AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

[TheMumEdit]

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

Write her kids' names half the size of the others in the card.

I'm joking obviously. But hopefully shows how silly this all is. It should just be a suggested contribution. You don't know people's financial circumstances or if they can change.

By my calculation your children are in year 5? I would suggest, leave it for this year.

Year 6 is a different kettle of fish. Teacher/ TA gifts, yearbook, hoodies, goodie bags, disco etc etc

Convene the support group and get consensus for a per child budget. Offer out the ability to pay over a number of months and once its all agreed have a live doc showing what everyone owes/ has paid for everyone to refer to.

Year 6 was intense. God speed.

Oh jesus, I have twins and we pay out so much every single day. We had one when the twins came along. We pay as a family of five for everything, having expected to be a family of four.

I didn't realise people are looking at me and judging for the one present from both twins! I always try to get something really special, but no, the budget is not always doubled. I didn't realise that makes me a horrible person

Twins are bloody expensive (no hand me downs and expenses come at once). Our school used to be “per family”. £10 per dc is £300 ish - that’s mad! Let them “donate” what they like and stop telling others how to spend their money.

You don't know her financial circumstances now. There are plenty of people who appear financially well off but have a huge mortgage or debts. £10 per family is more than enough/too much. Chances are the staff are going against policies accepting gifts of that value anyway. A personal gift with thought from a child means much more.
YABU

Your gift is goingbto technically create a tax lisbility for the teacher.

Parents of twins have to be thick skinned. Just for the balance maybe we should point out we didn’t get double maternity leave. It is not the same as having singletons.

We don’t set a fixed amount and just run a collection on something like collectiv. Only the person running it can see who’s given what. Some give £5 and some £20 but it stops anyone being embarrassed if they can’t afford a set amount.

I have collections for years for teachers. One donation per family is completely fine.

Our cards always are signed 'from the children and families of 4HT' not a named list of who donated with respect to those who cannot afford or more likely in our school, the kids of parents who forget to do it in time.

Anyway shouldn't the £10 have gone up with inflation in 6 years 😃

This. FFS, have you nothing else to do?

Teachers shouldn't accept cash or high value gifts. Other public servants can't and it is not ethical.

Op I think that the teacher will be happy with the gift yes when you have dc in separate classes it’s per teacher these twins have the same teacher so 10 should be ok if I had twins I don’t think it would cross my mind to pay twice it’s just 1 teacher per class. If 2 teachers were doing a job share it might be different then. But your making it a bigger issue than it needs to be if she was a single mom going the food bank with twins would you expect 20?

Our primary school was quite big with lots of TAs and other staff, so our teacher collection was used for gifts for them too. It was interesting having a child in 2 different classes as one class always collected quite a bit more than the other. But it was also nice that noone ever expected parents to contribute and every child's name was included in the card irrespective of whether the parent had contributed, or done their own thing.

Teachers don’t get paid per-head taught so why do you feel gifts should be?

I have twins and I would pay £10.

It’s one teacher. Everyone parent putting in £10 for the teacher, not £10 per child for the teacher. Why would a twin parent pay double for one teacher if she teaches them both?

You didn't grow them both at the same time though, did you. And I bet you managed to pass on a few baby grows, or maybe the cot or bouncy chair. And 18 months old doesn't need the same stuff as a newborn. You literally need two of everything at the same time.

The mum in your OP is wrong, she should give £10 per child (I have twins and I do -- they both got taught and it's a hard job!). But I lost all respect for you with this. Two under two is NOT the same as twins. Just nope.

Bizarre isn’t it.
If you attend a family party with two kids you don’t give a present from each. You give a gift from the family.

So why do people think twin parents should be turning up with two presents? Surely you care about your kids friends turning up rather than how many presents they’re going to get?!

I agree it should be per child.

However, collecting for a present isn't usually a set amount. It's a collection so people contribute what they wish.

Twin mom here - I would pay per child

Twin mum here, personally never been keen on a ‘group’ collection for this very reason, someone’s always picked apart by what they do or don’t donate… donate being the key element here! In relation to one of your responses about the kids names being on the cards, what a parent didn’t donate because they couldn’t? Are you removing that child’s name? All seems very petty. If you chose to do this in future years my advice would be any donation is welcome rather than dictating amounts to people. Parents with multiple children at one school can end up paying out a fair amount with children in different classes! Regardless of twins etc

Donation should be worded ‘per family’ not ‘per child’. Paying double for twins who have the same teacher seems insane, is a twin parent going solo expected to buy 2 box’s of chocolates or 2 mugs lol

Yabu. School collections are optional or do you hunt every parent down for the payment.
It is more than enough.

This

honestly what a performance and nasty gossiping about who paid what.

We're not allowed to accept gifts in my role in local government. Makes it easier.

Yes! 2 world’s best teacher mugs are always better than 1! There’s a real shortage of them in staffrooms across the country. 😂

I'm a mum of twins. I saw gifts as really being from the parents rather than the child so have to confess I paid one contribution. Never occurred to me that anyone would think badly of me. I would have expected my parent friends to have been able to raise it with me as an adult if it was an issue.