To not let DH go to this woman’s house?

[Fellohesh]

A couple of months ago, we went out with some friends who all met up at our house before leaving together to go to town. Before they arrived, DH put his jacket on but I didn’t think it matched the outfit and I also just didn’t think it was very nice in general. I told him so but he said he likes it so he’s wearing it.

When everyone arrived, one of the women said “what’s going on with your outfit?” to DH, and he asked why she didn’t like it. She said something about the jacket and DH disappeared upstairs and came down wearing a new one and said “is that better?”. I felt hurt at the time that he didn’t value my opinion but cared about what she thought of him. The next day I asked if he fancied her, to which he replied “she’s attractive” I said if we weren’t together would he ask her out and he said maybe (the convo was longer of course but I’m trying to keep this short and give the gist).

He came home from work yesterday saying this same woman is training to be a hairdresser and has offered to cut his hair for free while she practices. He has thick wavy hair and gets a scissor cut so it’s not just a simple trim with the clippers. However, she doesn’t have a salon or anything as she isn’t qualified so it would be at her house. AIBU to say no to this?

👏👏👏

I bet that applies to many on here, but they’d never admit it!

The jacket thing is a weird detail but why on earth did he admit to find her attractive? And why did you ask?
I would not be happy with the hair cut situation but I’d be most upset by him saying he liked her in the first place. I wouldn’t ask because I wouldn’t want to know.

Can i get the idea what this jacket was? Also how two completely different women disliked the same jacket on a man??

You’re not being unreasonable. I would hate it too. Honestly I would have said no, not felt bad and actually it probably would have annoyed me that he asked. But if you do feel bad, you could explain to him how uncomfortable it makes you feel but that he can go ahead if he likes…then watch what he does.

Simple, get her to come to your house. As you've said she uses a pair of scissors so I'm confident you can provide a suitable stool/chair and a mirror.

Just as aside, I'm not sure I have ever commented on a bloke's outfit unless it was a Christmas jumper or something. It just feels a bit too personal.

You wouldn’t “ allow it”? That is exceptionally controlling behaviour. I assume you wouldn’t have a problem with a man telling his wife who she could or couldn’t associate with then. No one would be telling me if I was allowed to go to someone’s house regardless of being married. There’s either trust or their isn’t. If not then you have big problems.

I wouldn’t want her coming to my house. The atmosphere would be awful, and it wouldn’t prevent them going behind your back. I’d be sending her a message to keep away.

It’s not actually about the jacket!

I wouldn’t. If someone offered me a free hair cut I’d bite their hand off.

I'm not sure why some people think it's wrong to tell their partner not to go.

"I don't want you going to Jane's house alone under the pretext of a haircut. If you don't see what's wrong with that we have a problem, so let's talk about it now."

"John, I find Adam attractive. It you and I weren't together I'd shag him. He is re-training as a massage therapist and has invited me to his flat for a practice session."

No one would find it ok unless they were checked out of the marriage.

Well put!

Phooof! Break out the air freshener!!

Something smells really off about this one ... She is way out of line and he is even further out of order. He doesn't even seem awkward about it.

Find a gorgeous guy who is opening a bikini waxing salon ... and needs to practice.

She's cheeky because he has given her the green light. He has communicated, by hanging on her words, that she matters and that she can ignore the wife.

I am not a jealous person and I would not like this either OP- she sounds pretty brazen and obvious about liking your husband. And he sounds like his head is being turned

And no one should ever be in a position of jealousy or insecurity in a marriage. People who value their marriages don't put themselves in potentially/compromising situations and they shut down comments and attention that could lead to that. Marriage, like any relationship a person cares about needs to be nurtured and protected. It's not "one and done." If not tended to it will unravel.

I would go to her house, offer to give her a fucking haircut and snatch her bald! Don't let people her shame you into ignoring your instincts. She can cut any mans hair.

I don’t know why I asked really… I guess curiosity to see what he would say? I have never asked him that before about anyone. I had just never known him to care about what people think before, and my gut was telling me something, and I wanted to know if I was right

I think if your spidey senses are tingling, you’re right to worry. I can tell when my partner is attracted to someone and I think he can tell when I’m attracted to someone too, but it rarely happens (for us) but it’s best to not facilitate a situation where he might be tempted. If he wants to cheat he will but don’t allow it to happen by being chill about this. It’s odd.

I’m usually totally fine with opposite sex friendships but this is a total no go. He’s told you he’s attracted to her and he’d ask her out if he were single! No way!

LTB OP....he should not have ran upstairs and changed his jacket when he did

My first husband stated hanging around with a woman from work. I wasn’t chuffed and he said “but you did say I needed more friends!” They are now married with a daughter and I am also remarried. Simple things can turn bad quickly.