My son did not come home from school MASH Referral help

[NervouslyWaiting1]

My son did not come home from school on Thursday. We had a small argument that morning because I told him to have a shower and he refused. He usually prefers to shower at night, but he ended up having the shower in the morning before leaving for school.
When he didn’t come home after school, I thought maybe he was with his friends. At 10pm that night, I called the police and reported him missing. The police went out looking for him and also went to his dad’s house to check if he was there, but he wasn’t.

The next morning, I decided to go to the school to speak with teachers and his friends to find out who he had been with the previous day. I met one of his friends outside the school, who told me my son was in school that day. I told the friend that he had not come home.
I then had a meeting with the Head of Year, and my son explained didn’t come home because he had received a detention and was scared I would take his phone away. He had spent the night walking around and sitting in a park. I was shocked and spent the whole night crying.

Because of his behaviour at school, I have rules in place. If he gets a detention or comes home late, I take his phone away, and he is also not allowed to go out with friends because of things I found on his Snapchat. I believe some of his friends are a bad influence on him. He has previously told me that he feels trapped and wants more freedom to go out with his friends.

The school has now made a referral to MASH. I understand they are doing their job and treating this as a safeguarding matter.
At the moment, we are also involved in court proceedings regarding relocation back to my home country in Europe. Everything had been going very well. We had a hearing in April with a very understanding judge. He said he understood my reasons for wanting to relocate, that he had visited my country many times, understood what life is like there for children, and that his wife is from a similar country. He also said he did not need any more evidence from me. After hearing that, I was 99.9% sure the relocation would be granted.

The judge ordered CAFCASS to prepare a safeguarding letter as part of the usual procedure. I spoke to them a few days ago and the conversation went well. CAFCASS mentioned they may recommend a Section 7 report, which is a more in-depth report involving speaking to the children, although this was not something the judge originally ordered, so she said it may not happen.

Now, I’m worried this incident with my son may trigger a Section 7 report and prolong the case. I spoke to my solicitor, who said my case had previously been straightforward and easy to predict, but that it has now become a little more complicated.

We had a long chat about everything, and he opened up to me saying he just wants things to go back to how it was before where I allowed him to go out with his friends. After speaking to him, my family and a police officer who visited us after he was found. I’ve decide to let him go out with his friends and set some rules, which he promised he would follow. I work closely with the school and have agreed with the school that I will pick him up everyday.

He’s currently out with friends as we speak. Just wondering what will happen next with MASH? And if they will treat it as one off or safeguarding concern? Anyone who’s been through this?

Something is very wrong
only ringing police at 10 id have rung them at 4:30 when he wasn't home and not answering phone

v v odd such a young child was ok to be out at night on his own my 13 wouod be terrified

the police went to his dads and you cant ring dad ?

take all the help and they will back off once there is nothing to see
work with the school - see if he can be put on a “ positive’ report to boost his self esteem

I wondered this about him staying out all night. This could be an example of black & white thinking, committing to a petty idea of rebellion over an earlier argument and expectation of losing his phone, then having no ability to recognise when something has gone too far, or to backtrack without ‘losing the argument’ so being ‘stuck’ in that course of action.

• If you are giving him freedom again and allowing him to see friends more please put conditions in place - for example put an app on his phone where you can trace where he is, and the condition of him being out is that his location is left on! (I use the free version of life 360 with by teen DD)
• At 13 and due to whatever he’s been getting up to which caused you to ground him - maybe it’s worth knowing his friends parents telephone numbers so in future if he goes missing you call around.

anyway that wasn’t your question and you didn’t want parenting advice, so to answer your question…

MASH will call you, will ask you lots of questions about his home life - about this incident, ask why you didn’t call police until 10pm etc…. You’ll be able to answer their questions easier than the demands of strangers on here, they’ll ask about Dad and if they can contact him…just tell them you don’t have his details and that he was abusive etc so doesn’t need contacting!
After a week or two you’ll then get a call from a social worker wanting to do a home visit, they’ll want to talk to your children without you present, then to you.. then they’ll likely go away, write a report and sign you off as a typical family navigating the modern world of trying to parent in a country where discipline is frowned upon.

School report such minor things to MASH as a ‘cover their arse’ exercise. It won’t effect you moving abroad.

I wish you well with your moving process - it’s probably just what your children need… England isn’t the land of opportunity that it once was… this generation of teens are in crisis !!

Also I’m shocked at the responses you are getting on here regarding moving back to your birth country!
Parents move house oil of area for work ALL THE TIME!… As parents we choose where we live, we don’t need our children’s permission to change jobs, move house etc.

Even taking children away from extended cousins isn’t a reason not to go, (but your children don’t have any here anyway).

Parents only have to ask permission when separated from the bio parent, I mean bloody hell everyone, if OP was still with their dad and choosing to pull kids out to move to Australia there wouldn’t be a single process involving courts or any type of ‘permission’ … grandparents etc have no rights!

@NervouslyWaiting1 I hope you get back to your country of birth asap. I’d put money on it it’s probably better growing up there for your kids than it is here right now!

Doesn’t matter if it’s the 80s/90s or now the police would not go looking for a teenager at 6pm.
In fact these days you’d be lucky if they did it in under 24 hours of a teenager missing.

Incorrect. They're the same thing.

Why are you bothering to ask questions if you've already decided you know the answers?