AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

I seriously couldn't care what she put in to be honest.

We had something similar when ds1 was in primary and the amount of bitching that went on behind the mums back was absolutely disgusting. Without going into details why, she was a single mum of twins who had come to our are for a fresh start and was struggling and people moaned that she didn't pay for the children to go on the trips. She couldn't afford it, school paid and it was supposed to be confidential but people still talked.
One reason I was glad when my boys finished primary and we had less involvement with mums who wanted to organise everything and then judge other mums who didn't want to do things their way. ( never judged the dad's, funny that!)

I’m a twin mum 🙋🏻‍♀️ I always send a present/card each to friends, etc but I think, twin mum or not, you shouldn’t be stipulating contributions.

We always just ask for donations in our collection, whatever people want to and can afford to contribute.

This. Never come across this in all my years of teaching either. I get the occasional flowers, thank you card or little box of cupcakes. Which is lovely. Never had a collection and never been asked to put into one either (4 kids myself). I do give the Teacher a Costa voucher at the end of term normally. Have a coffee and cake on me type thing £10. No regular classroom assistants so that's all I buy. These things should be completely voluntary and just whatever each family can afford. It's a nice idea and nothing against it but I don't think it's the done thing in my LA and as others have said it has to be declared.

The OP should say - this is a group gift where everyone chips in £10 per child. If you don't want to give this amount per child, please either make your own individual gift or don't make a gift, whatever, but group gift requires £10 per child, end of.

Such a strange question! Do you think when twins go on a school trip, each should buy a ticket or what?

Maybe one of the twins doesn't like the teacher so she's only paying in for the one that does.

I find it baffling that so many are frothing at the mouth about this.

For what it's worth, I'm a twin parent who always contributes equally for both children. But I truly don't care if I put in £20 and others put in £5 or £0. Thankfully I've never come across "gift organisers" like some of you. Just relax.

That's not comparable to a class gift.

And if she says she can afford it OP is £10 up

What?

Who?

I did it several times, and got my child to take the card into school and any child who wanted to could sign it regardless of whether their parent contributed. They usually all did and wrote sweet little messages which probably meant more to the teacher than the M&S voucher or whatever. We just said the card was a thank you card and anyone was welcome to sign it, and when I handed over the gift I always said 'this is from all of us'.

One year I asked the teacher what she wanted as she was someone I got on well with and she ended up with a shitload of Pritt sticks and tissues!

Nobody ever complained! Although maybe some of them just had no idea what was going on, having handed over the money. Maybe that's the best way!

It is you who don't truly care what others put - but believe me, others don't want to be taken advantage of. Nobody is forcing people to join the group, but if they do, there are rules of common decency.

I think you need to let it go now but going forward be more specific with the request. So clearly state £10 per child is suggested. The way you have worded it could suggest £10 per family - semantics but leave no doubt in the request

However ultimately it is up to the parent whether they want to donate and if so how much. Friendly reminders are fine as some do just genuinely forget, but outright pushing or shaming is not OK.

It's been fairly normal for the last 10 years.

The thing with "no one has complained" is that many of the people who genuinely can't afford it are too embarrassed to complain so either opt out (instead of adding a token gesture of what they can afford) or do without essentials to keep up appearances so their child doesn't feel left out.

I know parents who have skipped meals to cover their child's donations at school or so they can do activities with their friends.

I don't think it's taking advantage. I don't believe that parents who pay nothing when I pay £20 are taking advantage of me, or other parents. It is what it is.

I do think it's atrocious to only put a child's name on a card if their parent has paid a certain amount of money - which is totally out of the child's control.

There's no obligation to contribute at all, get a life

The key difference is you chose to have 2 under 2. Lots of parents of multiples don’t choose this, although it’s actually great.

So are you going to choose which twins name goes on the card then?

As a twin Mum, I can absolutely assure you that costs are doubled. Whether you have b/g twins or same sex, you have to pay twice for everything up front and there’s no hand me downs.

If this lady is a doctor then assuming she is hoping her twins will have higher education and is planning for two sets of uni fees, driving lessons etc all at one time.

You never know what anyone’s situation is, a voluntary contribution is just that.

6.5% over 3 years. Unfunded. A decrease in real terms.

I've found twin mums expect a discount on lots of things because it's harder to afford 2 lots of everything,not really twigging the fact that often the service provider (or in this case teacher ) is doing two lots of work.

Not a twin mum but can’t believe some people would expect twins to bring two presents to a party, surely not, I must have misunderstood that 🫣 i would only ever expect one present off of twins invited to one of my kids parties, def not two

Some schools don't even allow teachers to receive high value gifts like this!

We got a collection together last year of food for the food bank instead of collecting money, then got parents to take a photo of their child shopping for it (maths/life lesson!) and we collated the pictures into a thank you card from Moonpig, and got all the kids to write their names so they could be scanned into the card. The teacher was thrilled!

But the teacher is already being paid for their work based on a class of students? Whether that’s 30 kids of non siblings or not. The gift is a “bonus” if you like and based on what many teachers have said on this thread, not expected and not necessary.

And if you’re talking about preschool/nursery years- certainly no discount available for twin parents so your argument falls down here!