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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be shocked by swearing in front of kids and wife

130 replies

shockedwifeanim · 28/05/2026 08:55

I’m from a different culture to my husband, and I genuinely don’t know if this is just a British cultural difference or whether other people would also find it inappropriate.

Where I grew up, men simply did not swear in front of women or children. Men might swear privately with male friends, but if a child or woman entered the room, the language would immediately stop. Even teenage boys would correct each other if younger siblings were around.

My husband is British, and over time he’s become much more casual with swearing at home. Things like:
“I had a shit day”
“My fucking belt broke”
etc.

He also occasionally says things like “you little shit” or “piss off” to our pre-school daughter in a joking/annoyed way.

What shocks me isn’t even the words themselves, adults swear where I’m from too, it’s the fact it’s done so casually around children and family. I’ve also never heard my parents raise their voices at each other, whereas he can at our daughter (if she’s done something wrong, won’t get ready fast enough, broke something) or me (in an argument) so the whole atmosphere feels very harsh to me when he is in argument mode.

Before anyone asks why I married him: when we were dating/engaged he genuinely did not speak like this around me. I think once we got married and he became comfortable, his normal way of speaking came out more.

He thinks I’m overly sensitive and that this is just normal British behaviour. I find it coarse and honestly quite shocking every time I hear it. It’s never abusive and he’ll apologise the next day but it just seems so bizzare and striking to me whenever I hear it.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle · 28/05/2026 12:14

TorroFerney · 28/05/2026 12:09

Tell my husband. When I was pregnant he told a bloke off for swearing in front of me!

Aren't you normally supposed to line it up as "Don't you swear/fart/whatever before my wife" as an archaic alternative to 'in front of' - to invite the response "I'm so sorry - I didn't know that it was her turn" Grin

Hippout · 28/05/2026 12:14

In all fairness to the people saying he’s abusive it depends on the tone. Telling her to piss off/calling her a little shit in a jokey tone or angry.

I don’t agree with bad language in front of kids but I’ve heard people jokingly call their kids bastards and little shits as a joke like how some people say “cheeky monkey” again not a fan but it’s very different from saying it with anger

TomatoSandwiches · 28/05/2026 12:16

It's not an aspect of British culture, it's a lack of manners and respect for your loved ones. We are British and my husband has genuinely never raised his voice at me and never sworn at either myself or our children.

When you were dating this man did you visit his family and witness how they communicated with each other?

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 28/05/2026 12:17

Not a British thing, your DH thing!

Hippout · 28/05/2026 12:19

Hippout · 28/05/2026 12:14

In all fairness to the people saying he’s abusive it depends on the tone. Telling her to piss off/calling her a little shit in a jokey tone or angry.

I don’t agree with bad language in front of kids but I’ve heard people jokingly call their kids bastards and little shits as a joke like how some people say “cheeky monkey” again not a fan but it’s very different from saying it with anger

I had to cut off a mum friend because she’d jokingly call her primary school age son a cunt. Completely harmlessly ie as I say the equivalent of saying “cheeky monkey” in tone.
But she’d talk like that in front of my kid and I can’t deal with the embarrassment of my kid starting to talk like that

DavidStopActingLikeADisgruntledPelican · 28/05/2026 12:23

I think YABU to equate swearing in general like: “I’ve had a shit day” as being the same as swearing at a child/calling a child a horrible word. Swearing in front of another adult, including women, is not on the same level as swearing in front of children, it just isn’t. I’m British born and swearing doesn’t really bother me, I swear plenty. Out of interest, what culture are you from OP where it’s considered really bad form to swear in front of women?

omghereistrouble · 28/05/2026 12:26

my parents never swore at home or out or in the car. It is to me downright rude especially in front of or to children

tealandteal · 28/05/2026 12:27

My husband and I will swear if front of each other but not in front of the children. Your daughter will repeat those words in school/preschool/nursery.

You need to have a think about what you find acceptable and then have a discussion with him. Eg we need to not swear in front of the children or I don’t like it when you swear please try not to when I am here. Obviously if he drops a piano on his foot or something then you can forgive him.

ToadRage · 28/05/2026 12:40

I do think its fairly normal in Britain, doesn't make it right. I do not swear often, only for effect if I am really cross and never in front of children. However it seems swearing has behind more normalised and my husband does so just in normal conversation.

FrankSinatraonToast · 28/05/2026 13:02

He also occasionally says things like “you little shit” or “piss off” to our pre-school daughter in a joking/annoyed way.

Do you challenge him about this? That's unacceptable.

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle · 28/05/2026 13:36

Hippout · 28/05/2026 12:14

In all fairness to the people saying he’s abusive it depends on the tone. Telling her to piss off/calling her a little shit in a jokey tone or angry.

I don’t agree with bad language in front of kids but I’ve heard people jokingly call their kids bastards and little shits as a joke like how some people say “cheeky monkey” again not a fan but it’s very different from saying it with anger

The tone might make a little difference - in the same way as somebody punching you in the face and leaving you temporarily unconscious is 'better' than them murdering you - but it's wholly unacceptable abuse to do that to a child.

In fact, you could even argue that it's the other way around (and it's a phenomenally low bar already), as at least calling your child a nasty, offensive thing in anger communicated the negativity of it to them; whereas if you call them a nasty name in a (supposedly) affectionate way, you're really setting them up for a fall when they later call it somebody else, mistakenly believing it to be a friendly term.

Yes, I know that children are challenging and can be very infuriating; but who forced you to have them at all, if they mean nothing more to you than a target for your anger and nastiness?

MeltyMomenrs · 28/05/2026 13:41

I think I'll wait to see if the OP returns to her thread before wasting my time.

lebin · 28/05/2026 14:10

I’m British but grew up in a house that didn’t swear (unless really angry). My dad was very much the same as your parents - found it very vulgar to swear around women and children. My mum always thought it was unladylike. I’m the same - I don’t use swear words in day to day conversation, but my partner does and I hate it! I had a serious talk with him about it before having children as it would genuinely really upset me hearing my young child swear - I think they only stay sweet and innocent for such a short time! He’s completely turned it off at home now thankfully!

Withthe2Ls · 28/05/2026 14:13

Me & my husband both swear very frequently including around our children but we are both very intentionally that swearing at people is never ok

Jk987 · 28/05/2026 14:15

I absolutely hate it too.

GreatThingsAwait · 28/05/2026 14:16

I’ve never heard two of my adult kids swear. They’ve heard me swear and we aren’t at all an uptight family but they just don’t swear. We can watch tv shows with loads of swearing or sex or whatever. I think it’s cool that they don’t swear.

KrazyKatty · 28/05/2026 14:16

Don’t ever come to Ireland if you’re shocked by the level of casual swearing. My (female) best friend would scare you to death as swearing is part of her normal discourse.

BillieWiper · 28/05/2026 14:19

Swearing in front of little kids should be avoided but the notion one should not swear in front of women is outdated and bizarre. Plenty of women swear. Do you think their poor delicate ears can't cope with someone saying 'I had a fucking shit day'?!

Bubblebathbefore8 · 28/05/2026 14:21

I don’t swear in front of children or my Mum. I thought that’s what everyone did?

if swear in front of your DC you are setting them up for issues at school and/or play dates at other people’s houses. I wouldn’t host a sweary child, if you swear in front of your children expect them to swear

Harry12345 · 28/05/2026 14:23

OttersOnAPlane · 28/05/2026 11:26

It honestly wouldn't bother me.

My parents would tell me to piss off, but it was always on a jokey and affectionate way, not in anger or frustration. It's a cultural thing, doesn't upset me in the slightest.

Yeah my Scottish granny called us wee shites while laughing if we did something cheeky, never felt anything but love from her

nannyoffour · 28/05/2026 14:23

I am shocked when I hear people talking on their mobiles and using foul language while holding their children's hand, and/or with their children in pushchairs.

Excited101 · 28/05/2026 14:26

I’m British, I swear. My husband is also British. Neither of us would ever call DS a little shit- that’s absolutely disgusting. Nor would I tolerate any other adult calling him that. Horrible language to use at a child.

Goatsarebest · 28/05/2026 14:35

KrazyKatty · 28/05/2026 14:16

Don’t ever come to Ireland if you’re shocked by the level of casual swearing. My (female) best friend would scare you to death as swearing is part of her normal discourse.

I'm in Ireland and it's not shocking, is it. It's just background blah. It lost any shock value or meaning years ago in the communities where it is prevalent.

ImpatientlyWaitingForSummer · 28/05/2026 14:37

Regardless of sex, swearing in front of a susceptible child is an absolutely no go for me and if someone did it in my house I’d tell them to stop. I have friends that swear in front of their children and no surprise, their young children also do it. I also hate lazy swearing when someone will drop a “fuck” or “fucking” in a perfectly normal sentence. Why?! Adults contextually swearing in front of each other doesn’t bother me, neither men nor women, I’ll say to my partner if we’re alone, “I’m so pissed off”, or “god this is so shit”, so I’m not against swearing but the two that I don’t like are in front of children and when it’s completely unnecessary. That’s my two pence 😂

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