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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My son did not come home from school MASH Referral help

151 replies

NervouslyWaiting1 · 24/05/2026 15:59

My son did not come home from school on Thursday. We had a small argument that morning because I told him to have a shower and he refused. He usually prefers to shower at night, but he ended up having the shower in the morning before leaving for school.
When he didn’t come home after school, I thought maybe he was with his friends. At 10pm that night, I called the police and reported him missing. The police went out looking for him and also went to his dad’s house to check if he was there, but he wasn’t.

The next morning, I decided to go to the school to speak with teachers and his friends to find out who he had been with the previous day. I met one of his friends outside the school, who told me my son was in school that day. I told the friend that he had not come home.
I then had a meeting with the Head of Year, and my son explained didn’t come home because he had received a detention and was scared I would take his phone away. He had spent the night walking around and sitting in a park. I was shocked and spent the whole night crying.

Because of his behaviour at school, I have rules in place. If he gets a detention or comes home late, I take his phone away, and he is also not allowed to go out with friends because of things I found on his Snapchat. I believe some of his friends are a bad influence on him. He has previously told me that he feels trapped and wants more freedom to go out with his friends.

The school has now made a referral to MASH. I understand they are doing their job and treating this as a safeguarding matter.
At the moment, we are also involved in court proceedings regarding relocation back to my home country in Europe. Everything had been going very well. We had a hearing in April with a very understanding judge. He said he understood my reasons for wanting to relocate, that he had visited my country many times, understood what life is like there for children, and that his wife is from a similar country. He also said he did not need any more evidence from me. After hearing that, I was 99.9% sure the relocation would be granted.

The judge ordered CAFCASS to prepare a safeguarding letter as part of the usual procedure. I spoke to them a few days ago and the conversation went well. CAFCASS mentioned they may recommend a Section 7 report, which is a more in-depth report involving speaking to the children, although this was not something the judge originally ordered, so she said it may not happen.

Now, I’m worried this incident with my son may trigger a Section 7 report and prolong the case. I spoke to my solicitor, who said my case had previously been straightforward and easy to predict, but that it has now become a little more complicated.

We had a long chat about everything, and he opened up to me saying he just wants things to go back to how it was before where I allowed him to go out with his friends. After speaking to him, my family and a police officer who visited us after he was found. I’ve decide to let him go out with his friends and set some rules, which he promised he would follow. I work closely with the school and have agreed with the school that I will pick him up everyday.

He’s currently out with friends as we speak. Just wondering what will happen next with MASH? And if they will treat it as one off or safeguarding concern? Anyone who’s been through this?

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 24/05/2026 16:06

Why have you missed out his age?

NervouslyWaiting1 · 24/05/2026 16:07

TheSpottedZebra · 24/05/2026 16:06

Why have you missed out his age?

He’s 13

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 24/05/2026 16:09

Something isn’t right
you don’t mention his age
he didn’t come home from school and you didn’t do anything except call the police at 10 pm and you turned up at school the next day
I’d be bloody frantic and searching the streets myself

rubyslippers · 24/05/2026 16:10

What have you found on his Snapchat?

i’d bet money he doesn’t want to leave where you are currently and he’s scared to tell you

Potatocakewalk · 24/05/2026 16:11

Christ, he is 13 and you weren’t hysterical when he wasn’t home by 10pm!!!! I would have been searching on the streets for him and called the police when he was late by 30 mins! In what world is it normal for a 13 year old to be in an unknown location at 10pm? Safeguarding is absolutely right to be involved.

RampantIvy · 24/05/2026 16:12

Just how bad is his behaviour at school?

Endofyear · 24/05/2026 16:12

How old is your son? How does he feel about moving to your home country and leaving his school, his friends and his dad? It's quite a big thing to uproot a teenager and move country - could he be feeling a bit unsettled or worried?

If this is the first incident of this type, I shouldn't think it will delay your case but I think it's right that they look into it carefully as a child not wanting to go home all night could be seen as a sign that all is not well at home.

titchy · 24/05/2026 16:13

You assumed he was at his friends? Till 10pm? Fuck me that’s negligent. Why did it take you till the next day to find out which friends he was with? You seem quite lax on the one hand, but strict on the other? Does he want to go and live in your country? Does his father agree?

shellyleppard · 24/05/2026 16:13

I would have been out looking after him being that late, not leaving it till 10 pm!!

NervouslyWaiting1 · 24/05/2026 16:15

Potatocakewalk · 24/05/2026 16:11

Christ, he is 13 and you weren’t hysterical when he wasn’t home by 10pm!!!! I would have been searching on the streets for him and called the police when he was late by 30 mins! In what world is it normal for a 13 year old to be in an unknown location at 10pm? Safeguarding is absolutely right to be involved.

My brother was staying with me and went out to look for him whilst I stayed at home with his siblings. I was also on the phone with the police who was calling and updating me every 20 mins. It’s normal at his school for the kids to play football in the park after school, he has once come home at 6pm because he was in the park with his friends and lost track of time, which is why I waited before calling the police.

OP posts:
Buscake · 24/05/2026 16:15

If cafcass suggest a s7 it will go ahead. And it sounds necessary in this case. It takes 3-4months

bakingsodar · 24/05/2026 16:18

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NervouslyWaiting1 · 24/05/2026 16:19

Endofyear · 24/05/2026 16:12

How old is your son? How does he feel about moving to your home country and leaving his school, his friends and his dad? It's quite a big thing to uproot a teenager and move country - could he be feeling a bit unsettled or worried?

If this is the first incident of this type, I shouldn't think it will delay your case but I think it's right that they look into it carefully as a child not wanting to go home all night could be seen as a sign that all is not well at home.

He is sad about leaving friends but he wants to move and knows we will visit UK so he can meet up with his friends, and also because he would not have to share a room with his brother. Father is not involved, has not seen them for 2 years and does not turn up to hearings in court.

OP posts:
Tableforjoan · 24/05/2026 16:19

I feel you waited a bit too long to do anything.

Sure children play out after school but if it’s going to be more than half an hour mine ask/check in.

It would never get to 6pm without me knowing their plans or whereabouts let alone 10pm before I reported them missing.

SleepQuest33 · 24/05/2026 16:25

People are being very harsh on the. OP. That fact is that she’s trying to do the right thing by limiting phone access as a consequence and also avoiding bad influence from friends.

her son has now been allowed to manipulate her rules by scaring everyone staying out all night.

Teenagers are getting out of control and parents should have more power over behaviour control.

I hope you’re able to go back to your home country, such a shame his dad is useless.

smallgreenandsplitthreeways · 24/05/2026 16:43

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Who are leftist, worthless and have 0 clue what parenting is?
why do you think OP has been set a trap?

2dogsandabudgie · 24/05/2026 16:52

Why can you not just move back to your home country? Is it because your son was born here?

sunshine244 · 24/05/2026 16:53

I have a 12 year old so only slightly younger. If they weren't home from school at the normal time I would phone them. If no contact I'd check the park they play football at and call the school before it closed.

Do you not know parents of his friends to be able to contact them to find out if he was with them? Or have ability to see where they are via their phone?

I'd have been on the phone to police by 6/7pm. 10pm is hugely negligent and I'm not surprised MASH are involved with your child away from home all night.

Octavia64 · 24/05/2026 16:58

Your son is not ok.

you mention court proceedings over relocation.
this is likely to be something he is hugely worried about.

yes school will have referred.

i can’t comment on how it will impact your court proceedings but I would expect this to be referred on to social services and for there to be an investigation,

it’s not normal for 13 year olds to be so anxious that they don’t go home.

DysmalRadius · 24/05/2026 17:08

Your son feels safer in school than he does at home, and your post comes across as more concerned about your relocation plans than his wellbeing. Have you got any other agencies involved to help you as a family? It sounds like he needs more support than you and the school can give.

fancypantss · 24/05/2026 17:09

This makes no sense to me. He was so worried you'd take his phone off him for detention that he stayed out all night - but he didn't think you'd take his phone off him for staying out all night? He thought you'd just be fine with that?

What did you find on snapchat OP? I'd be very, very concerned about him - are county lines a possibility? You seem more concerned about your situation than you do about him, I can't believe you didn't do anything till 10pm when he'd always been home by 6 before. It's all very concerning IMO.

FernFaery · 24/05/2026 17:13

NervouslyWaiting1 · 24/05/2026 15:59

My son did not come home from school on Thursday. We had a small argument that morning because I told him to have a shower and he refused. He usually prefers to shower at night, but he ended up having the shower in the morning before leaving for school.
When he didn’t come home after school, I thought maybe he was with his friends. At 10pm that night, I called the police and reported him missing. The police went out looking for him and also went to his dad’s house to check if he was there, but he wasn’t.

The next morning, I decided to go to the school to speak with teachers and his friends to find out who he had been with the previous day. I met one of his friends outside the school, who told me my son was in school that day. I told the friend that he had not come home.
I then had a meeting with the Head of Year, and my son explained didn’t come home because he had received a detention and was scared I would take his phone away. He had spent the night walking around and sitting in a park. I was shocked and spent the whole night crying.

Because of his behaviour at school, I have rules in place. If he gets a detention or comes home late, I take his phone away, and he is also not allowed to go out with friends because of things I found on his Snapchat. I believe some of his friends are a bad influence on him. He has previously told me that he feels trapped and wants more freedom to go out with his friends.

The school has now made a referral to MASH. I understand they are doing their job and treating this as a safeguarding matter.
At the moment, we are also involved in court proceedings regarding relocation back to my home country in Europe. Everything had been going very well. We had a hearing in April with a very understanding judge. He said he understood my reasons for wanting to relocate, that he had visited my country many times, understood what life is like there for children, and that his wife is from a similar country. He also said he did not need any more evidence from me. After hearing that, I was 99.9% sure the relocation would be granted.

The judge ordered CAFCASS to prepare a safeguarding letter as part of the usual procedure. I spoke to them a few days ago and the conversation went well. CAFCASS mentioned they may recommend a Section 7 report, which is a more in-depth report involving speaking to the children, although this was not something the judge originally ordered, so she said it may not happen.

Now, I’m worried this incident with my son may trigger a Section 7 report and prolong the case. I spoke to my solicitor, who said my case had previously been straightforward and easy to predict, but that it has now become a little more complicated.

We had a long chat about everything, and he opened up to me saying he just wants things to go back to how it was before where I allowed him to go out with his friends. After speaking to him, my family and a police officer who visited us after he was found. I’ve decide to let him go out with his friends and set some rules, which he promised he would follow. I work closely with the school and have agreed with the school that I will pick him up everyday.

He’s currently out with friends as we speak. Just wondering what will happen next with MASH? And if they will treat it as one off or safeguarding concern? Anyone who’s been through this?

Why does he even have bloody Snapchat

I despair, I really do

BunnyLake · 24/05/2026 17:13

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The OP is the parent setting the tone in her family, so what is this trap you speak of. If she’s not from the UK then why is her son not behaving himself under his mother’s non-UK influence? Plenty of UK parents have well behaved children and are brought up in a healthy family dynamic. I managed it so why is the non-uk born OP having so much trouble?

And for what it’s worth worst behaved spoilt brat kids I’ve encountered have been Italian.

Beyondamountainandoverthesea · 24/05/2026 17:13

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Have you spent too long in the sun?

LarksAscending · 24/05/2026 17:14

OP, do you hit him when he gets into trouble?

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