Friend expecting me to work for free

[unpaid1]

Recently, a friend who I used to work with has opened her own consulting business and told me about it. As we worked in the same field she said we could work together where if she needed any help with documents, data entry I could pick it up. I of course said yes, that sounds great , make a bit of money on the side.

The issue is I’ve now done quite a few pieces of work for her but she hasn’t mentioned any payment? I tried to hint to her last week when she asked me to type something up for her, how would we work how I’m getting paid and she said don’t worry we will talk about it soon. She gave me the business bank card and told me to order stationary etc if needed as she would cover the costs.

She’s just messaged again asking for a task to be competed and I’m slightly annoyed now because I can’t keep giving my time up for free. How do I approach this with her without ruining our friendship? I really don’t want to finish this new task she’s given me as I know it’s going to take a good 5-6 hours 😭.

AIBU and should just help her?
AINBU and how do I ask her to pay me?

Communicate with her. As she hasn’t been proactive about discussing your payment, take the initiative and charge what you feel is reasonable. Chat GPT can help you establish this if you type in your role and experience level. As a freelance you must agree the terms before you start a job.

How long has this been going on for?

Decide your payment terms (30 days in view of her being a new start up?).

Send her an invoice for all hours worked prior to May, and request she settles it asap.

Hopefully this will wake her up and you know where you stand regarding future work. If she doesn’t acknowledge or pay up, I would say you can’t do anything further until you are paid.

Then I would invoice her towards the end of this week for work done in May.

You need to put together a simple contract for clients that clearly sets out these expectations.

Good luck!

And if in future, someone you are working for is a friend or someone you know, having expectations laid out in advance is even more important as it will protect your friendship and avoid misunderstanding.

“Hi friend, before I decide on whether to complete this task we really need to talk about payment, I can’t continue spending this much time helping you for free as it’s becoming so time consuming it is a second job. I wouldn’t have said anything if it was the odd initial help but it’s become more constant now.

Happy to discuss rates otherwise I don’t think I’m in a position to keep doing this but I wish you all the success.”

Your friend is absolutely taking the piss in expecting you to simply work for her for no reason.

Dear Ms Feeky Chucker,

Find enclosed your bill to date. Please pay promptly as no more work can be undertaken until your account has been settled.

Yours Sincerely, your good but not completely stupid friend, unpaid1.

I think go in a bit more diplomatically.

"Hi friend, I'm pleased the new business is picking up.
I just wanted to remind you that I can't work for free! I have 10 hours that need to be paid first. Happy to finish the project once we've sorted payment and rates going forward."

Actually @SwatTheTwit has put it better.

how do I ask her to pay me?

Well, how is she asking you to do work? Do it like that.

"Op, type this up for me."

"Okay my rate is xx an hour and I've already done xx hours, so I need paying xx including this typing job. I'll invoice you today."

Or if you're hoping it's all under the table, cash in hand, then -

"Okay, let's call it xx for that and everything else I've done so far. Here's my bank details."

Stop hinting and pussyfooting and being scared of having a simple adult chat with someone whose happy to get you doing their work and fobbing you off.

This is a business.
Send her your invoice.

She’s a CF. I have done freelance stuff and I can tell you this - people love a free worker and will royally take the piss.
I did some work for a ‘friend’ last autumn I’d say about 15 hours worth. Still hasn’t paid me. I have dropped the rope but I will never do it again.
If her skills are valuable and she gets paid for them, then your skills are valuable and you should get paid for them.
Stop the work. Tell her it’s not happening.
In my experience, it’s rare for someone to pay up after the fact. Even if requested, but it’s worth a try for your own sanity.
You can’t walk into Tesco, fill a trolley and say, well, I would like a freebie today. It’s stealing.
Yes it’s okay to help a friend within limits but what she’s doing now is stealing from you.
I have a very clear policy and an advance agreement. No agreement, no work and I ask for a deposit.
Had a request from a ‘friend’ recently who offered me £10 an hour. They are rolling in cash as well.
I have done a few ‘bits’ for people starting out with zero funds and you can tell when it’s genuine.

It's a mystery to me how people like this actually function in the world.

It's up to you to state your rate and payment terms (though others can of course then try to negotiate them if they choose). You should have done this before starting any work, but as you didn't obviously you need to do it now. If somebody doesn't pay you according to those terms you then need to resolve what's happening regarding the outstanding debt before doing any more work for them.

The fact that she's your friend has nothing to do with it. You're either a professional or you're not. If you're not, why are you expecting her to treat you like one?

Perfect. Pleasant and assertive.

Just send her a bill for the work you've already done.
Only thing I can think why she's not offering to pay you is, has she done lots or any 'favours' or free stuff for you in the past,and she sees this as payback?
Anyhow she's a CF and you need to be paid up to date before you even consider anymore work

Yes, this.

None of the ‘hey hun I can’t work for free’ type messages, or asking what she is going to pay you. Set your rate, send the invoice. If she has an issue with the rate she can ask to discuss it with you.

You’re both at fault for not previously discussing it, but don’t take the stance that you even thought that you were being asked to do it for free. As she might see that as an opportunity to think it reasonable that she might have expected it.

Separately, if you’re self-employed make sure you have a UTR from the tax people, and that you put aside money to pay for the tax in the future.

Invoice her for the work so far, don't handover any further work until it is paid. As she doesn't want to discuss it, I'd just tell her what your hourly rate is, charge via invoice and draw up some terms. You might be mates, but it doesn't mean you work for her for free, she isn't stupid, she knows what she's doing.

The inability of people to speak up for themselves that I see all the time on Mumsnet is really worrying! Is it getting worse or my imagination?

I sense that it has something to do with people living in increasingly small bubbles and avoiding interacting with other people - strangers and friends alike - more and more.

Yes I agree with the above 👆🏻 she’s a friend so you’ll have to do this this way to keep it that way! But it needs discussing now before you do anymore work. I had my fingers burned by a friend who ignored my invoice as she decided to pay me my worth instead! Never saw her again! Be assertive and tell her up front what you normally charge per hour but for her you’ll discount x. Personally I’d knock off 10% too. Don’t wait for her to tell you what she’d pay as she has no idea what is the going rate!

Are you coming back @unpaid1 ?

You've had 140 replies! What do you think?

Don’t do anything else for her. We can work together indeed.
She meant you can do things for nothing when I ask. Some friend.

I fell out with an acquaintance recently over something a bit similar.

In the past year I did a couple of quick copywriting/editing for her CV for free as a favour because it did not take much of my time and I wanted to help.

Then she said she was starting a new business and asked me to help her design some marketing material and asked me how much I would charge and we agreed on the fee. I have decades of experience in that field.

She was a nightmare to work with throughout, failing to send me the content I needed or to give me feedback. Then she tried to get out of paying me (although she had already used some of the material I produced for her) saying that she had to correct some of the content I sent her. Basically anything to try to get out of paying...

After that I cut her off making clear I would not be used in this way.

Some people are just users and reveal themselves when money gets involved.

In your situation I would stop doing any work for that person and keep sending reminder invoices. Then I would accept that the friendship is over as no decent person and friend would treat you in this way.

What a CF.

I helped a ‘friend’ with my line of work with her new business. I didn’t mind a couple of hours free but the requests kept coming and there was never even a thank you.

I cut ties but it’s a shame people are like this.

What a nightmare.
Back when blogs were a much bigger deal I agreed to a weekly one for someone who had launched a business - think all things wedding.
Not only did she not pay me, she published the blog I had written and the second one I’d sent for copy approval. I emailed her and she called me a mug - I’ve never forgotten it - and now that she could see how easy it was, she would do it herself. Obviously she never paid me and then blocked me.
And guess what? Her blog only had those two entries. The business did well for a while and then sunk.

Tally up your hours and invoice her. Give her a F&F discount if you feel generous.

She's using your helpful, steady hands to give her a leg up, over the wall. Once she's up and over and the business is running smoothly (and lucratively), she probably won't have time to be your "friend" any more. I don't think she ever intended to pay you; she thought you would just help her, because you think you're friends. Tackle her about the money or stop doing any work for her (giving any excuse you like, or none) but don't give her an ultimatum. She'll turn that back on you. "Oh, I thought you were my friend. I thought you would be happy to help me out......" even possibly "You're just jealous because I've got out and am making it on my own..."

@unpaid1 this is a business transaction. Don't HINT about being paid.

Send an invoice! Include the jobs done, how much time you spent on each one and then your sensible hourly rate. Write on the invoice that it needs to be paid within 14 days.

If you haven't sent an invoice you cannot complain she hasn't paid you!

She’s not a friend because she’s using you, you numpty!

If you’d started a new job, would you carry on working for a few weeks and accept the boss saying “we’ll discuss your salary later but I need this doing now”?

You need to decide what you’re worth and send her an invoice. Don’t do anything else until she’s paid you what you’re owed.

The only person ruining this friendship is her and she clearly doesn’t care! Think about that.