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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be shocked by swearing in front of kids and wife

130 replies

shockedwifeanim · 28/05/2026 08:55

I’m from a different culture to my husband, and I genuinely don’t know if this is just a British cultural difference or whether other people would also find it inappropriate.

Where I grew up, men simply did not swear in front of women or children. Men might swear privately with male friends, but if a child or woman entered the room, the language would immediately stop. Even teenage boys would correct each other if younger siblings were around.

My husband is British, and over time he’s become much more casual with swearing at home. Things like:
“I had a shit day”
“My fucking belt broke”
etc.

He also occasionally says things like “you little shit” or “piss off” to our pre-school daughter in a joking/annoyed way.

What shocks me isn’t even the words themselves, adults swear where I’m from too, it’s the fact it’s done so casually around children and family. I’ve also never heard my parents raise their voices at each other, whereas he can at our daughter (if she’s done something wrong, won’t get ready fast enough, broke something) or me (in an argument) so the whole atmosphere feels very harsh to me when he is in argument mode.

Before anyone asks why I married him: when we were dating/engaged he genuinely did not speak like this around me. I think once we got married and he became comfortable, his normal way of speaking came out more.

He thinks I’m overly sensitive and that this is just normal British behaviour. I find it coarse and honestly quite shocking every time I hear it. It’s never abusive and he’ll apologise the next day but it just seems so bizzare and striking to me whenever I hear it.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Jellyofftheplate · 28/05/2026 08:57

I don't think it's acceptable to swear at someone, especially a child, but that's not a gender thing. It's just horrible and towards a child, abusive. However, if I was talking to my partner I'd have no issues with him saying that he's had a shit day or that fucking Gina broke his mug.

AmberSpy · 28/05/2026 08:57

The way he speaks to your daughter is unacceptable imo. Calling a pre-schooler a little shit is vile. I don't care if it's done "affectionately", she deserves better than that.

MiserableMrsMopp · 28/05/2026 08:58

I agree it's not acceptable. But I know others aren't as rigid on this. I almost never swear around my grandchildren, although they have overheard me doing it, when it's slipped out or when I thought they were out of earshot.

Their mother however frequently swears in front of them. I try to hammer in the unacceptability of it to the children, but it's hard when they have that example in front of them all the time.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 28/05/2026 08:59

I think swearing in front of children is generally frowned upon in the UK.

Women do not fall into the same category as children though...

ilovemynails · 28/05/2026 08:59

It's not usual behaviour. Maybe it's your DH. As my British born husband doesn't swear in front of me or our family.

cramptramp · 28/05/2026 08:59

That is horrible and I’d seriously consider leaving someone if they spoke like that around or to children.

IsawwhatIsaw · 28/05/2026 09:05

I wouldn’t want that at all, particularly around young children .

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 09:06

You witness your husband treating your daughter like this and you…. Do nothing?

TY78910 · 28/05/2026 09:14

I second the posters who say swear words should never be directed at children, that’s bad even in a jokey way.

I was also born in a country with the exact same attitude towards swearing. Having grown up in the UK though, I can definitely see how swearing is taken a lot lighter in conversation with and around anyone. Personally, swear words sound and feel a lot harsher in my native language than they do in English, which is why I’d never weave them in to anything I say, but I do socially swear in English (never in my kids vicinity though).

Somethingbland · 28/05/2026 09:19

I was certainly brought up to regard swearing, from either sex ,around children as unacceptable. And to swear at children was totally wrong. Infact you did not hear much swearing at all, and certainly not the profanities heard these days.

But there has been a definite shift. Swearing permeates so many peoples everyday language. For some it's literally every other word. But I can honestly say I had never heard parents swear at their children- young children at that, until I moved to my present home. I was , and still am, totally shocked by the language common round my current home area towards children. And it's not just the men. The women are just as bad if not worse .

Of course you aren't being unreasonable in being upset by the way your H talks to your children. It's appalling.
Whether you chose to live with a man who thinks this is an ok way to behave is up to you OP. Unfortunately I can't see him changing .

Foraor · 28/05/2026 09:26

There are two entirely separate things here. Calling a child ‘you little shit’ or telling them to ‘piss off’, is never ok, even if the person saying it protests that it’s ‘affectionate’ and they’re joking.

But using a swear word between adults to describe a crappy day or someone behaving outrageously is not a gendered thing. I find it deeply bizarre that you expect adult women to be ‘protected’ from it.

Ottersideofthebridge · 28/05/2026 09:27

I'm very sweary, but swearing at a young child is absolutely not OK.

RoachFish · 28/05/2026 09:30

Saying I had a shit day to your wife is absolutely fine if you ask me. Telling your young DD to piss off is absolutely not fine. He should never swear at people, especially children. That's just aggressive as it's too targeted.

ainsleysanob · 28/05/2026 09:33

I’m very sweary, my whole family are. But we never swear at each other.

sallymonella · 28/05/2026 09:33

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 28/05/2026 08:59

I think swearing in front of children is generally frowned upon in the UK.

Women do not fall into the same category as children though...

I agree with this.

Topjoe19 · 28/05/2026 09:34

I can't stand it when adults refer to children as little shits - in an oh so jokey way. It turns my stomach.

custardlover · 28/05/2026 09:34

I swear like a sailor but can honestly say I have never sworn in front of my children and neither has my husband. I think it’s vulgar and crass and definitely not normal British behaviour.

Gdodk · 28/05/2026 09:36

Well you have 2 very separate issues.

  1. My fucking belt broke is not serious.

  2. Telling a small child to piss off or that they are a little shit is abusive.

it’s not the words, it’s how they are used. He’s using lighter swear words like piss and shit in a much worse way than he’s using the heavier swear words like fuck.

PicknStick · 28/05/2026 09:37

Adding a swear word when speaking generally isn’t ideal but not the end of the world. It’s fairly common to say you’ve had a shit day etc…

However, targeting it at someone, you little shit or piss-off, especially towards a child is vulgar.

This isn’t the norm in Britain. Your husband needs a lesson in decency and respecting others.

Oaksandapples · 28/05/2026 09:37

ainsleysanob · 28/05/2026 09:33

I’m very sweary, my whole family are. But we never swear at each other.

We follow this same rule.

We do swear, even around the children. They are just words. Sometimes the children swear (my girl will occasionally exclaim "shit!" If she drops something on her toe) but we never swear at each other (no "you little shit" or "arsehole" here) and that is a strict rule.

Gillygallygosh123 · 28/05/2026 09:38

What is your culture? It sounds lovely

I'm guilty of swearing around people ( not at them though )

StretchingShantyJugg · 28/05/2026 09:38

Swearing at someone is unacceptable and swearing at children is absolutely vile and socially unacceptable.

Swearing around women - absolutely fine. It's not the 1950s. We've fought for equality, some colourful language isn't going to send us into a swoon. We may well just use it ourselves (shock horror).

2chocolateoranges · 28/05/2026 09:39

I wouldn’t have anyone swearing at my children and I wouldn’t swear at children however for me swear words are just words, I do use them at times and don’t have a problem with people saying them around me, as long as there are no children present.

im from Glasgow and worked in old man’s pubs for years, I heard a few new swear words while working! 😂

NorthFacingGardener · 28/05/2026 09:40

Women are adults.. so that’s part is fine theoretically. Although if you really don’t like it and find it uncomfortable then if he was considerate he could try to tone it down. But as a general rule it’s quite old fashioned to not swear in front of ladies.

In front of young kids though, definitely not acceptable. And calling a child a little shit is not okay at all, even in a jokey way.

Honestly it does my head in how horrible behaviour is passed off by men as “banter”.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 28/05/2026 09:40

I wouldn’t like anyone swearing at a child.

But I don’t see any reason whatsoever why “I’ve had a shit day” would be ok to say to a man but not a woman.