AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

Honestly! I feel like people have too much time on their hands sometimes 🤪

@TheMumEdit
actually statistics and research has shown that it is more expensive to have twins than it is singletons no matter how close in age your singletons are

It's just a communal pot. People can put what they want in it. If she wants to put in £10, she can. What does it matter if you spend £290 or £300 or even £150 on a present for the teacher? It's going to be a big present.

Exactly. We had twins at my eldest old school and the mum was always complaining about trips because “we’ve got to pay twice as much!” (again, someone on a very nice wage, arent they aways these cfs)

I felt like asking her if she understood that both children would in fact be going on the trip and therefore both experiencing it, taking a seat on the bus, getting the education etc. That’s why you’ve got to pay for both of them you see.

I have three children. I don’t pay for a trip and then the next year when my younger one goes say ‘oh no I’ve already paid for that’.

And yes I do understand that it’s two payments together rather than a year apart so a bigger % of your monthly wage but you KNOW you have twins!! This isn’t a surprise to you, they’ve been the same age their whole lives and they will continue to be! Start a little petty cash fund for trips/birthday parties, whatever. This is an eventuality you can literally plan for.

Oh and I agree with you OP that it’s cheeky but I also don’t see the point in raising it.

If every family contributed I’d be tempted to say “oh strange weve only got 29 payments for a class of 30…” but she probably wouldn’t even care.

Thought you were talking about someone I know until you said the jobs! There are two types of twin/multiple parents - those that recognise they have TWO kids and pay for them accordingly and the others that think because they both got pushed out their vaginas within minutes of each other that one always comes free.

She should pay for two, because they are both getting ‘recognition’ for the gift.

The person I know, if we try to arrange a day out with all the kids, will try to split her bill for anything and everything by 4 people (her, hubby, eldest, one twin) despite them having 5 people in their family and 5 people taking up a space. Whereas I will also pay for 4 because I have kids of different ages. Does my bloody nut in to be honest. Rarely go out with them now because of it, it’s painful.

There's some snooty, judgemental bastards on this thread. The parents might be struggling with money due to issues you don't know about. Honestly, what a bunch of pearl clutching, sweety wives.

In this specific instance though it’s not. If you have 2 kids you buy (if you want) 2 teachers a gift. If your twins are in the same class (in bigger schools twins are often separated) you buy 1 teacher 2 gifts. Same price.

Research by Twins Trust has shown that the financial cost of twins is at least £20,000 more expensive than having two singletons in succession. It just simply is more expensive, whether you choose to believe it or not.

Yes, we know we have twins when they're born. Yes, we can plan for costs because we know we have twins. That does not change the fact that it's expensive to have twins. More expensive than two singletons. And the shock hits the pocket many times over the years - nursery fees, school trips, swimming lessons/scouts/whatever other clubs, driving lessons - the list goes on. So, yes, sometimes we may sound exasperated by it all. I'm sure you've been guilty of complaining about something at some point during your parenting journey.

Also, teachers aren't actually entitled to end of year gifts, and I imagine they're very grateful for whatever they get. I doubt a decent teacher would want parents whining and sniping and judging eachother like some on this thread over what is supposed to be a nice way to say thank you.

Not judging, but if you throw a party for your twins, do they receive a gift each or one to share? If they get a gift each does your single gift match the value of the two they have received?

Also unless it’s a village hall type party, the host is paying per child for your twins to attend, so I don’t get that mindset of only giving a shared gift personally.

She should pay for two, because they are both getting ‘recognition’ for the gift.

This is grim. Decent people would put "Thanks from Class X" in recognition of that fact that children have no control over whether their parents pay into to the pot.

Yeah…. A couple of doctor salaries aren’t affording Disney/cruise/skiing in one year. I smell some porkies.

Is this collection twice a year? What if a parent has 3/4 children in the school, would they be expected to pay 60/80 per year?
Moaning and gossiping about the amount the amount people give is mean spirited.

Nothing wrong with £5, she could have given nothing.

I don't think anyone should see who gives what, let people make private contributions, no names attached to them. Then there would be no gossip about who gives what - which is, in itself, appalling.

Teaching is a hard job but the teacher gets paid a salary for this, parents aren’t obligated to reward them financially. Otherwise does someone who’s child picks things up more easily get to chip in less than someone who’s child needs more assistance from the teacher?

I'm a teacher. If people want to put nothing or £20, that is their choice. We certainly don't expect it, but are very grateful. Nowadays, not everybody can afford their own things, never mind for teachers.

It doesn't, Janny, what you do is fine.

This is a ridiculous thread.

I will also just add, that despite my previous comments, I do think £10 is over the top for a class present. I actually hate the class present idea, I had my first ever at Christmas (£5) as my son started school in September and the mum who arranged it clearly did it to get attention. It was really cringy and I didn’t like being a part of it! I won’t be doing it again. My best friend is a teacher and as much as she appreciates the gifts, there’s only so much shit one person can receive every year. Appreciation can be shown in much better ways than spending £300 on some tatt they won’t use.

I can’t believe teachers are still allowed to accept high value gifts from parents, when the rest of the public sector either aren’t allowed to or only up to a minimal amount then usually have to share any chocolates etc out with colleagues

This thread has reminded me why I’m pleased that the primary years are behind. I used to give the mums doing these collections a wide berth, so pleased those days are over

I still have second hand embarrassment for you for talking about her behind her back.

I agree. I’m not suggesting they exclude one twin from the card, but at the same time, they have two kids who are both being taught by the teacher so they should pay for both or none, otherwise everyone else is paying double. I will also add I think £10 per child is ridiculous in the first place but if you are agreeing to it, then pay up.

It’s so fucking gross to start a thread picking over someone’s contribution to a present.

For our school collections, and we have been at two different primary schols, its always voluntary if you want to contribute and how much is up to you and not shared with the group what you put in. I always put in a decent amount if i am joining in as my child is ND and I know they put in a lot of extra work, I do not begrudge anyone that puts in less. Its their own choice based on what they think is right. Also sometimes I do my own thing and don't contribute as I want to do something specific

£10 per household is more than enough for a voluntary contribution.

Just because you inherited a horrible system doesn't mean you need to perpetuate it.

Donations voluntary and everyone can sign the card.

Anything else is twatty and a horrible example to the children. Imagine being the poor kid who doesn't get to sign the card and their parents can only send a chocolate bar.

Do better.