Bf stayed night at mine whilst I was away.

[Hereforadviceee]

I don’t know if I am overthinking this but this feels off. I’ve been with my bf for a year but we actually broke up a couple of months ago so we’ve been seeing each other more casually. He lives literally a minute from mine a couple roads over. I took my little ones away to go camping and had an order of plants from a month ago be delivered that evening ( the delivery was an estimate and they send roots for example that could dry out) with the heat at the moment, I was worried they may all dry out before we got home and asked my bf as he has a spare key for incase I loose mine etc, if on the way home and it wasn’t too much trouble, could he just place the parcel inside the door as they left it on my driveway. He said sure no problem.

He joke about staying over and watching my streaming services and I thought he was joking and he said he might as well get something out of it for coming over and I still thought he was joking. On my ring door bell I get notifications I saw his car go and thought he stayed an hour then left. Then this morning I can see his car is on my driveway and he stayed the night!?

he told me he watched marvel films all night and got a takeaway/ an now I’m picturing the home being a bit of a mess when I made it nice to come back to. It may be clean but I’m just picturing him slobbing out at mine with takeaway stuff left in the kitchen as this is what he’s like and I just feel off. He lives walking distance from our home. But lives in shared accommodation.

Am I being ridiculous?

I am gobsmacked at the amount of posters who think if they say they will take a parcel in for someone or water their plants, then it's OK to treat their homes as their own!

Change the locks and get a key safe, OP, it's much easier. I am glad you have seen the light, this man clearly thinks that what's your is his and seems to have nothing but an erection to offer in return. Erections are two a penny.

I genuinely dont think he did take advantage. He said what he would do and the o.p didnt say no

Well rid of this sponger OP. You're getting a hard time here from some posters, and others are just being deliberately obtuse. Asking someone to pop a parcel inside your door on their way past is not a huge favour and certainly didn't warrant him using your tv, bringing back takeaway, using your fresh bedding to sleep on the sofa and opening your private parcels. Are you 100% confident he hasn't got a copy of your key? I'd personally change the barrel in the locks for peace of mind. It's quite easy to do and cheaper than having the whole lock changed.

YANBU He’s losing interest because he feels he should get something for checking your plants, and if he lives in shared accommodation I can’t help but wonder if he had someone over.

Agree. The bar for some people really is on the floor.

Head. You. Wobble. You have children. Behave like a grownup.

Chill, nobody has died.

You still didn't actually KNOW at the time though

Honestly, some posters seem to be reading a thread in their own heads.

I can't see any reason why you are with him.

Its not that strange, she gave him a spare for emergencies. She did not think he would take advantage as she has been missing the fact that he's using her. I agree she should now get the key back as he has now shown he can't be trusted but its not that weird as people give keys to their neighbours etc.

I would be massively annoyed by all of what you've described. It may seem a small thing, but I always leave my home spotless when I leave for vacations because that's how I would like it to be when I come home. I would have been hopping mad to come home to a 'teenager's mess'! He does not seem to have a clear sense of boundaries, and that would not work for me. My partner of five years who comes over every weekend and who is very much part of the family would still ask if he was going to be visiting friends near my place and wanted to stay over while I was out of town. I would always say yes, but I would be miffed if he didn't even ask. And, asking someone to take a package in (I do that for my neighbours - including bulbs/plants- all the time) does not mean they get to spend the night without permission!

He sounds awful. Did you ask him why he opened the packages and ate your kids food?

Yes, Ma'am !😅

Much as you didn't want a scene in front of your children, you'd have been better off telling him he is out of order and needs to leave, show them how to implement boundaries...

Have you dumped him yet?

Do you think he was there with somebody else?

Well that's a huge drip feed because "eat her children’s food, take her clean bedding off her bed, open her parcels, and stink her house out" was not in the OP and I think staying at hers when she's not there is reasonable.

Negligible for one night.

If you want to stay at someone's house when they are not there, you ask them first.

He did.

Then perhaps read the updates before commenting about ‘favours’.

But he wasn't given permission

She hadn't given those updates when I commented! Maybe OP shouldn't drip feed!

This was in her OP

"He joke about staying over and watching my streaming services and I thought he was joking and he said he might as well get something out of it for coming over and I still thought he was joking. On my ring door bell I get notifications I saw his car go and thought he stayed an hour then left. Then this morning I can see his car is on my driveway and he stayed the night!?"

Does ANY of that sound like he asked and got a yes? The fact that he didn't get permission and just helped himself to someone else's home and its contents without permission is the entire point of the thread!