To be shocked by swearing in front of kids and wife

[shockedwifeanim]

I’m from a different culture to my husband, and I genuinely don’t know if this is just a British cultural difference or whether other people would also find it inappropriate.

Where I grew up, men simply did not swear in front of women or children. Men might swear privately with male friends, but if a child or woman entered the room, the language would immediately stop. Even teenage boys would correct each other if younger siblings were around.

My husband is British, and over time he’s become much more casual with swearing at home. Things like:
“I had a shit day”
“My fucking belt broke”
etc.

He also occasionally says things like “you little shit” or “piss off” to our pre-school daughter in a joking/annoyed way.

What shocks me isn’t even the words themselves, adults swear where I’m from too, it’s the fact it’s done so casually around children and family. I’ve also never heard my parents raise their voices at each other, whereas he can at our daughter (if she’s done something wrong, won’t get ready fast enough, broke something) or me (in an argument) so the whole atmosphere feels very harsh to me when he is in argument mode.

Before anyone asks why I married him: when we were dating/engaged he genuinely did not speak like this around me. I think once we got married and he became comfortable, his normal way of speaking came out more.

He thinks I’m overly sensitive and that this is just normal British behaviour. I find it coarse and honestly quite shocking every time I hear it. It’s never abusive and he’ll apologise the next day but it just seems so bizzare and striking to me whenever I hear it.

Am I being unreasonable?

I would 100% not tolerate someone speaking to my child like this.

No it is not a British culture to swear in front of children especially young.children, I never heard my Grandparents or my parents utter a single swear word ever,while they were alive , my husband family also,so we definetly never used swear words around children because we dont swear. Im sure my now just in to adult sons swear with friends but they never use foul language in front of us,and im sure they wont in front of their children. Hope that is very clear to you,your husband needs to check himself.

Swearing was much less acceptable in general when I was growing up, in the 1960s.

I remember a holiday job I had in the 1970s where one of the cleaners was a man who couldn’t get a sentence out without “fuck” somewhere in it, often several times. Not expressing anger or anything, really. It seemed bizarre. No one else I met spoke like that.

Minor swearing may have been a male working-class thing to some extent, but none of my working-class relatives swore in front of children as far as I knew.

I still find it a bit stressful if someone near me is swearing a lot. It still sounds hostile and aggressive.

I am a woman - I swear with freinds but not at them. So I would never say to someone - You are a shit but I might say - Oh I've had a shit day. I work in an all female team and there is plenty of swearing. But I've never sworn at my kids and didn't swear at all around them til they were teens. My parents swore a bit in front of me and my brother but again never at us.

I'm not offended by swearing within my relationship. I will swear in some social contexts of I judge it would be acceptable. I hear swearing occasionally in social situations and at work. However I have always tried very hard not to swear in front of my children and I really disapprove of others do it around them. There's just no need. And I would be appalled if DH said those things to our daughter.

This is rough and not normal, the use of the swearing doesn’t sound nice either. Especially to such a young child and for everyday normal stuff happening. Just no. In England we definitely avoid it in front of children until they are older say 14/15 onwards. By then they’ll come across it and know how we use it occasionally and certainly not as standard every day language.

My mum used to tell me that in her days, males
would never swear in front of females. Women never smoked in the street and men always walked on the outside of the pavement.
What I really hate is when small children f and blind and their parents think it’s hilarious .

When I was young men never swore in front of women or children. I think women swearing came in with Women's Lib - we mistakenly thought it was a sign of equality.I still find it unpleasant to hear people routinely swear, especially women (!). It sets a bad example to children. I would expect teachers not to allow it and to punish it, but I fear I am being very old-fashioned.

This is not normal.
He is very rough and hence his language is awful.
I don't know anyone who speaks like that to or in front of their children.

Adults may swear privately among friends but definitely not around children.

You married a rough uncouth man.
Your poor children.

I wouldn't tolerate this language towards my children, consider it abusive.

You have seriously married down.

Being sworn around 'had a shit day' Vs being sworn at ' you're a bitch' very different things. 1st one fine around you're wife 2nd one unacceptable. Around young children should be avoided if possible but if you've stubbed your toe or momentary lapse then not to be worked up about tbh

You are not being unreasonable. Tell him to stop.

I’m British and my husband is British. I come from a family where swearing amongst adults is uncommon but can happen, he comes from a family where it would never ever happen. Different families can vary quite a lot. Even those Brits I know who swear a lot in general would try to avoid swearing in front of kids so it wouldn’t be unreasonable for you to ask him to stop.

I am British and I was bought up with adults not swearing in public / in front of children / basically anyone except possibly at work. Once you left work you also gained a verbal filter.
sadly I have noticed over the past few years thus has worn off from quite a few people and personally I find it crass and rather boring when there are so many more humorous ways of explaining things.

I don't mind, so long as it's not directed at a person (with the exception of the example "wee shites" type thing above).

I swear around my children, and now they're older teens, they occasionally do swear. They didn't when they were little children, because they understood that like alcohol and smoking, there are some things they aren't allowed to do.

They - and my husband - do occasionally get asked to tone it down a bit when they've gone off on one for whatever reason.

I don't have an issue with people swearing a couple of times a day but I hate it when its every other word

I think a lot of old values have fallen by the wayside. My Dad never swore infront of women and children and he was in the police and played rugby so he was a mans man.
But ive never sworn infront of my children and they didn't swear infront of me. They're now adults and we say the odd word but rarely and we would never say harsh words.
My sons girlfriend swears a lot and were always pulling her up on it but she says that's what her family are like. Were not.
Your husband needs to stop speaking to your daughter like that, joking or not. Its horrible, disrespectful and hes teaching her poor behaviour.

It’s quite cultural and regional, I personally wouldn’t swear in front of children and my dc (now adults) know there’s 3 levels of language, workplace/school, family and Nanna, nanna language is squeaky clean!!!

Candidly, this has to do with upbringing and decency. I find it completely unacceptable and I call it out every single time my husband uses bad language in front of the children. It has no place. I also won’t have the children swearing.

Unacceptable I don’t swear and it makes me squirm people using the “F” word in casual conversation - we never swore ln my family - I hate it !

My parents have never sworn in front of me. I would describe myself as being from a work class British background.

I would definitely pull your husband up on it, and don't let him say it's just a British thing.

I'm like you. I find swearing just so entrenched in British people that they don't notice when they do it. You hear it in the street, at work, in every public place there is. People seem to think it makes them look "authentic " ( what you see is what you get sort of thing) and maybe sometimes for some "tough". It always makes me think people using this way of talking are angry all the time. Using that sort of language around kids is just wrong. I've heard parents call their kids"c**t" in public ( it made me wonder about their lives behind closed doors, if that's ok in public!). I don't think swearing is innocuous: if used often and as a way of "punctuate" your speech , then you won't notice it anymore and you'll use it in the wrong places around people who shouldn't have to hear it from you. And little ears can hear very well as well.

We didn't swear in front of children when they were little, probably a bit more lax in front of teenagers, but not at them. We definitely swear in front of each other. It's just words.

This is very different where I am swearing is incredibly common and normalised. Kids don’t swear but adults do swear, even within ear shot of children.

Obviously that is very affronting for people who don’t typically swear but so what people do life differently.

No one has the right never to be offended.

That is a very modern invention and it has not brought us on a great trajectory.

I did have a work colleague years ago who moved here from abroad who tried to push higher standards on to the people around her around swearing in her presence. We worked in construction so you can maybe imagine how that went down.

People found her very controlling and didn’t warm to her, she in turn thought everyone was racist towards her which was massively ironic because she was as actually racist and anti semitic as they come.

No. It’s not okay and it’s not normal. Swearing is aggressive. Swearing at your family is not okay either.

Don’t fall for the “we swear all the time” in our house. A nasty household definitely has swearing at child in it. A kind one does not.

Btw it used to be accepted that men swore but moderated their language at home. If your husband can’t do that, then he’s being aggressive.