To not let DH go to this woman’s house?

[Fellohesh]

A couple of months ago, we went out with some friends who all met up at our house before leaving together to go to town. Before they arrived, DH put his jacket on but I didn’t think it matched the outfit and I also just didn’t think it was very nice in general. I told him so but he said he likes it so he’s wearing it.

When everyone arrived, one of the women said “what’s going on with your outfit?” to DH, and he asked why she didn’t like it. She said something about the jacket and DH disappeared upstairs and came down wearing a new one and said “is that better?”. I felt hurt at the time that he didn’t value my opinion but cared about what she thought of him. The next day I asked if he fancied her, to which he replied “she’s attractive” I said if we weren’t together would he ask her out and he said maybe (the convo was longer of course but I’m trying to keep this short and give the gist).

He came home from work yesterday saying this same woman is training to be a hairdresser and has offered to cut his hair for free while she practices. He has thick wavy hair and gets a scissor cut so it’s not just a simple trim with the clippers. However, she doesn’t have a salon or anything as she isn’t qualified so it would be at her house. AIBU to say no to this?

They don’t usually go to the trainees house for a haircut. The college they train at have a salon. I used to go as whoever is tutoring them needs to inspect their work. I would be suspicious if he said he’s going to her house. Hairdressers usually go to clients house. Very few trained hairdressers cut hair in their home. I’ve had a few freelance cut mine and DC hair always in our home.

I'm a bit unhappy with the idea that you feel you have the power to 'allow' this or not.

If he wants to cheat, he will find a way. You can’t keep him under lock and key and you can’t control him. Forbid him to go there if you like but it won’t make any difference - if he isn’t to be trusted, then he isn’t.

Me too. But on MN it’s different apparently - men are controlling and women are totally reasonable 🙄

True, but she is likely doing extra cuts for the practice at her place as well as at friend's etc.

It's obv there is a mutual attraction, though. I mean, who just makes a personal comment about the attire of another person's partner like that, then the person changes and asks their approval. At the very least the guy could have said, Ok. My wife has already commented. I see I'm out numbered.
Or something. And made a joke.

You were right to say no

It sounds like him wearing a naff jacket and getting a hair cut are the least of your problems.
let him go - hope he has an affair then you can get rid this woman will make it easier for you to LTB

Did he actually say he fancies her or did he say that she’s attractive? They are very different

Nah, he likes the thrill of the hairdresser trainee. He has a crush on her and it could develop further by the sound of it.

I'd say "oh, that's great that she's cutting your mop for free, you can have it done here and I'll get some nice biscuits in for her to have".

You will know by his answer what the story is.

If she could genuinely do with the practice, there's no earthly reason why she can't come to yours and do it, when you're both home.

But hairdressers usually have mannequin heads to practice on.

I cannot imagine inviting a married man to my house alone. The nerve! And it's a very thin pretext, since she has many other options than giving your husband a free haircut in the privacy of her own home. Going to yours/mannequin as I said, but also inviting him to a model night at the salon where she trains.

Actually, I've just realised, there's no point in cutting his hair at home alone. To learn, she should be doing it in the salon so that the instructor can correct and teach her as she cuts.

I smell a rat, OP. Not your husband - her.

I would honestly make a bit of a fuss. Men need some guidance, and some women need scaring off. A pointed "Don't you have hair mannequins to practise on?" and "Don't you need to be in the salon while you cut, so that the instructor can guide you?" Hell, I'd probably just message her myself and say "Kevin can't make it to your house, but if you have a model night at the salon with an instructor, he'd be happy to help." Then I'd tell him, "I've volunteered you for model nights at her salon!" Men are so obtuse about these things, he wouldn't realise that that means you've kicked her in her not-inconsiderable balls. I would take matters into my own hands. He can't do what he wants; he promised to forsake all others, and a private haircut alone with another woman at her house is not forsaking all others. If he wants to go around falling into honeytraps, he can be a single man.

Stake your claim, OP. I would.

I disagree. He promised to forsake all others, and a private haircut alone in a woman's house with just the two of them is not forsaking all others. They made a commitment, which means they are not free to do as they please in all circs.

Being a Cool Wife gets you nowhere.

You are not being unreasonable.

A couple of things jump out at me… most people would not comment negatively on someone’s outfit if they’d only met a few times - this is overly familiar. Either she knows him better, or was trying to.
She is the sister of his friend’s wife… she has the potential to be around a lot if she wants to be.
if she really wanted to practice a haircut… hey bil, could you ask your mate if I can cut his hair? Or even said it in front of if the whole group. But contacting him on social media was unnecessary (and now of course has opened the channels of communication and likes).
So a discussion is in order, and DH has to really understand (rather than being excited that someone is chasing after him) that any contact with this woman (in person or on social media), and him wanting to persue this contact, has a very negative impact on your marriage, and to think carefully about what a decent husband would do. Because once trust is broken there is no coming back from.

Funnily enough I’ve had a similar situation with my very talented hairdresser… she suggested to my DH that he should train her at the gym (he is not a personal trainer, and was always quickly in and out of the gym due to us having two small children…). It made him uncomfortable and she was not invited back after that.

Would you risk that?

He knows it’s not okay which is why he asked. The fact he has to check shows that he’s quite like to go to her house and they would make me feel really sad.

Er…don’t think so !

I’ve had my hair cut for years at my hairdressers house.

Thanks to @NameChangeMay2026 Marriage has been watered down so much that many don’t seem to grasp what the vows actually mean. From a lot of posts here, marriage sounds no different from long term dating. But in marriage two become one accountable to each other, not in a controlling way, but in a committed, loving union.

This 👆

I’m with the OP- it’s obvious what could happen here! How would the husband feel if the situation was reversed.

Best response!

I think his response to her remark about his jacket was extremely cringe and I would tell him.

I wonder how he would feel if you responded likewise.

I think you need yo have a very frank conversation because if I witnessed that between a couple I was friends with I would think it very off and a red flag as to the health of their marriage.

A woman’s gut feeling is nearly always right Fellofresh so trust it.
I would feel very uncomfortable about this it’s not so much about trust is it with your DH it’s just inappropriate.
And I think this woman’s a cheeky cow asking a married man to her house on his own.

Ask your husband if he thinks the situation would be appropriate!

Exactly I fuckin hate this. If a man on here used that language about his Wife, there wicked be hell. Mumsnet is full of hypocritical man haters.