Partner lying in bed on hottest day of the year …would you be annoyed ?

[luluxxx]

My partner works 6 days of the week
He never gets bank holidays off except today .
Anyway Saturday night we went to a gig that I really wanted to go too ,we left before the main act came on as he had a sore throat.
Yesterdag was a football game,he was up and seemed to be fine ,out for 10 hours.
Today he won’t get out of bed
Says he can’t be bothered because of his sore throat.
Its 29 degrees here
We had plans to go to car boot sale or beach.
Anyway I have left him to it and came out to the park with my book.
Would you be annoyed ?
I feel a bit sad as I’m sat by myself and everyone here with partners etc .

Agree with this poster. Leave him to sulk in bed and see if you can organise something with friends or go out by yourself. I wouldn’t be staying at home if I fancied going out - except I don’t, as it’s too hot 😂

Don't listen to people saying what they do and don't like you should be able to do the things you like with a partner who wants to be with you. It's really hot a high bar and I'd be questioning the whole relationship.

I would be pissed that he can make an effort for the football but not other things. If that is how he is, I wouldn’t be with him.

In general though, if he was a good partner and did make effort usually, I wouldn’t be bothered. I’m lying on our bed with the air con on.

Well sorry to say that he is boring and not fair on you.

It's about not making you a priority basically isn't it, rather than the rights and wrongs of lying in bed on a hot day, and I don't blame you for being hurt and disappointed by that. I don't think it's something you can change about a person though so maybe time to weigh up whether there's enough good things about him/your relationship to compensate for it.

He may be a West Ham fan, hence the need to recover!

One day off a week wouldn’t be enough for me to rest, to do the things I really wanted to do and do the things my partner wanted to do as well, so in your shoes, I’d accept that this weekend, he’s probably knackered and just doesn’t want to get up early and tramp around a boot fair, or sit on a crowded beach in this heat.

But, that would very much depend on his pattern of behaviour. If he never wants to do the things you want to do, and is regularly leaving gigs early, or he only wants to watch the football and never do anything with you, then you have to consider that he could just be a fundamentally selfish man who doesn’t want to make the space for you in his life.

Not really. We are just napping here.

Up early for dog/river walk, chores, gardening and then a mid morning nap on the bed and just had another nap on the outdoor sofa under shade.

See I must really not like my partner because I love spending time with myself after spending time with him and our child 😂🤣 he’s gone in a mood with me today because we don’t live together so I dropped our child
off and left them too it!… I’d enjoy your day for what it’s worth and just really soak in the alone time.

DH in bed right now. I don’t bloody blame him!

I was going to say yabu until I read the bit about him being fine to go to the football.......what an asshole

It sounds like you need to talk to each other. No way in hell would I be going to a car boot sale or a long trip to the beach today, it's too hot. But I also wouldn't leave half way through a gig that's just mean. It sounds like you each want to do what you each want to do and haven't found a way to compromise/settle your differences.

Honestly if I worked 6 days a week I would need a day in bed! But thats just me

He may ,of course, be thinking the same thing!

I’d be annoyed about leaving the gig early but the rest I’d not be bothered about.

I’ve deliberately stayed in today to avoid the sun and would hate beach or car boot so I’m with him there. Especially feeling under the weather.

I'm due to meet extended family who are staying locally for the beach tomorrow and frankly I’m dreading it already!! Me and heat do not mix!

He's clearly not feeling great. He overdid it yesterday which was stupid and a bit annoying, but that can't be helped now. I wouldn't force him out for another day in the sun which would just make him feel even worse. Just enjoy a lovely relaxed day doing your own thing!

My ex was like this. Worked nights, I asked multiple times for him to swap shifts but wouldnt. Wouldnt get up on weekends, even when we had plans. I gave up, stopped booking things because I knew he wouldnt get up no matter what he said. But if his sister needed something doing hed be up. Footballs on, he'd manage to be awake. Anything that he wanted to do or benefited him he was up. lasted about a year (together 13) before he moved out because id had enough.

But OP only wanted him to go to the beach so he could watch her stuff?

She said, she would have gone alone but she did not want to leave her stuff on the beach.

So presumably, they were not going to swim together - his job was watching the stuff?

Also I pretty much never get ill, but surely it is pretty common you feel better one day then worse the next - particularly if he is thinking he has to go back in to work again tomorrow for another round of 6d and wants to rest up?

If he’d missed football yesterday because he felt too ill then fair enough but to miss the part of the concert that you wanted to see then being tickety boo for why he wanted to do but then being too ill today - yeah I’d be utterly pissed off with him!
Is he usually this selfish? How long have you been together?
Oh and enjoy the sunshine by yourself!

Don’t blame him - he sounds unwell and is in that no energy stage as he’s coming down with something. Keep him extra hydrated especially in this heat. I hear your disappointment but it does sound like he’s unwell. That said I am baffled by the gig vs the football game, OP! 😬

Reading MN in my lounge with the curtains 3/4 drawn and a fan on 🤣 Nobody is missing out based on my lack of activity.

I feel sorry for @luluxxx who hasn't got to enjoy the day as planned.

If it’s anything like my house, football comes before everything! I have started doing things on my own because otherwise I would do nothing. My DH is always hungover and has a sore throat the day after football from all the shouting and drinking 🙄. Tbh it’s starting to give me the ick, I am wondering what it would be like to be with someone who actively wanted to spend time with me 🫤. Sorry so have no useful advice OP, I’m in pretty much the same boat.

Today is very much hotter. I sort of don't blame him. Maybe tolerating the heat at the match has worn him out and he has nothing left in the tank.

I'm a middle aged heat avoidant now, used to love it. Perimenopause probably. But I've also spent a lot of time in Africa and Asia and the best place to be when it's over 28 Celsius is in a darkened room with cucumber water or a cup of tea and then get stuff done later on or first thing in the morning.

Shame about any plans. But even linen, cotton, long sleeves and a big hat don't make the heat any more tolerable in my mind now.

No. Leave him alone. He's not feeling well and some people are debilitated by the heat. He just doesn't have the energy to perform right now.

It’s not so much the being in bed on a hot day with a sore throat (I’m avoiding the garden till later), it’s his ability to be ok when it’s something he wants to do that would piss me off.

What to do about it? I’ve no idea, I stopped trying to navigate relationships year’s ago.