AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

It’s really a contribution from one set of parents to the teacher’s collection so unlike with, say, an activity where there is a cost per head I don’t think this is unreasonable at all. I imagine parenting twins is expensive enough without looking for unnecessary ways to spend double. There’s a stronger argument to be made that single parents should pay less than those with two parents, compared to the argument that a parent of twins should pay more. In reality though I’d look at it as a flat rate contribution per family (and I’m not even going to get into the obvious that all of this down to the amount should be voluntary).

THIS

Plenty of parents in that class will be earning less than the teacher and it’s all well and good saying don’t contribute then but who’s kid wants to be left out. And if half contribute and half don’t - the teacher ends up with umpteen small gifts and half a collection - the worst of both worlds. Perhaps if it bugs you so much, you should stop running the collection and either someone else does it or you don’t have one.

This! She can put in what she wants, does it matter in the grand scheme of things? The teacher would be flattered with a present worth half as much, I’m sure, they are receiving a v generous gift. Id leave it, as its voluntary not compulsory

x 100

I'm a retired teacher and I'd have been horrified if parents of the children in my class had been dictated to about what they should give. And also horrified if they were judging each other.

I also would not want a gift that cost so much. It's ridiculous. A nice note from parents or a handmade card from a child was more than enough for me. Thank goodness that parental collections weren't a thing at my school.

Nope. She gave £5

Interestingly I have twins and we have the exact same set up, however when I sent £20 last Christmas the mum organising messaged me telling me I didn’t need to contribute twice and once would be absolutely fine per parent given how expensive Christmas is. I was happy to send the £20, but it was a nice response from her.

Food for thought.

It isn’t really a £240 gift though, is it. I’d agree that that would be inappropriate from one family.

Once divided between all the different staff, it’s a few pounds for the teacher from each family. That would hardly affect professional judgement even if it were individual gifts rather than a group gift.

Are you being deliberately obtuse, are you genuinely thick, or are you on the wind up?

For a group gift you either put the same per child as everybody else, or do you own individual gift. Or you don't do a gift at all, but what you don't do is take advantage of other people by treating them unfairly.

That teacher was an outlier. I have never come across a teacher who thought that way, but then I've never worked in a school that had class collections or where teachers got £300 worth of gifts, either.

You chose to have two children under 2. It’s completely different

One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

So your OP was wrong? She didn’t pay £10
total?

You’ve no idea what people’s personal finances are and if they are struggling so who cares

I’ll start by saying that I did always contribute twice the amount when mine were in the same class, always brought two gifts when they were both invited to a party etc.
So, YANBU about that.

However - twins do cost more! Even with 2 under 2, there are some things that can be re-used. All the potty training things. The pram attachment for the first 6m when the lie flat. Clothes - at least for the first year or two when they change size every 3-6months. I’ll stop there but we are already talking £100s.

And then the big one: when you have 2 under 2 you are allowed two maternity leaves vs just one with twins! Imagine how much it would cost a twin mum to self fund the second mat leave that other mums receive for free! We are now talking £1000s.

So please, don’t deny that twins are more expensive than singletons.

It's crazy isn't it?

Yes, i wanted to make a nice gesture at the time as we were having problems at school (my very placid daughter was being bullied) so the teacher and I were in communication a lot.

I remember thinking I’ll get a £30 TK Maxx voucher so she can get something decent and that will ‘see me through’ for her gifts for the year. I mean I didn’t vocalise that but I didn’t realise it would then become an expectation 🤣

Make it clear it’s £10 per child. When she only gives £10 for both her offspring you ask her why?????

She must be gutted to be unpopular.

Not everyone is as invested in teacher gifts as you are, OP.

And if she says that's all she can afford? Then what should OP say?

Maybe you’re just lucky or your area is different. But in Essex, most teachers I have come across (mum of 3) have been exactly like this at class whip round time.

Infact, I organised it a few times and refused to put individual names of those that had contributed, instead writing ‘Thanks blah blah blah, from all of Class X’. On two occasions I had the teachers message me privately to ask who specifically had contributed so they could thank those parents!! Which would then make the kids whose parents didn’t or couldn’t contribute feel like trash.

I hate gift collections. I can afford to donate to them but choose not to. I hate the social pressure to do something, I’d rather sort my own gift. In this case, she’s free to donate as she chooses or not at all even.

To add, the teachers obviously knew some hadn’t contributed as the going rate was a tenner a kid so if the teacher got £250, she knew a few hadn’t put in and obviously wanted to know who!! I mean it begs belief but money does strange things to people.

Would you really leave a child’s name off the card if their parent didn’t give the £10? Seems a bit harsh!

I’m a twin mum too, it’s very expensive! Totally agree about the inability to work too, it simply doesn’t make sense when your childcare costs far outweigh your earnings. Easier now they’ve lowered the age for government free hours but impossible for most of us.

Absolutely. I can never get my head around it when parents of two under 2 simply cannot see how twins are different to their situation.