Okay this is going to be a long post but I am just so mentally exhausted and could really do with some advice.
Some back story: I (American) married my British husband in 2018. I had always told him that I don’t want to permanently settle in the UK, I like the quality of life in America and my family is also there. Unfortunately, we never ended up moving to America. Something which still breaks my heart to this day.
We lived in London for the first year of our marriage I just did not like it. I didn’t like how expensive or congested it was and people were just not friendly. My husband randomly got a job offer for Liverpool and moved there in 2019. We had two beautiful children here and lived a lovely home.
Summer 2025 my husband said that he got a job opportunity in which he could live either in Liverpool or London. We were torn! But then decided to move to London (Aldershot area) in the end. Reasons being, my husband’s family is all there and there is also a really massive Muslim community there, something which was really lacking in Liverpool.
We sold our beautiful house and broke chain to move to London.
The four of us temporarily moved into a tiny one bedroom flat (it was only supposed to be for one month) but our house sale fell through. We were so shocked. We then went for another house. We were meant to move in the first week of January but 4 days before the exchange, it fell through as well. The owners decided they didn’t want to sell anymore. The third time, we went for a new build. It’s going to be ready in July.
Now here is the worst part. The house we are buying is terraced whereas our house in Liverpool was detached. This house is an okay size but obviously smaller than our Liverpool one. I’ve struggled so much in the flat. I wanted to keep my kids in the same school they started at here so it takes me an after house just to get there in the mornings. I spend 2 hours a day doing school runs. All of my belongings and things are in storage. It’s been so hard. All of a sudden now, my husband has come to me and said that he’s miscalculated the finances and we can’t even afford the house we’re buying. He said we’d be paycheck to paycheck IF THAT. He’s now saying to me that why don’t we live with his parents for one year, get financially secure and then move. I can’t tell if he’s doing this because he wants to move back to Liverpool as he literally hates it here. The six years we were in Liverpool, he always used to say he would eventually want to move near his parents. Now that he’s here, he hates it. I would have been happy staying in Liverpool but I knew he wanted to move here and I got sick of trying to stop it from happening. Anyways yeah, after selling our beautiful 4 bedroom home, he’s now saying to me that we should move in with his parents for one year as buying this house would be financially impossible. I have no idea what to do. I’ve recommended we get a smaller house, but mortgage rates have gone up and monthly comes out to be similar. I really don’t want to live with my in-laws. My MIL doesn’t work and can be really overbearing.
I also do not like this area tbh. I loved Liverpool. I loved the friendliness and the convenience and the openness of it. But I’m unsure if we should move back for that reason. Should we stick it out for another few years to see if we end up liking it here? Would buying the house be a bad idea then? After living in a one bedroom flat for a year, would it be worth it to live with my in-laws for ONE YEAR and then just go back? Do I hate it here because of how dead and quiet and expensive it is or do I hate it because of the chaotic year we’ve had? I just don’t know what to do. I’m so upset about everything. I wish I’d never sold my dream home and come here.