AIBU for not thanking drivers for stopping at crossings?

[PedestrianAbuse]

Just wondering if I'm the one who's behaving unusually here!

I have to cross a busy main road to get to/from my DD's nursery. There are a couple of zebra crossings on the road but a lot of drivers barrel through them without even considering stopping for pedestrians. There are also cycle lanes to cross and cyclists IME are even less likely to stop at crossings - so there's a bit going on when trying to get across this particular road, I'm always quite cautious doing it.

I've twice had drivers put their windows down and shout at me for not thanking them for stopping, and I just wondered if I'm the only person who doesn't actually think it's necessary to thank a driver for stopping for me at a zebra crossing? I mean, they are supposed to stop! I certainly don't expect it when I'm driving - I think not mowing down pedestrians is kind of a bare minimum requirement, I don't expect thanks for not breaking the law (and as a pedestrian I don't expect drivers to thank me for being sensible and not just leaping into the road at the last moment either!).

I would always thank someone who stopped to let me cross in front of them somewhere where there isn't a crossing point, but it has never occurred to me to think that someone who stops at a crossing or red light is somehow doing me a favour by letting me across the road. Is it just me who doesn't get why some drivers are so offended?

YABU - you should always thank drivers for stopping, even if they're supposed to do it
YANBU - it's just basic rules of the road that they should be following anyway, thanking them is excessive

YANBU. People are so entitled these days and expect to be constantly acknowledged for every tiny thing they do.

The person crossing the road could be newly bereaved, could have just been told they have cancer, could have been up all night with a sick child, could have just split from their partner, could have any number of reasons why boosting the ego of a driver is not uppermost in their mind. Having a go at them for not thanking the driver for obeying the highway code and giving way as expected is just ridiculous.

The world is full of awful drivers who will pretend not to see you and just drive straight across. That sort of behaviour could become the norm - in some countries it certainly seems to be. So why not reward people who play by the rules with a little nod of the head - an acknowledgment that you and they are holding the line, playing fair, and doing your bit to keep society running smoothly? It takes almost zero effort and spreads good vibes.

AIBU isn't some sort of binding referendum that creates an obligation on the OP to change their opinions and/or behaviours based on how people respond. I can be interested in people's views without ultimately changing my own mind - and you are conveniently overlooking the ~40% of people who have bothered to vote who think similarly to me. So there clearly isn't a universal view on whether it's bad manners or just something that neither party needs to make any sort of fuss about.

I've never been thanked by a driver for waiting at a pedestrian crossing while they drive through! I don't believe they should be thanked for obeying the Highway Code. I always thank any drivers who stop when they are not obliged to.

YANBU
You don't have to thank them for following basic, or any, rules of the road.
Also, shouting at you from their car while you are crossing in front of them could be considered harassment.

Ha ha my mum and I "argue" (have mild disagreement) over this. I thank people for stopping at a zebra crossing (or if I am crossing a side road) but not a pelican/toucan crossing. If they have a red light they have to stop whatever. My mum thinks you should thank everyone.

Nope they think pedestrians should be target practice for their SUVs and they put their foot to the floor to hit them.

(not all drivers)

(not all SUV drivers)

This analogy is pretty nonsensical. This isn't a teaching situation, I'm not incapable of saying thank you when I believe it's warranted, and I don't need "soft power" - I just need to get across the road. That's literally it. I need to cross the road, they need to not run me over and then they carry on with their journey and neither party ever sees the other again.

Yes very good point.

Although sometimes I do thank pedestrians if they wait for me when I am turning into a side road.

That sounds fair enough to me. 😅

Its a tiny gesture that goes a long way. Why not add to positivity.

I don’t do the polite thing because I have to, @DressOrSkirt - I do it because I think it helps make the world better - even if it’s only a tiny bit better.

No, you don't have to thank them, BUT, I'm all for making the world a nicer place and if that means I'm extra polite when I don't need to be, or say good morning as I'm passing a stranger in the street, then surely it is better all round to just be a nice person.

That's actually a really interesting point and not one I had thought about - I agree that Highway Code knowledge is terrible and a lot of drivers probably don't think there's any sort of obligation on them to stop for pedestrians. The lack of observational skill is also quite alarming - even though these crossings were installed at least a couple of years ago a lot of drivers don't seem to have a clue they're even there!

Let’s go a step further on Awkward British Foibles… the few times I have gone to raise my hand to say thanks, I get worried it might look like I’m kinda doing a STOP motion and telling them to slow down 🫣

Nope, nothing else to the story other than some possible back story for the drivers that I don't know about! On both occasions I was pushing my daughter in her pushchair, we crossed the road and then the driver put their window down and started yelling at me about how I should have thanked them. Personally I think that's pretty unhinged behaviour, whatever your view on thanking/not thanking drivers at crossings.

If more than one car stops. Should I be thanking all of them? What if I accidentally miss one out?

It costs nothing so why not do it.

Spread a little happiness.

From a safety perspective, it makes sense to see if they are stopping by looking at their car and thus at them. It is then harder to not thank them than to nod and cross!

I agree no-one should be shouting at you though. I always think people who don't thank you when you wait for them to come through a gap are rude but I don't say anything. A minority of people IMO don't thank you, the majority do, hence why it's become a social norm, even if technically there's nothing in the Highway Code about it.

Social codes are just that, social, non-enforcable, but other people can disagree when you ignore them.

I don't expect pedestrians to thank me at crossings. I do think that drivers should be polite to one another though.
If I let someone out or let them merge and they don't give me a little wave, I think that is outrageous

You can really tell who the car drivers are on this thread. The entitlement is palpable.

It’s the law. If you don’t follow that law you’ll end up maiming or killing me with your car. Do you thank every person in the street for not stabbing you to death or robbing you?

You get a thank you for providing a service such as bus drivers or shop workers or for doing something you don’t need to that’s kind like holding a door.

If we all had to thank each other for not breaking the law we’d never get anything bloody done.

YANBU. I’ve often thought that people who thank drivers for stopping at crossings are a bit odd! It’s like some weird form of people pleasing. Like they feel the need to apologise for existing, even when they have right of way!

To the contrary, not just lifting your hand or acknowledging the driver (whether as a driver or pedestrian) seems like some form of pointless protest.

It’s part of road etiquette really. It makes the whole system flow better when people acknowledge each other.

It’s really so much more pleasant to travel through an area where everyone thanks each other

I always raise my hand briefly in acknowledgment, but I don’t care if someone doesn’t do it for me when I’m driving. As you say OP, there is no obligation for you to do so. Those drivers were extremely rude to give you a telling off. Dickheads.

It does work like that sometimes. That's a no then, you will continue to be ignorant and bad mannered.