To not let DH go to this woman’s house?

[Fellohesh]

A couple of months ago, we went out with some friends who all met up at our house before leaving together to go to town. Before they arrived, DH put his jacket on but I didn’t think it matched the outfit and I also just didn’t think it was very nice in general. I told him so but he said he likes it so he’s wearing it.

When everyone arrived, one of the women said “what’s going on with your outfit?” to DH, and he asked why she didn’t like it. She said something about the jacket and DH disappeared upstairs and came down wearing a new one and said “is that better?”. I felt hurt at the time that he didn’t value my opinion but cared about what she thought of him. The next day I asked if he fancied her, to which he replied “she’s attractive” I said if we weren’t together would he ask her out and he said maybe (the convo was longer of course but I’m trying to keep this short and give the gist).

He came home from work yesterday saying this same woman is training to be a hairdresser and has offered to cut his hair for free while she practices. He has thick wavy hair and gets a scissor cut so it’s not just a simple trim with the clippers. However, she doesn’t have a salon or anything as she isn’t qualified so it would be at her house. AIBU to say no to this?

There's also boundaries.

Married women who get a crush on someone - OMG, OMG , OMG, the guilt, call Dsis, call BFF, call the church !!!!

Married men when they get a crush on someone - DARVO, Deny Deny Deny, Yawn, nothing to look at here bro

I think it’s rude that two of you criticised a grown man’s clothing. I think by the time a second person says something looks bad you realise you should take it off. You hurt his feelings so he hurt yours after with the attractive comments.

Suggest she comes to yours to do it so you can be there.

Some posters have said that what if the genders were reversed? Well to be honest if they were reversed here I'd say that the dh should just accept it was done because for his wife to want to do this it's clear she's not interested any more.

BUT men are different: they can love their wives and still want a 'bit on the side' .

So they cheat and in every bloody instance I know of they've tried to make it up to their wives who. understandably, won't have it.
Then they go with the 'bit on the side' who thinks she's won.

They'll cheat because an OPPORTUNITY has presented itself.
I don't think that as a rule women do this.
Frankly, any woman who wants to go for that haircut has ALREADY checked out and the dh may as well just leave.

So it seems wise to me for women to nip it in the bud before an otherwise good marriage is ruined.

Disagree? Fine. This is aibu.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. You were likely picking up on something. Sounds like there was a level of familiarity with this woman that you didn’t expect and you could feel the connection. This led you to ask questions that you didn’t really want to know the answer to but you wanted him to reassure you. Instead it made your fears worse.

Sounds like she’s interested in him and has made an excuse to get him alone. You shouldn’t feel bad for saying it would make you uncomfortable. But ultimately you should leave it up to him to decide. If he decides to put someone else above your feelings then you know he’s not to be trusted.

There have been a few threads recently where husbands have started emotional affairs in plain sight and the wives thought they were being unreasonable questioning things that felt ‘off’ only to discover they unwittingly missed chances to prevent it developing. Trust your instincts!

It is not the same. Men behave badly in marriage MUCH more frequently than women do. They need to be on shorter leashes than women do, imho, and I don't care how sexist that sounds. It's reality. Not for all men, but for many.

Sort of agree.
Men are more likely to screw up an otherwise good marriage for a fling.
If a woman has a fling then there's no marriage left to mess up because it is already messed up for her to do it in the first place.

Like I said, if the genders were reversed here, I'd say to the dh that he may as well just leave. It's done. mate. Sorry.

A human being who is married and should know better!

Same here.

Has he asked you or told you? If he’s asked you could say no but to “not allow” him smacks of control.
Why don’t you offer to take him there and wait while he has a hair cut? You could suggest you both go out for a meal afterwards while he is looking especially smart.

Sounds about right to me.
The ridiculous line of questioning just sounded like insecurity and madness; and now this says she doesn't trust him.
Overreaction all round.

Disagree. When someone is married to you, in a romantic and sexual sense they ARE your possession. Hence "my" husband/wife. You're supposed to forsake all others, so therefore they belong "only unto you" when it comes to that side of life. Each belongs to the other.

Oh, brilliant! I LOVE this! 🤣🤣🤣🤭

@Fellohesh These threads always confuse me because there seems to be a narrative that women randomly try to pull married men away from their wives.

Surely everyone on mumsnet knows that this very rarely happens in reality?

As a single man, I can tell you that there are women who act friendly, but that doesn't mean they're attracted to me. There are virtually no women who would go after me, or any of the other single men I know. So I imagine with married men, there would be even fewer women going after those men.

All this woman has done really is offered to cut his hair. I've had my hair cut by women too.

Men in shorter leashes. What an absolutely dreadful thing to say. I sometimes wonder if women on these threads know what equality, trust and mutual respect in a marriage actually mean.

Surely you’re not that naive!

But a “shorter leash” to go with that metaphor will simply snap if you try to tighten it.

If a man wants to cheat he will find a way. No amount of “nipping in the bud” or shortening of the leash or reading of the riot act will stop that. It will just create friction, make you paranoid and lose your dignity.

There is only one solution to a cheating spouse and that’s to leave (or make him leave).

Even if you believe that, you still cannot force someone not to cheat.

Uh oh. A few years ago, a friend bought a new summer dress. She came into the room to show it off to me, her husband and his best mate. Her hubby said he LOVED the dress and it made her look so pretty. The best mate said "god no, its kind of frumpy." She went off to change it and looked like she had been crying when she came back. The next day, she took the dress back. A few months later, she left her husband for his best friend and I can't say I was that surprised.

I would nip this in the bud, if it isn't already too late.

You are being controlling same as a man trying it

You don't own another person

I could probably count on one hand the number of times a woman has "made a move" on me, so to speak.

And I'm single, so that number is going to be far, far lower for married men (obviously women are going to find single men more attractive because they are available).