Noone is saying it's acceptable to be sworn at, calling me a bitch or whatever would 100% not be acceptable, a man saying he's had a shit day at work is completely different.

2chocolateoranges · 03/06/2026 22:37

Nogimachi · 28/05/2026 22:48

Candidly, this has to do with upbringing and decency. I find it completely unacceptable and I call it out every single time my husband uses bad language in front of the children. It has no place. I also won’t have the children swearing.

Edited

I don’t agree with this at all.

my mum never swore, she brought my brother and I up singlehanded, she was a Sunday school teacher and church elder and hated people swearing. Would roll her eyes if she heard people swearing .

i went to a rough high school, worked in pubs and bars for 18 years, I can tell you that opens your eyes to swear words. I swear, it’s only words but wouldn’t swear in front of my mum and do tell my adult son off for swearing in front of her and I don’t swear at work as that’s not professional.

the colourful language I may use at times has nothing to do with my upbringing or decency, they are just words.

Usernamenotav · 04/06/2026 20:58

Foraor · 03/06/2026 15:30

Oh, someone who has timetravelled from the days when men had madonna-whore complexes as a matter of course and the madonnas blushed and cried if someone said 'bloody'.

Sorry- I don't understand any of this

Usernamenotav · 04/06/2026 21:00

whitefluffydog · 03/06/2026 15:29

I left a job exactly because of the sexist shit you are accustomed to: to be swore at and taking it casually.....lol, Continental women do have standards, British???? - another story

Perhaps it's the language barrier but swearing AT someone is completely different to swearing in front of. In Britain it's not acceptable to swear at anyone - man or woman.

Stop infantalising yourself. You won't die from hearing a naughty word.

MCF86 · 04/06/2026 21:16

I've no problem with men swearing in front of me, and I swear myself around other adults too.

I have reached almost 7 years with my child hearing me swear once, when someone cut us up badly on a roundabout and I momentarily forgot he was in the back seat 🙈. I would never swear "at" him and I think it is horrible.

shockedwifeanim · 21/06/2026 19:51

But then let’s say I leave him over it… the kids would be left 1 on 1 with him during every other weekend or as often as he’s given

OP posts:
PicknStick · 21/06/2026 20:29

shockedwifeanim · 21/06/2026 19:51

But then let’s say I leave him over it… the kids would be left 1 on 1 with him during every other weekend or as often as he’s given

Has it happened again, is that why you’ve come back to the tread 17 days after the last post?

shockedwifeanim · 21/06/2026 21:23

@PicknStick yes but also I’ve been just generally thinking about whether it’s something to leave over if it doesn’t change

OP posts:
GreatThingsAwait · 22/06/2026 21:33

I think it’s shitty to swear in front of people you don’t know. I swear with some friends and a bit with my adult kids but I wouldn’t swear in front of people I don’t know. I can’t stand all the swearing on tv. It’s pathetic. The occasional swear for comedic effect is fine but constant ‘fuck this’ and ‘fuck that’ is awful.
My adult nieces say fuck in front my elderly Mum. It would so course.
Ive been married to my husband for 40 years and I’ve never heard him swear. I’ve also never heard two of my adult kids swear. They hear me swear but they just don’t and they don’t with their friends.
I asked a group of lads if they would stop swearing on a bus once as I had one of my younger kids with me and even thoughthey tried so hard not to swear they just couldn’t help themselves. I wasn’t mad as I genuinely think they were trying their best and they kept apologising but it’s sad to see that swearing was such a normal
part of their day to day language.

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