AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

I'm a primary school teacher and we don't expect anything but we also really appreciate thoughtful gifts, cards and collections. I have spent hundreds of pounds of my own money this year. Every year I buy the kids a book at Christmas, chocolate at Easter, prizes, popcorn for movie afternoons, biscuits for school trips, stickers and so much money on stationary, toys, art materials etc. There is absolutely no expectation of a gift but I think it's a bit harsh to say it shouldn't be allowed.

I would have settled for any one of our YR to Y3 teachers making the effort to tell our twins apart. I'd have appreciated any teacher spotting we had one right & one left handed twin. I'd have relished their class teacher (who was the SENCO) spotting that one boy had a verbal disfluency. Twins are lumped together all the time at school so it's no surprise to me the parent in question doesn't see the need for two contributions.

Obviously not all teachers or schools are like this one- I'm sure many are wonderful, and in those schools I'm sure parents are happy to give gifts. But like tipping, this should be voluntary, with some connection to providing a good service- otherwise it's just another tax on parents.

Of course they are being taken advantage of, everyone else is paying double the twin mum is for the same gift. After several years of it, it adds up to a considerable amount of money saved. This doesn’t seem to be a ‘contribute what you want’ type of collection. It appears to be a set collection where everyone has agreed to put in £10 per child. This woman has purposely put in £10 for 2 children knowing that no one is going to say anything. That’s taking advantage and taking the piss out of all the other parents. It’s like going to a restaurant, ordering the set menu for a specific price and then paying half at the end. - over the top example I know, but the principle is the same.

If I was the OP, I would just speak to the mum in private and say it’s £10 per child, if you don’t want to pay another £10 that’s fine, send the money back to her and let her get something separately.

I’m sure she is also the type of parent that attends parties that both her children have been paid for to attend by the host and hands over one gift, but in return expects her kids to get a gift each because she doesn’t like them being known as ‘the twins’, but seperate people (when it suits). It’s exhausting dealing with cheeky people like that for years on end. I know someone who has twin toddlers, we both go to a toddler group - she pays for one because ‘they are twins’, I still have to pay for my 2 individually because they didn’t come out my vagina at the same time. They both take up the same amount of space and resources but I’m paying double for the exact same experience. People aren’t owed anything because they have twins, although it seems some think they are. Thankfully this thread has a lot of nice people who don’t shy away from their responsibilities.

lol there is no responsibility to pay collections to teachers. I’m already contributing over the odds to society through eye watering tax. I don’t see why I have to donate more.

This.
It should be a voluntary donation for those who want to contribute, not controlled by some self appointed Gift Police keeping score of who pays what.
Also, you've been "fine" with her donation for 6 years and then are quibbling behind her back now?!
You'll look ridiculous and petty if you do say anything, like you've been silently fuming all this time 🙄😁
This is what's wrong with group collections - too much pressure on people, who you have no idea if they are struggling for spare cash but feel guilted into it.

30 quid each per child in the class?! What on earth were you buying?!
That's an insane amount of money for a teachers present!

Awful thread title. Leave people alone.

Well no one is obligated to pay anything towards this sort of contribution and she should be able to pay £5 per child if that’s what she thinks is reasonable and affordable for her. You say everyone agreed, but how much would anyone really feel they could say no. So i think yabu.

YABVU
its a gesture for goodness sake

Are you really posting about £10 OP. Do you realise the financial reality of twins unless you have them. Also, nobody should feel forced into contributing towards a teachers present! You can’t just make judgment based on the parents occupation and what they can really afford. What do you even know about their circumstances? I hope your children don’t witness your judgmental behaviour!!! If the recipient teacher of this “gift” could read your post they would be absolutely mortified 🫣

It's a gift, she doesn't have to pay anything! There might be a reason that mum can't afford to pay £20 for a teacher gift and honestly? Teachers/TAs do not care! Gifts are lovely but they're certainly not expected and certainly wouldn't want parents being pressured to pay what they can't afford, particularly with the cost of living at the moment.

I chose YaBU purely for the fact you are collecting £10 per family for a present for the teacher.

actual madness