AIBU to stop therapy after learning my therapist’s husband is Reform?

[CanyonRider]

I live in a small town. I started having therapy maybe a year ago. I feel it’s been working for me and I like my therapist. However I realised today that she is (very very recently) married to a man who recently stood and won as a reform councillor in our local election. I detest reform. I’m married to an immigrant (EU citizen) and am delighted that my kids are dual nationals and have the option of travelling, working and living in the EU should they desire. I’m also very pro the transition to green energy. I have solar and drive an EV. Finally I cannot stand Farage and the political grift embodied by people like him and Jenrick and am dismayed by the harms caused by Brexit.

My therapist is also an EU national and is here under indefinite leave to remain - as is my wife.
Read a few interviews with her husband today and he spouts the usual anti EU, anti immigration, anti green transition rhetoric you’d expect from Reform. I don’t feel comfortable continuing therapy with someone who’s married to a reform politician, and am very surprised that she is comfortable with his views and by extension those of Farage.

Am I overreacting?

😆 🤣 😂 😹

So we are comparing reform councillors with Nazis and child abusers now? Wow. Villagers with pitchforks come to mind. Slagging off Reform, their members and their voters is the new virtue signalling it seems.

And I am politically homeless, by the way. Didn’t vote in the locals.

Is it ok to judge her on the decision to marry a man who holds certain views? It’s it reasonable to assume an intelligent woman would understand her fiancé’s views and if she found them repugnant wouldn’t marry him? (The marriage and standing for election were close together, so not like someone who married 20+ years ago and her DHs views had changed).

Given the marriage is recent, it’s reasonable for the OP to assume she either shares the same views or doesn’t have a problem with them.

Judging her on her choice of a husband is perfectly acceptable.

I vote Reform and my husband us left leaning. He has voted Labour in the past but says he'll never vote for them again. We have many political discussions and it seems he agrees with most Reform policies when I state them one by one. They have been demonised for years and been called racist so much that I think people are fearful of admitting they vote Reform.
Of course you can have different political views from your partner. Do you think that the millions who will vote Reform are all racist? How insulting.

I notice on a lot of posts on the Reform attack threads, posters can't get in quickly enough to say they don't Reform. Even if they do. This is now where we are at. Which is why I will always call people bullies, if they don't like being called fascists, for judging people on who they vote for. Judging people for voting for a party who they say are judgemental! Mental.

Firing a professional who is good at her job when the therapy is working is like shooting yourself in the foot. But I guess the moral high ground feels good and is a lot easier than the hard work of therapy.

Well of course it's acceptable. But it's still misogynistic and idiotic when she is good at her job and the therapy is working.

So the therapist should be fired because you know the husband is an arse and a racist without even knowing who the husband is and without even knowing the political views of the therapist. What about if she is in the process of divorcing him? Would that be acceptable to you, or should she still be fired because she had the temerity to marry him in the first place. I have seen many posts on here from women who are worried that their husbands have turned to reform. Should they also all lose their jobs?

This would be a deal breaker for me.
I would dump her if he was simply an average voter, but for him to be standing for the party and actively including her in his campaign is a no from me

What are their policies please? Yes, I know Google is my friend. Apart from trotting out " stop the boats" what?

It also goes to the back of the queue when the misogynist in question is wearing a turquoise rosette.
I think in a week where Reform has given us Rob Kenyon in the most high profile election we're likely to see in some time, it's probably wiser for its supporters not to try arguing for it on the basis of women's rights.

Great so let's pick up on misogyny every time it shows its head in every party.

Nigel's worry was about Romanian crime gangs and free movement

What a lot of worries he has. Romanians, Farmers, the so called " boat people" women who want to work and have children.

Must be worried sick.

She’s recently married him and he has been vocal about his views. It’s just personal choice isn’t it. You would clearly stay with therapist, I wouldn’t and neither would some others on this thread, that can’t be a surprise.

It’s just the consequence of taking a certain action ie. Being vocal about your beliefs is putting that info into the public domain and whatever your view is there will be some who judge you negatively for it and it may well have repercussions. It’s just the way things are, personal freedom and all that which we now have given we are no longer ruled by the EU.

It's very telling that you chose mixed race couples as a comparison. It tells us all that we need to know about you as a human being.

Why don't you come back and elaborate exactly why you think that is a suitable comparison to the situation described by the OP?

Why is it misogynistic to judge her based on the company she keeps? And the person you choose to marry is really the main company you choose to keep!

Also therapy isn’t like other jobs, your personal judgement and morals are part of it, someone racist is unlikely to be a good therapist. Certainly it would be hard for someone like the OP who has a non-British partner to trust a therapist she has reason to believe is racist, hardly idiotic to not waste any more money with her.

im sure there are some reform supporters who aren’t racist, I just haven’t met them. I will however, assume anyone who does support reform is racist and has poor judgment. Therefore any service that they offer that needed good judgement would be immediately one to avoid.

The OP is completely correct to take her money elsewhere.

Absolutely we should.
The Makerfield example is of particular concern, because of Farage's reaction. Its one thing an individual revealing themselves as a misogynist, another when the leader of their party defends their misogyny as 'banter'.
We can pick up on it, but when it's an accepted norm from top down, I'm not optimistic it would do any good.

Good post. I wouldn't choose a Christian Therapist probably.

You’re entitled to be as wrong as you like. The only thing that ‘demands’ you to conform is the law.

Oh I forgot abused young girls. Wasn't he terribly worried about them at one point. Along with his chum Musk? The latter was very worried indeed.

I don't think anyone is saying that. I think people are saying they don't want to purchase services that will benefit Reform politicians, indirectly through adding to their household income.
And that they question the values of someone who would marry a Reform politician, and that it would be important to them in therapy not to have to question the values of their therapist.

I am literally on Mumsnet every day reading from posters who are married to or with men who are arses. Usually there is a lot of sympathy for the poster. But it still seems like you think those women should be punished for having 'poor judgement'. And therapy is no different from any other job. If you want to judge a woman for the company she keeps then it seems like feminism still has quite a way to go.

Racists have never been edgy. They've always just be sad bastards
I'm the same age as Farage if my friends wanted to be edgy, the wore out there clothes, went raving, listened to different music. They didn't say racist and antisemitic things.

The OP doesn't know how the therapist votes herself (that is between her and the ballot box) only that she chose to marry someone who is openly Reform. That would certainly put me off as it's a choice she made to align herself with someone whose views I find totally repugnant.

I was recently in a coastal town where there was a chip shop with Restore Britain posters in the window. I wouldn't give them my custom if they were the best chips in the world, I wouldn't even feel welcome in there. I would assume they hated me as much as I hate them so they are not having my money. Years ago we had a decorator who expressed racist views. I let him finish the job but stopped chatting with him and would never employ him again. There was a pub near me where the landlord expressed his political views on a blackboard outside - once they were so offensive someone threw the blackboard in the canal (it wasn't me). He got a new board and nailed it to a tree but went bust not long after, presumably because he was alienating potential customers.

Clearly OP knows quite a lot about at least the public face of the therapist's husband, and the fact that the therapist is apparently so comfortable with that that she has married him is significant. Why would she be divorcing him if she has only just got married?