AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

Agreed. I am not allowed to accept anything an is more than a symbolic token (e.g box of chocolates, bottle of wine), and nor should I be. It falls foul of our anti-bribery policy, otherwise.

How come you're considering asking her for more cash and not the children's father?

I remember being nominated (/forced)to do the collection for my DC class. For various reasons not all of the families in the class contributed, and I think that’s fine, because it’s a personal decision
The issue I had was the parents who had calculated what the total donations should have amounted to, then told me how I should allocate it amongst the teacher and TA. I didn’t feel it was right to disclose what people had decided to dontate, and ended up raiding my garden to make bouquets of flowers to try and eek the money out a bit further. I didn’t organise the collection ever again because it was an absolute nightmare. People are very quick to provide an opinion on what should happen, so long as they don’t have to implement it, so personally I’d suggest handing the twin issue over to the parent who has raised the issue

She might not be public sector - don't think OP has said

One of the few financial benefits of twins, single class donation, (one present at parties from both) IME. Do you think twin parents should also provide two cakes for cake sale and volunteer twice as often for school trips etc? Absolutely no way, I exploited the 2 for 1 advantage whenever possible!

If there was no collection and parents just bought their own gifts, would a twin parent buy two gifts? I doubt it.. No one needs duplicate “best teacher” mugs or whatever… so it’s fine. Also, saying anything would be massively rude.

She can pay whatever she wants or nothing ....

Sounds like she’s spent all her money

What a pile on, it sounded like a genuine question. Teachers don't expect or demand gifts. If they contribute, put their name on the card, if they choose not to then don't. Teachers are not going to list off the names of the kids who have signed or not. They thank everyone and accept anything, hand made cards, drawn pictures, mugs etc. It is unnecessary but appreciated. If families can't afford it, then don't do it.

If people don't want to step up, just go it alone next year. Get your own small gift if you choose to.

Be mindful that some people who volunteer to collect aren't always trustworthy. Asking for a pic of the voucher or card/gift in the chat can help with that as having parents taken advantage of in the name of the teacher is maddening. Obviously the poster here is unequivocally fair as they are asking this question about fairness.

When I was a teacher I was pleased to have a card, maybe some chocs or something but NEVER would I expect a collection! Is this mummy one-upmanship?

I’m a class rep for my DC’s class so I’m responsible for collecting contributions for the teacher’s gifts. I suggest an amount for each parent to pay but it’s always optional/discretionary. If someone didn’t pay or paid less than the suggested amount, that’s fine. If there were any twin parents in the class, I would give them a break - they have a lot to deal with

The transactional givers on this thread literally taking my breath away. So glad none of my friends are this grim.

Oh no. Your one of those Stepford Wives who make school mum's life a misery.

Away and jump!..this is just one class?...how many classes are at the school?

We aren’t. We have to inform our business manager and head of anything over a certain amount and if money is given we have to let them know and it gets discreetly handed back to the parents.

I wouldn’t be contributing at all so in that respect I think she’s being generous!

Agreed, this is why I never took part in class collections.

That's definitely a case of one ridiculous human being. I have worked in schools for two decades and haven't ever rallied up who gives what. Nor have any of my colleagues. You should have reported that teacher because that's just not on.

I love a card from someone that I know I've made a difference to. It's nice to be appreciated. A group card formed from a WhatsApp group would have little value. Suggesting that most teachers see it as a bonus is completely ridiculous. My friends mostly get a couple of grand either in April or at Christmas. I'd prefer that to a few chocolates and a mug!

But they have agreed to £10 per child like everyone else. A single mum will be paying £10 for their one child on one salary. This couple are paying £5 per child on two salaries.

I know everyone’s financial circumstances are different (but that aside and assuming she can afford it) it’s a bloody cheek to knowingly pay half when everyone else is putting the full amount. If she doesn’t want to pay £10 per child she doesn’t have too, she could go and do her present separately. It’s not so much the monetary value, it’s the principle and her taking advantage of a situation knowing that no one is going to be nasty enough to leave one of the kids names off the card.

I didn’t report her for having awful manners and lacking decorum but I did report her for failing her duties and responsibilities in safe guarding the children in her care (totally different goings on).

I didn’t imply the whip rounds are akin to a workplace bonus. I was talking colloquially that SOME teachers grow to expect it.

Thankfully not all teachers are douche bags but I definitely stumbled across a few in my time - I work in education too.

I think its unreasonable that the amount is dictated at all. It should just be whatever any parents are able and wish to give.

Nobody has been taken advantage of. That is a very silly mindset.

The single mother is paying for her household, the twin parents are paying for their household.

And it sounds like OP absolutely does leave children's names off the card. Many others who have posted do too.

Woah - don't be so mean spirited. And don't do the collection in future

We are forced to put in £70 per child. £20 is looking pretty reasonable to me.

Forced in what way?