To be shocked by swearing in front of kids and wife

[shockedwifeanim]

I’m from a different culture to my husband, and I genuinely don’t know if this is just a British cultural difference or whether other people would also find it inappropriate.

Where I grew up, men simply did not swear in front of women or children. Men might swear privately with male friends, but if a child or woman entered the room, the language would immediately stop. Even teenage boys would correct each other if younger siblings were around.

My husband is British, and over time he’s become much more casual with swearing at home. Things like:
“I had a shit day”
“My fucking belt broke”
etc.

He also occasionally says things like “you little shit” or “piss off” to our pre-school daughter in a joking/annoyed way.

What shocks me isn’t even the words themselves, adults swear where I’m from too, it’s the fact it’s done so casually around children and family. I’ve also never heard my parents raise their voices at each other, whereas he can at our daughter (if she’s done something wrong, won’t get ready fast enough, broke something) or me (in an argument) so the whole atmosphere feels very harsh to me when he is in argument mode.

Before anyone asks why I married him: when we were dating/engaged he genuinely did not speak like this around me. I think once we got married and he became comfortable, his normal way of speaking came out more.

He thinks I’m overly sensitive and that this is just normal British behaviour. I find it coarse and honestly quite shocking every time I hear it. It’s never abusive and he’ll apologise the next day but it just seems so bizzare and striking to me whenever I hear it.

Am I being unreasonable?

Yeah. It used to be accepted that men beat their wives. I don’t think ‘what used to be accepted’ is much of a guide to how things should be.

Tho you both deserve better
I wouldn’t tolerate this at all. He’d be gone!

I really dislike swearing at children but I think in British culture swearing has become much more acceptable day to day and now my children are teenagers I am a bit more relaxed and the odd swear word slips out in front of them. I am careful to point out to them that swearing needs to be audience appropriate and they should notice that I mutter swear words under my breath when driving but never openly shout or call people names. I don't swear at people. I generally don't swear in front of my parents / grandparents. I don't swear at work. I wouldn't swear in interactions with shop workers etc. As a teacher I do encounter some children who just don't understand why wearing and name calling is wrong and sadly it's because this is how their parents speak to them.

What a dickish and stupid response. Men moderating their swearing at home is good. They recognized aggressive behaviour in the home was bad in the 1950s. As if wife beating was prescribed for all men.

This. Calling a child “a little shit” is horrible. Horrible enough to end a marriage. Because its a personal insult directed at a vulnerable child (yes I know its a joke but its nasty).

I don’t see a problem with “my fucking belt broke,” it’s directed at an inanimate object. It’s very different from directing a swear word at an individual and I don’t understand why it should be acceptable to say this to a man but not to a woman?

I understand why you are upset about the way he spoke to your child and would nor be tolerating that but I think your attitude to different standards for different sexes is a bit old fashioned and sexist.