AIBU for not thanking drivers for stopping at crossings?

[PedestrianAbuse]

Just wondering if I'm the one who's behaving unusually here!

I have to cross a busy main road to get to/from my DD's nursery. There are a couple of zebra crossings on the road but a lot of drivers barrel through them without even considering stopping for pedestrians. There are also cycle lanes to cross and cyclists IME are even less likely to stop at crossings - so there's a bit going on when trying to get across this particular road, I'm always quite cautious doing it.

I've twice had drivers put their windows down and shout at me for not thanking them for stopping, and I just wondered if I'm the only person who doesn't actually think it's necessary to thank a driver for stopping for me at a zebra crossing? I mean, they are supposed to stop! I certainly don't expect it when I'm driving - I think not mowing down pedestrians is kind of a bare minimum requirement, I don't expect thanks for not breaking the law (and as a pedestrian I don't expect drivers to thank me for being sensible and not just leaping into the road at the last moment either!).

I would always thank someone who stopped to let me cross in front of them somewhere where there isn't a crossing point, but it has never occurred to me to think that someone who stops at a crossing or red light is somehow doing me a favour by letting me across the road. Is it just me who doesn't get why some drivers are so offended?

YABU - you should always thank drivers for stopping, even if they're supposed to do it
YANBU - it's just basic rules of the road that they should be following anyway, thanking them is excessive

I'm really surprised that (currently) 38% of voters think YANBU.

How sad, that many people think good manners don't matter.

As pps have said, it costs nothing in time or effort to either wave a hand, or just nod or smile at the driver, but it just makes that tiny interaction so much more pleasant. Exactly the same when I let a driver through a single line of traffic space - it makes no difference to the length of my journey, if they acknowledge it or not, but it makes a huge difference to my mood at that time. It is just SO rude not to acknowledge that someone did a thing that was nice, and was helpful for you, however tiny it may be.

I don't know if you've ever worked in a customer facing job @PedestrianAbuse ? But let me tell you it makes a big difference to your day if people just say 'thank you' at the end of your interaction. It's the same thing.

Incredibly sad that so many people think it doesn't matter to just make someone else's day a tiny bit better if they can, when it costs them nothing.

My kids now aged between 22 and 17 all raise a quick hand to say thanks when crossing a zebra crossing. When they were much, much younger they did the same (mirroring me I guess). No, they don’t have to do it but they do. It costs them nothing and I’m pleased that they do it. DD 17 was crossing the zebra crossing with a friend recently and the friend said “you don’t have to thank them, they have to stop anyway” DD replied but it’s polite, I know I don’t have to…

I also like it when I happen to catch the eye of the driver briefly and they raise a hand slightly to say thanks for my thanks….hahaha that sounds insanely British!! But actually it’s nice to have a friendly human small interaction when usually behind a windscreen many of us can lose that personal, human touch, if that makes sense.

It may not be compulsory but it's certainly customary to indicate thanks at a crossing. My adult DC were brought to be polite and that specifically included saying thanks at crossings. Totally bad manners not to.
When you are driving are you one of those who doesn't raise a hand to say thanks when someone gives way?

It’s just accepted practice that you nod/wave and maybe mouth thanks at someone who stops for you. It’s like saying thank you to the bus driver when you get off the bus - it’s expected and socially polite.

YANBU

I feel the same. I remember someone saying something once and I replied "Thank you for not breaking the law and running me over 🙄"

As a driver, I do not expect people to thank me for stopping at crossings.

I will if you tell me which section please.

P7 Rue H2. I suggest you read all of the HC if you are not familiar with it. There is also guidance and rules about exiting roundabouts.

Absolutely this! You’ve nailed it! It makes the world a nicer place and it IS the British law that we have all been brought up with.

I read a paper that says people who say thank you at crossings/ when people give way etc. are generally happier.

It's something to do with feeling part of a community. You're making connection - all be it a very tiny & fleeting one - with someone else instead of being stuck in your bubble. It's better for our mental health to acknowledge we're part of a bigger whole and to contribute to it positively.

I'd feel more of a tit deliberately not thanking people for a minor inconvenience which has been to my benefit, than I would raising my hand.

I do agree the shouting thing if you don't wave or whatever is fucking stupid & the mark of a lunatic.

You also get ten points on your licence and a fine if you don't do a little steering wheel wave back, as the driver, to thank them for thanking you.

And you might get thrown in the Tower of London.

Who wants to take that chance!

I had a confrontation with a very vile man at a party who told me I should always thank drivers at zebras. He said he didn't have to stop and it makes him angry if he doesn't get thanked.

I remember learning the green cross code as a child and at no point did it say to wave thanks at drivers for stopping at a zebra. Only that you stand until the driver has stopped and then you cross.

Even though I thought the man was a vile, miserable tosser, I've never got it out of my head so usually wave thanks.

I have always thanked drivers who stop at traffic islands etc and just added this to my list.

I think it's mad though. You don't thank them for stopping at a pelican.

Yes, lol

It's nice to acknowledge them. It's the sort of thing that, done enough, keeps up connections between people and mitigates against a them v. us mindset (in drivers, in this case). But it's not necessary, can be dangerous when you have to youngsters to get across with you, and won't be mitigating anything in a driver who feels entitled to it.

You don't have to thank people but it's a nice thing to do. I tend to think there's enough miserableness in the world so it's good to add a tiny bit of light wherever you can. It's hardly a huge inconvenience. I also thank people for stopping when it's my right of way, and that irritates me a lot more when it's not reciprocated. I don't care much if I'm not thanked at a zebra crossing, I just think less of the person!

Its polite to give a wave I think but I did once know an eco warrior guy who was in his late 50's and refused to ever wave or acknowledge drivers because he hated cars with a passion and by extension anyone who drove one. He would sometimes go as if to wave then give them the finger!

Absolutely!

Or the cyclist who mowed down my 81yr old mum who had ventured out for her Sunday paper at 9am. The road was deserted but she pressed the button at the crossing and waited for the "green man" before crossing...whoosh! hit by a cyclist, both wrists broken.
Did he stop...no!
She never fully recovered and went downhill quickly thereafter.
She lost her confidence to go out on her own, lost her ability to lift a kettle, etc.
The reason for telling you all this is, he had the damn nerve to yell at her "get out of the way you stupid bitch".
So you can't win. You stop to let them pass and you're yelled at! You cross at an electronic crossing and your yelled at for doing the right thing. Pedestrians can be in a no win situation.

I always make sure the car has slowed down and is looking like it will definitely stop before I cross, so when they do I put my hand up to acknowledge that. The same if someone lets me out at a junction etc. it's just manners. It's no big deal.

Some people lack social skills!

I agree.

Thank you, and I see the 2022 clarification 'drivers and riders should give way to pedestrians waiting to cross a zebra crossing, and MUST give way to pedestrians on a zebra crossing.' So it's a should rather than a must if the pedestrian is waiting to cross. Interesting, but in practice as a pedestrian you still have to wait to see if they stop.
I have never been a driver BTW so perhaps my lack of familiarity with the HC is understandable. I do know the correct practice for pedestrians, most of which I was taught at school, and often wish that on dark roads that people would remember to wear light-reflective clothes.

That's disgraceful, I'm so sorry

I read this as:
AIBU for not thanking cross dressers for driving at stops?

Time for my first wine of the week.

It really doesn't hurt to wave an acknowledgement does it? You don't have to buy them flowers.

Manners maketh the man (person)

I always say thank you, when driving or crossing myself. Just a little hand up, doesn't need to be a curtsey.

No need for anyone to be an arrogant twerp, manners are lost nowadays.

Wow nasty POS! Cannot believe he didn't stop. Surely that's a crime!