My son did not come home from school MASH Referral help

[NervouslyWaiting1]

My son did not come home from school on Thursday. We had a small argument that morning because I told him to have a shower and he refused. He usually prefers to shower at night, but he ended up having the shower in the morning before leaving for school.
When he didn’t come home after school, I thought maybe he was with his friends. At 10pm that night, I called the police and reported him missing. The police went out looking for him and also went to his dad’s house to check if he was there, but he wasn’t.

The next morning, I decided to go to the school to speak with teachers and his friends to find out who he had been with the previous day. I met one of his friends outside the school, who told me my son was in school that day. I told the friend that he had not come home.
I then had a meeting with the Head of Year, and my son explained didn’t come home because he had received a detention and was scared I would take his phone away. He had spent the night walking around and sitting in a park. I was shocked and spent the whole night crying.

Because of his behaviour at school, I have rules in place. If he gets a detention or comes home late, I take his phone away, and he is also not allowed to go out with friends because of things I found on his Snapchat. I believe some of his friends are a bad influence on him. He has previously told me that he feels trapped and wants more freedom to go out with his friends.

The school has now made a referral to MASH. I understand they are doing their job and treating this as a safeguarding matter.
At the moment, we are also involved in court proceedings regarding relocation back to my home country in Europe. Everything had been going very well. We had a hearing in April with a very understanding judge. He said he understood my reasons for wanting to relocate, that he had visited my country many times, understood what life is like there for children, and that his wife is from a similar country. He also said he did not need any more evidence from me. After hearing that, I was 99.9% sure the relocation would be granted.

The judge ordered CAFCASS to prepare a safeguarding letter as part of the usual procedure. I spoke to them a few days ago and the conversation went well. CAFCASS mentioned they may recommend a Section 7 report, which is a more in-depth report involving speaking to the children, although this was not something the judge originally ordered, so she said it may not happen.

Now, I’m worried this incident with my son may trigger a Section 7 report and prolong the case. I spoke to my solicitor, who said my case had previously been straightforward and easy to predict, but that it has now become a little more complicated.

We had a long chat about everything, and he opened up to me saying he just wants things to go back to how it was before where I allowed him to go out with his friends. After speaking to him, my family and a police officer who visited us after he was found. I’ve decide to let him go out with his friends and set some rules, which he promised he would follow. I work closely with the school and have agreed with the school that I will pick him up everyday.

He’s currently out with friends as we speak. Just wondering what will happen next with MASH? And if they will treat it as one off or safeguarding concern? Anyone who’s been through this?

how stupid of you to think that! I have life360 but his phone was dead. How can I track his phone???!

like loads of other posters said why leave it until 10pm? That is crazy and I’m not the only one saying that looking at the whole thread.

No wonder there is a MASH referral in place it sounds like there absolutely needs to be.

This information was also conveniently left out of the original post.

Honestly- yes. Your child was so scared they ran away from home. Your reaction about it all is very odd and makes no sense. It seems unlikely an overseas move would be agreed without a lot more consideration.

It seems strange that he’d rather stay out all night on the streets than have his phone taken away. Is he being groomed to sell drugs? Do you monitor everything he does on his phone?

Again you seem to not want to read the whole thread. I have answered that question. My brother was out looking for him, I was with my daughter ringing around trying to find his friends numbers and waiting for officers to come to the house. I have his friends numbers saved in my phone now.

And he has come home before around 6pm because he was playing football with his friend and I thought maybe he lost track of time this time around

If I had written everything, the post would have been several pages long. And questions about tracking his phone is just common sense, as if that wasn’t the first thing I’ve checked!

@NervouslyWaiting1 that would have been a long lonely scary night for a 13 yo in a dark park and with a dead phone. Why didn’t the police manage to find him if they were searching all night? He couldn’t have strayed that far from school or home.

OP, is your son scared of you? I can’t fathom a kid rather spending the night alone in the park than going home to his bed.

There is clearly way more to this than you’re saying as a MASH referral is not a first step at all, the approach there is that there must be serious concerns for them to have done this. I’m guessing there must have been other previous incidents or issues that are concerning them.

I HAVE read the thread and think the whole situation sounds awful for you and your son and I hope you get the help you need but do not “f” at people who are only asking obvious questions.

When you speak to the MASH team should they call you, you can decline an assessment- they are consent based.
If there is more to the story and they feel your son is at significant risk of harm they may undertake a strategy discussion and initiate s47 enquiries- however based on all that you have shared it likely wouldn’t meet threshold in our LA

Your thread is literally about: what’s going to happen if people start talking to my son about what he wants and will it affect us being able to move. It’s all you seem to care about, and the way you have just spoken about him sounds like you have no respect at all for his wishes.

I do hope things improve for him, and that you do take on board the advice you have earlier said you will (re listening to him and not just punishing him when he is already being punished). Your response here makes it sound like you’re not interested at all in what he think or feels.

And a 13 year old is capable of knowing what is best for his family, really???? A kid who thinks the solution to a minor issue is to roam the streets all night???

Do remember this doesn't just affect him. Would you like to live in a world where kids made all the important decisions?

Things I wonder are - how bad an influence are his friends? How strongly attached is he to his phone and why? Is there a reason why losing access to it for a short time would be a huge problem for him?

But, he’s 13 and 13yos can think in a very black and white but very naive way, placing huge value on their ‘rights and freedoms’ while showing little to no social and emotional intelligence or sense of responsibility to others.

Responding to the ‘injustice’ of expecting his phone to be taken away (while still being cross about the shower) by deciding to stay out all night is exactly the sort of stubborn, naive idiocy I’d expect from some 13yos.

Are you joking being less strict and letting him out more... Assuming everything is ok at home which I also have doubts about tbh you haven't been strict at all snap chat, all of that so young..cmon be a parent before it's to late....however something is very wrong somewhere when a child yes a child chooses to stay out all night alone rather than eventually go home because of hunger etc and I dont think its so simple as just because you would take his phone off him...and you left it way to late to call the police which boggles my mind being a mum of several, you know the times each child gets home and it took you till 10 leaves a lot of ?????

I agree with the others, you waited too long to call police, even if your brother was looking for him. If he’s never been later than 6pm (and even then I’d be trying to get hold of him).

I would say you need to have an open and frank discussion with him about how he feels re moving away, etc. It’s hard for a 13 yr old to move from everything he knows. You say you’ll come back to see his friends but at that age they’ll have probably moved on. I’m sure he realises this.

I never punished my DC if they got a detention- it was never for anything terrible. Maybe a bit of backchat from DS - I’d just tell him to be more respectful or something of that nature. He was a good kid (adult now) in general. I used to be scared of my dad when I was at school - on the rare occasion I’d been ‘naughty’ and school had punished me I only told my mum.

Until 10pm when it’s dark? That’s insane! At 13 my children did sometimes go out after school for a bit but they’re def be back after an hour or so.

Op, it is absolutely not a given that you would have tracked his phone. Not all parents track phones. So yes, it may have been helpful to add that info in your original post and not insult people who ask.

I have to say i think you’re being quite rude and your attitude is poor.

hmmmm, so if he has no uncles in this country, then how was your brother (hence his uncle) out looking for him?

Good spot

I think you are misunderstanding how family court works. A childs whole circumstances will be considered not just the aspects you think are relevant.

It's not just his friends he will lose if he moves. It's also a different culture, possibly language, schooling system etc. Court would need to be shown that the child is better off elsewhere.

Given MASH input, police involvement, child missing overnight etc this will open up a whole number of extra areas of review. Hopefully if you work with social servives you can resolve this all and get your move agreed. But they have power to stop you moving, ask for parenting courses, or even take child into care if they thought he was at risk. It's not something to just laugh off. You need to show you're taking this seriously.

My brother does not live in the UK. He came to visit two weeks ago.

Op take no notice of pp the police would actually laugh if you called them at 6/7pm to say your 13 yr old wasn’t home; people are being ridiculous (as if we don’t remember being teens)
Hope everything goes well.

But my DS was on the verge of being excluded from school, several suspensions, detentions every day for bad attitude and trying to be the class clown/disrupting lessons, laughing and joking with friends during lessons. He would say to me he didn’t care if he got detention as it’s only 30/60 mins, so being the class clown was worth it in his mind. Countless meetings about his behaviour, and told of he does not change he will get excluded and be referred to Pupils referral unit and removed from mainstream school. So yes I have to punish him and do something before it’s too late, this is not just oh he got a detention let me take his phone away. This is a child who is on the verge of being excluded. So I had to become strict so he understands the seriousness of the situation. He changed a lot when I made the rule about taking phone, no detentions. Except for lateness

Another drip feed! It sounds as if the referral is the culmination of a whole series of concerns, not just this disappearance. Does this extend to your other dc? Was he worried by your db reaction to his behaviour as much as yours?