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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be shocked by swearing in front of kids and wife

130 replies

shockedwifeanim · 28/05/2026 08:55

I’m from a different culture to my husband, and I genuinely don’t know if this is just a British cultural difference or whether other people would also find it inappropriate.

Where I grew up, men simply did not swear in front of women or children. Men might swear privately with male friends, but if a child or woman entered the room, the language would immediately stop. Even teenage boys would correct each other if younger siblings were around.

My husband is British, and over time he’s become much more casual with swearing at home. Things like:
“I had a shit day”
“My fucking belt broke”
etc.

He also occasionally says things like “you little shit” or “piss off” to our pre-school daughter in a joking/annoyed way.

What shocks me isn’t even the words themselves, adults swear where I’m from too, it’s the fact it’s done so casually around children and family. I’ve also never heard my parents raise their voices at each other, whereas he can at our daughter (if she’s done something wrong, won’t get ready fast enough, broke something) or me (in an argument) so the whole atmosphere feels very harsh to me when he is in argument mode.

Before anyone asks why I married him: when we were dating/engaged he genuinely did not speak like this around me. I think once we got married and he became comfortable, his normal way of speaking came out more.

He thinks I’m overly sensitive and that this is just normal British behaviour. I find it coarse and honestly quite shocking every time I hear it. It’s never abusive and he’ll apologise the next day but it just seems so bizzare and striking to me whenever I hear it.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Derpytiger · 28/05/2026 09:40

I will swear when I'm around my dh or friends (never AT them as that's extremely rude) but I have never sworn around my children, except once by accident when I got a shock as someone almost crashed into us in the car. I think swearing at or in front of children is disgraceful.

StretchingShantyJugg · 28/05/2026 09:41

Gillygallygosh123 · 28/05/2026 09:38

What is your culture? It sounds lovely

I'm guilty of swearing around people ( not at them though )

Edited

Jesus. Freedom to vs freedom from, anyone?

Finaly · 28/05/2026 09:42

Where I am swearing is quite common and I can be a bit sweary at times as can DH but I didn't swear around my kids when they were younger and I didn't swear at them either.

I don't swear at people and generally just swear around people I know well or when I'm alone - mostly FFS at things not working etc, bloody hell etc. Most people I know are the same and will modify their language around children and strangers.

I feel you may be a bit oversensitive thinking that men shouldn't swear in front of women as though it's the 1950's and they'll be horrified and clutching their pearls at hearing sweary words. I do agree with you that he shouldn't be swearing at a young child.

Gillygallygosh123 · 28/05/2026 09:42

StretchingShantyJugg · 28/05/2026 09:41

Jesus. Freedom to vs freedom from, anyone?

What?

stackhead · 28/05/2026 09:43

I think it's down to personal preference. I swear like a sailor, it's just part of my vocabulary, they're just words to me and I don't find them offensive. I do swear in front of my children, but they (well older DD) is aware that she's not allowed to repeat them because they're grown up words.

I think automatically calling someone abusive for swearing at children is pearl clutching. It all depends on context. I don't call my children little shits, but I have called them poo heads - literally no difference in meaning.

I will caveat that I do moderate my swearing around people I don't know very well, and obviously at work.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 28/05/2026 09:45

I think it's more a generation thing. We swear at home now the kids are teens but the kids understand that as a respect thing they don't, and not in front of us/ grandparents/ teachers while.they're still kids. I don't swear in front of my parents.....I would not swear at my kids though.

ainsleysanob · 28/05/2026 09:48

Oaksandapples · 28/05/2026 09:37

We follow this same rule.

We do swear, even around the children. They are just words. Sometimes the children swear (my girl will occasionally exclaim "shit!" If she drops something on her toe) but we never swear at each other (no "you little shit" or "arsehole" here) and that is a strict rule.

Exactly the same for us.

BudgetBuster · 28/05/2026 09:49

My British husband swears like a sailor. He doesn't swear AT me or the kids, but he certainly swears constantly around us. He might say things like "Ah the weather is shit for the week" or "I For fuck sake, I forgot to get milk"

I often count his swears words in a conversation and he can't believe that he's cursed that much. I try to get him to tone it down around the kids, especially the toddler who repeats everything!

But he'd never call the kids Little Shits or tell them to Piss Off.... and I wouldn't stand for that if he did. That's not affectionate or cultural, that's just bully boy behaviour.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 28/05/2026 09:49

That is the problem with marrying someone from a different culture.

If I met your husband I would know from his social background what he is likely to be like when the honeymoon period is over because I am British.

Unfortunately, you would not have been able to tell as you are not British.

Jellox · 28/05/2026 09:51

Obviously swearing isn’t great but it’s often not seen as something offensive in Britain.

We swear at people in an endearing way.
We might not swear at a stranger or our boss but we would at our best mate type thing.

The broken belt example would be very common.

I think there is a line about swearing at kids.
Ones that are too young to understand is fine but if they’re older then it’s not great and it’s the tone that’s used - if it’s said in anger then it’s never good.

I do remember a thread about a woman putting her middle finger up behind her kid and being embarrassed about other school parents seeing it but then multiple other women said they do the same.
So I think it’s a lot more common than we think.

Swearing is very normalised in Britain and it is no big deal and can be seen as affectionate.
But I do think we sometimes need to remember to limit it and I would talk to your DH about how it makes you feel and that you’d prefer he keeps it to a minimum.

Bobloblawww · 28/05/2026 10:03

Swearing about something = ok

Swearing about someone = not ok

southofscotland · 28/05/2026 10:11

I swear in front of my partner and friends my age but never in front of children and rarely around my parents. I use swear words for emphasis but I would never make it personal or use them when I’m angry at someone (e.g I’d say ‘I can’t be fucked’ to do something but I’d never tell anyone I care about to ‘fuck off’).
I think less of people who swear ‘at’ partners/friends/family and I wouldn’t tolerate it directed at me.

Indianajet · 28/05/2026 10:13

There are some swear words I find totally unacceptable, and my late husband and adult sons would never use them in front of me.
I almost never swear - I was brought up by parents who never swore and it has stuck with me. On the odd occasion I do, it is more satisfying as it is so rare!
I have also been known to ask other people not to swear , particularly if my grandchildren are with me.
If that makes me old fashioned, I am happy with that.

LarksAscending · 28/05/2026 10:36

It’s a cultural difference - men and women are equal. Why wouldn’t my husband swear in front of me? I swear? My ears aren’t delicate flowers. Women aren’t kids.

Most people don’t swear in front of children so they don’t repeat it.

What culture are you from where nobody shouts and women can’t hear bad words?

Wecanbeheroes26 · 28/05/2026 10:51

I don't love it. Unfortunately I think that language has become so entrenched in everyday vocabulary that for most people it's "normal".

BauhausOfEliott · 28/05/2026 10:54

Swearing in front of women really depends on generation I think. Women aren't more delicate than men and British women of my generation are probably as likely to swear as British men are, but my father (born in the 1940s) and grandfathers (born in the 1910s) didn't swear in front of women, ever. They came from a working class, London background and would certainly have sworn around men but never in front of women. My grandfather used to tell other men off for swearing if there were women present.

But these days it's very normal and women also swear. I swear as much as my partner does.

Swearing in front of children is generally considered less acceptable, although it really depends on the tone and the situation. Most people wouldn't think it was appropriate to swear at a young child in anger. Some people would think it was OK to swear within earshot of their children. But generally I think most people try to avoid it.

Generally speaking, there's a huge difference between swearing in front of someone and swearing AT someone. My own partner and I both swear in front of each other all the time - eg one of us might say something like 'Urrgh, this fucking headache is driving me mad' or 'That man is such an arsehole' but we would never, ever tell each other to 'fuck off' or say 'You're an arsehole', ever.

Bitzee · 28/05/2026 11:04

Swearing about things is pretty acceptable in the UK for men and women. For fucks sake what’s wrong with my laptop, where are the copies of that bloody presentation, that meeting was a shitshow - these all phrases I’ve heard at work this week. Swearing AT someone is never ok really. If it’s a preschool then even worse, honestly I’d consider it verbal abuse.

Jellox · 28/05/2026 11:11

LarksAscending · 28/05/2026 10:36

It’s a cultural difference - men and women are equal. Why wouldn’t my husband swear in front of me? I swear? My ears aren’t delicate flowers. Women aren’t kids.

Most people don’t swear in front of children so they don’t repeat it.

What culture are you from where nobody shouts and women can’t hear bad words?

I work with mostly men and they all try not to swear in front of me.

They’ll apologise for their language when they do.

I definitely think there is a level of respect when it comes to most men, even in this country (obviously this is becoming less and less).

But when you’re in a relationship or friends with someone then I don’t think not swearing = respect.

Usually for me, the more I like you, the more I swear at you 😂

Goatsarebest · 28/05/2026 11:12

'They are just words'
Except we don't use them in front of our children, or work colleagues, or boss, or parents or grandparents. Why is this, then? Because they are offensive and people know this and also show a lack of imagination. Next time your boss asks you to do something respond 'For fucks sake, I have enough to do'
The continued use of swear words in conversation renders them meaningless because the whole point is they are meant to be used in an extreme situation to portray an extreme emotion.
I don't find it offensive when someone is swearing all the time. It's meaningless.
The three times I heard my mum swear in 58 years, now that did have an impact.

Error404FucksNotFound · 28/05/2026 11:13

Its not ok to tell your child to piss off or call them a little shit.

When your child starts swearing (and they will) what will he do? Laugh? Get cross? Ask him.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/05/2026 11:15

I think its a cultural thing tbh - there are definitely loving parents who call their kids little shits

Wouldn't bother me, as long as he wasn't swearing in restaurants etc

Bleachedjeans · 28/05/2026 11:16

Calling a pre school child a ‘little shit’ or telling her to ‘piss off” is horrendous. It’s not acceptable or normal. It is low life behaviour. You need to put a stop to that immediately.

basoon · 28/05/2026 11:16

I'm Irish. We are very sweary and I like it like that. I wouldn't call my child a little shit though.

Bleachedjeans · 28/05/2026 11:19

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/05/2026 11:15

I think its a cultural thing tbh - there are definitely loving parents who call their kids little shits

Wouldn't bother me, as long as he wasn't swearing in restaurants etc

Really? Calling a child a ‘little shit’ sounds pretty bad to me. And I’m pretty broad minded and I swear! ( not in front of of children) but directly calling small children names like that just doesn’t sit well with me.

Malasana · 28/05/2026 11:20

I don’t think that swearing around or at children is acceptable.

However, women are not children and it’s weird that you’re lumping them in the same category.

To add, I’m a woman and I swear - sometimes a lot!