AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

I'm a primary school teacher and we don't expect anything but we also really appreciate thoughtful gifts, cards and collections. I have spent hundreds of pounds of my own money this year. Every year I buy the kids a book at Christmas, chocolate at Easter, prizes, popcorn for movie afternoons, biscuits for school trips, stickers and so much money on stationary, toys, art materials etc. There is absolutely no expectation of a gift but I think it's a bit harsh to say it shouldn't be allowed.

I would have settled for any one of our YR to Y3 teachers making the effort to tell our twins apart. I'd have appreciated any teacher spotting we had one right & one left handed twin. I'd have relished their class teacher (who was the SENCO) spotting that one boy had a verbal disfluency. Twins are lumped together all the time at school so it's no surprise to me the parent in question doesn't see the need for two contributions.

Obviously not all teachers or schools are like this one- I'm sure many are wonderful, and in those schools I'm sure parents are happy to give gifts. But like tipping, this should be voluntary, with some connection to providing a good service- otherwise it's just another tax on parents.

Of course they are being taken advantage of, everyone else is paying double the twin mum is for the same gift. After several years of it, it adds up to a considerable amount of money saved. This doesn’t seem to be a ‘contribute what you want’ type of collection. It appears to be a set collection where everyone has agreed to put in £10 per child. This woman has purposely put in £10 for 2 children knowing that no one is going to say anything. That’s taking advantage and taking the piss out of all the other parents. It’s like going to a restaurant, ordering the set menu for a specific price and then paying half at the end. - over the top example I know, but the principle is the same.

If I was the OP, I would just speak to the mum in private and say it’s £10 per child, if you don’t want to pay another £10 that’s fine, send the money back to her and let her get something separately.

I’m sure she is also the type of parent that attends parties that both her children have been paid for to attend by the host and hands over one gift, but in return expects her kids to get a gift each because she doesn’t like them being known as ‘the twins’, but seperate people (when it suits). It’s exhausting dealing with cheeky people like that for years on end. I know someone who has twin toddlers, we both go to a toddler group - she pays for one because ‘they are twins’, I still have to pay for my 2 individually because they didn’t come out my vagina at the same time. They both take up the same amount of space and resources but I’m paying double for the exact same experience. People aren’t owed anything because they have twins, although it seems some think they are. Thankfully this thread has a lot of nice people who don’t shy away from their responsibilities.

lol there is no responsibility to pay collections to teachers. I’m already contributing over the odds to society through eye watering tax. I don’t see why I have to donate more.

This.
It should be a voluntary donation for those who want to contribute, not controlled by some self appointed Gift Police keeping score of who pays what.
Also, you've been "fine" with her donation for 6 years and then are quibbling behind her back now?!
You'll look ridiculous and petty if you do say anything, like you've been silently fuming all this time 🙄😁
This is what's wrong with group collections - too much pressure on people, who you have no idea if they are struggling for spare cash but feel guilted into it.

30 quid each per child in the class?! What on earth were you buying?!
That's an insane amount of money for a teachers present!

Awful thread title. Leave people alone.

Well no one is obligated to pay anything towards this sort of contribution and she should be able to pay £5 per child if that’s what she thinks is reasonable and affordable for her. You say everyone agreed, but how much would anyone really feel they could say no. So i think yabu.

YABVU
its a gesture for goodness sake

Are you really posting about £10 OP. Do you realise the financial reality of twins unless you have them. Also, nobody should feel forced into contributing towards a teachers present! You can’t just make judgment based on the parents occupation and what they can really afford. What do you even know about their circumstances? I hope your children don’t witness your judgmental behaviour!!! If the recipient teacher of this “gift” could read your post they would be absolutely mortified 🫣

It's a gift, she doesn't have to pay anything! There might be a reason that mum can't afford to pay £20 for a teacher gift and honestly? Teachers/TAs do not care! Gifts are lovely but they're certainly not expected and certainly wouldn't want parents being pressured to pay what they can't afford, particularly with the cost of living at the moment.

I chose YaBU purely for the fact you are collecting £10 per family for a present for the teacher.

actual madness

They all want to be teacher's pet.

Please don't assume she is well off just because her husband is a Doctor... depending on the seniority the pay can be awful

I said YABU - it’s a donation, a gift - it’s not compulsory. Actually think gifts for teachers should stop - no need.

So if one of the mums in the class was struggling and could genuinely only afford £5 would she be allowed to be included?

Sounds like you are an obnoxious bunch of busy bodies who need to get a life.

I think these gifts should be replaced by cards from either the kids or the parents.

You might find that many parents do not want to contribute money to the teachers at all and feel obligated to because their names are written down and its very clear who contributed and who didn't.

They really shouldn't be allowed at all

Life is too short

Had to pipe up as a twin mum to say 2 under 2 is not the same! Firstly, the costs are reduced because you can hand lots of things down from your first to your second - clothing, toys, first car seat, bassinet etc. Twin mums have to buy double of everything. Secondly, you have an extra year to save and prepare. Twin mums have no idea they’re having 2 children until their scan! It isn’t a choice and there is no time to save and prepare. All expenses come at once rather than being staggered by a year. There isn’t a year of only paying 1 set of nursery fees for example, before it increases, it’s double from the start. Thirdly, with 2 under 2 you get two mat leaves and two lots of maternity pay when twin mums only get one!

You sound very petty. From your update it sounds like it’s an issue because she’s “braggy” and “isn’t popular”. It sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder and are jealous of this other mum.

Anyone who cares enough what another parent contributes to a teacher gift, to a) discuss it with other parents and b) start a thread about it, really needs to get a life.

Collecting the money on behalf of the class is supposed to be a helpful organisation task not a way of policiing contributions. All parents should contribute what they feel comfortable with not be dictated to, pressured or bitched about by another parent in order to have their child’s name on the card.

I’m sure the teacher is grateful for any contribution, large or small and nobody knows someone else’s financial situation.

let me guess …..its your kid who gives the presents out?!?!
such a non story - i also think your out of order not putting ALL the kids names in the card regardless if they donate or not! But you sound like THAT school mum 😂

Only on MN could someone seriously say doctors’ pay is “awful”. Unless they are a junior doctor, the pay will generally be a minimum of £60k, and often a lot higher.

It may not be as much as your multi-six-figure DH’s salary, but in the real world, £60k+ is well above average.

PS I earn above this so I’m not posting out of jealousy.

All this angst over donation amounts is so unnecessary. Being overbearing and petty about these things just makes everyone’s life a misery.

Your twins were at a thoroughly crap school @Serenissimissima . Was this literally the only one available to you?

I have been in the school system for 12 years now.

And never felt angst, never heard about any angst from the many friends I have made along the way nor from family or external friends who are parents.

ONLY on mumsnet.